Ár scéal grá
by heavenly-vixen
Summary: A series of random drabbles, one shots, episode tags, bits and pieces. All Jax/Tara centric.
1. NS 1

_Jax and Tara Drabbles, One Shots, Bits and Pieces. _

_By Heavenly Vixen_

_Rating: T-M_

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><p><strong>1.<strong>

_Setting: Season 3, Episode 13 "NS"_

_Rated: M_

Jax's breath came in fast, hot spurts against her neck, as his spent and sweaty body collapsed against hers. Tara couldn't help but smile as she noticed that he somehow managed to keep the full weight of his body off of her stomach, protecting their unborn child, even if it was the size of a kidney bean right now. They had a lot to work through, but she had to admit that she had felt most of her anger and hurt lift away from her as she heard Doctor Chan, the on-call OBGYN tell her that their baby was healthy. How could she be mad at this man who gave her the most incredible gift? However, in the moments that followed, the words he'd spoken, and the sins he'd committed against her came rushing back and the hurt was palpable. They talked once they'd returned home after dinner at Gemma's and Abel had been placed in his crib for the night. They'd laid it all on the table, every lie ever uttered, every hurt ever felt, and they'd found some kind of peace falling asleep in each other's arms.

Tara ran her hands up and down the length of his naked back. His back had always been a major turn on for her. The defined and rippling muscles encased in smooth, flawless skin. Even the ink of his SAMCRO tattoo. It was sexy and strong. It was the epitome of masculinity. And that masculinity did things to her body, even now, as he was still buried inside her. Jax groaned into her neck.

"Baby, don't get me worked up. Abel's gonna wake up any minute now." He moaned and Tara couldn't help but smile. He'd felt the reaction her body had to the feel of his skin beneath her hands.

"Sorry, but you know I'm a sucker for this back." She whispered in his ear as she ran her hands across his back again.

"I'm a sucker for you." Jax brought his lips to hers, cupping her face in a familiar gesture. "I love you." He whispered between kisses.

"I love you too." Tara whispered back as he pulled away. Jax rolled off her body and rose from the bed. He reached out his hand for hers and she took it willingly, happily. Tara had long ago admitted, if only to herself, that she would follow Jackson Teller anywhere for as long as he was willing to lead. But the last few weeks had taught her that she needed to walk beside him, leading with him, not just following. Following blindly would ruin them; it would ruin her, and break her heart.

Jax lead her into the shower and began to gently wash her body. The way he lovingly touched and caressed her as the water cascaded over them was so similar to the way his body moved with hers as they made love. It was in those moments that Tara knew without a doubt that Jax loved her. She knew of his many 'conquests', knew more than she cared to, and she knew that he'd never touched any of them, not one, the way he touched her. Not even his ex-wife knew the pleasure and the privilege of Jax's gentle love making. His one night stands never even got to face him. It was one of the reasons that Jax always insisted on seeing her face, on being able to look into her eyes, as he moved within her. It was only her face, her eyes he wanted to see.

Jax Teller loved Tara Knowles, and although there was a lot of hurt that couldn't just be washed away in one night, and a lot of uncertainty in their immediate future, of that Tara was certain. And Tara Knowles loved Jax Teller. To the ends of the earth.

More to come soon...

Leave me some love... :D xx


	2. Lochan Mor

_**2.**_

_**Setting: Season 3**_  
><em><strong>Rating: T<strong>_

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><p>Tara and Lyla were driving down the 22 heading home. Lyla was curled in on herself, quiet. Tara knew the sadness, the shame, the quiet self loathing she was feeling right now. She'd felt it herself. No matter how convinced you were that you were doing the right thing, the feeling that came with aborting a life would always eat away at her. And this time tomorrow night, Tara would have two babies to grieve for the rest of her life.<p>

Lyla's voice pulled her from her musings, a shock in the otherwise silent car.

"Is it true you and Jax were high school sweethearts?" Lyla asked and Tara couldn't help but smile.

"Yeah. Me, Jax, Ope and Donna have all known each other since the first day of kindergarten. Ope and Jax have been best friends ever since."

"So when did you and Jax become, you and Jax?"

"Well... " Tara paused momentarily. "I've been in love with Jax my whole life, but I only realised it when I was 14. We kissed one day, when we were 15. Just out of the blue, Jax comes up and kisses me. Full on the mouth." Tara couldn't help but smile at the memory. It was one of her favourites.

"We spent the next 6 months making out any chance we got. It wasn't until we were 16 that things became more serious. I lost my virginity to Jax that year. We were madly in love with each other. But then Med school came up. Jax tried to follow me. I wanted him to. But the club wouldn't let him go nomad, so he had to stay in Charming." Her voice lost its lightness, the smile dropping from her face.

"You didn't try to make the long distance thing work?"

"No. We thought about it for a while, but when it came time for me to leave, I ended up sneaking out in the middle of the night while he was asleep. It was cowardly, but neither one of us was up for a big painful goodbye. I wanted him to ask me to stay, but he never did." Tara didn't sound resentful or angry, but the hurt that still lingered in her voice didn't go unnoticed by her blonde companion.

"Jax got married. Did you have anyone?" Lyla wasn't sure if she was pushing her luck with her line of questioning, but she'd always been so curious about the seemingly unlikely romance between the biker and the doctor. She couldn't stop herself.

"I never even dated throughout Med School. I couldn't bring myself to. Every time someone asked I saw Jax's face and I felt like I was betraying him. I couldn't do it. I was interning at Chicago Presbyterian before I saw anyone else. I was out with some of the other interns, at this bar near the hospital. There was this guy. He looked just like Jax. So much so that I dropped the drink I was holding when I first saw him, glass smashed against the table. Everyone thought I was hammered, but I was just so stunned." Tara followed the roads almost blindly, Lyla could see the memory written on her face, she was lost in it.

"I drank too much that night and ended up going home with him. He never said anything about the fact that I called him 'Jax'. His name was Connor. After that it was a long time again before I considered anyone else. It was this guy Joshua, complete opposite of Jax. Got violent. Didn't end well. Then I came back here."

"It's always been Jax for you." It wasn't a question but Tara nodded anyway. "He'll come round Tara."

"That's just the thing Lyla, I don't know if I want him to anymore. I don't know if I can forgive this."

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><p><em>I'm really overwhelmed by the positive response the last chapter received. Thank you to everyone who reviewed. I appreciate all the love, and I hope I continue to hear from you all. I've got a lot, and I mean a lot, of these little fics up my sleeve. :)<em>

_Leave me some love. _

_xx_


	3. NS 2

**3.**

**Setting: Season 3, Episode 13 "NS"**  
><strong>Rating: T<strong>

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><p>Jax awoke with a start, it was still dark and as he turned his head to the nightstand to see that it was only 2am, he heard the noise that woke him again. His head turned quickly to Tara's side of the bed. She was curled up into the foetal position, her body shaking, whimpers escaping her throat and her back to him. He was just about to reach out to her when he heard her voice.<p>

"Please. No. I'll do anything." Her strangled voice whispered, full of fear and pain. "No. No. No. Please." She begged and Jax quickly moved to press his body alongside hers, spooning her, his arm slipping around her waist.

"Baby. Wake up." His whispered, but she continued to beg, her body shaking more violently as the moments passed. "Tara, I've got you baby, wake up for me." Jax said, his whisper rising in volume, but still nothing. Jax started to panic; her pleas were becoming more and more desperate, her body shaking uncontrollably. He turned Tara over onto her back, lifted his body over hers and took her face into his hands. His lips brushed hers gently before he spoke as loud as he dared to while trying not to wake the baby in the next room, or startle Tara further. "Tara, wake up baby. I've got you."

Tara's eyes shot open and stared directly into the familiar blue eyes of the man she loved. She was confused and could feel the wetness on her cheeks from the tears that ran freely from her eyes into her hair.

"It was just a nightmare baby. You're safe; you're here with me, with Abel. Everything's ok." Jax whispered as he wiped the tears from her face. "What were you dreaming baby?"

Tara shook her head. She'd been having nightmares ever since Abel was taken. They were the same every night. Watching Kip be stabbed, watching helplessly as Cameron took Abel, so terrified that he'd hurt Abel or herself and the baby she carried she couldn't move, could only beg. But tonight it was different, Cameron had run to the door, with Abel in his arms but instead of Jax entering the nursery to find her duct taped to the rocking chair it was Salazar. He strode into the room, a frightening sneer on his face, knife in one hand, gun in the other. He stalked towards her, put the knife to her stomach and started to slowly apply pressure as she begged him not to kill her baby.

Tara looked up at Jax, unable to stop the tears and now the sobs that wracked her body. His face was worried as she stumbled out a reply. The only words Jax could make out were Cameron, Sack, Abel, and Salazar. But he didn't need any more; the combination easily conjured up a conclusion. Jax rested his forehead against Tara's and closed his eyes briefly. He'd been so consumed with his own grief when Abel had been taken that he'd completely glossed over the grief, shock and trauma that Tara had been going through. He hadn't been able to appreciate the horror she'd witnessed, watching Kip die, watching Cameron take Abel, having her life threatened. Of course she'd be suffering from the trauma, now add to that the ordeal of the kidnapping and Tara was bound to be a wreck.

"Oh baby. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. That you had to see all of that. I'm just so sorry." He whispered before placing a gentle kiss on her lips and rolling off her. Jax immediately gathered her into his arms, her body resting against his chest, her face buried in his neck as she cried. Jax held her hand with one of his, the other rubbing up and down the length of her back as he tried to comfort her. He couldn't imagine the pain she was in, the suffering. It broke his heart. He'd do anything to take it all away from her.

Jax listened as her sobs subsided, and her breathing evened out as she fell asleep against his chest. He didn't know what the new day would bring, but he knew it would tear him away from her before it was done. For how long, he didn't know, but for the moments he was awake, before joining her in slumber Jax found himself hating the club that would tear him away from the woman he loved when she needed him most. Jax's hand brushed against her still flat stomach as he pictured it swollen with the life they'd created and thought of all he'd miss. His heart broke a million times in the minutes before his tired and weary body surrendered to sleep.

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><p><em>Thank you to everyone who reviewed #2. I'm aiming for 10 reviews for this chapter before I update again. So please review. :D <em>

_xx Ally_


	4. Small Tears

**6.**

**Setting: Season 2, Episode 2 "Small Tears"**  
><strong>Rating: T<strong>

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><p>It had been a shitty 48 hours. Everything with Ope and the club, then his Mom's accident, Bobby getting shot, Georgie Caruso. It had just been shitty. There was no other word for it. The few moments of peace Jax had been able to find were admittedly pretty damn perfect. Lying in bed with Tara always made him feel better. When she was close enough to touch, to hold, everything else just seemed to fade away and life seemed a whole hell of a lot sweeter. Sitting with his Ma on the roof of the club sharing a smoke was a moment of calm in the middle of the storm, a decidedly different kind of comfort came from his mother, but it was cherished just as much. Knowing that Tara was just down stairs, safe and sound, didn't hurt either.<p>

Eventually one of the guys poked his head above the ladder to let both Jax and Gemma know that their significant others were looking for them. He helped his Mom climb down and couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief that this day was over and he could go home to a warm bed with his old lady. Jax could hear the shower calling his name already, and if he could talk Tara into joining him, the last two days might just end on a high note.

Jax entered the club house and found Tara handing, what he assumed was a pain killer, to a now patched up Bobby. The big man already looked better. Jax couldn't help but smile as he remembered Bobby's words from earlier 'I'm in good hands'. He couldn't have agreed more, and it surprised even him how happy it made him to see how well Tara was being accepted by the club.

Jax walked up behind Tara and trailed his hand across one of his favourite parts of Tara's body, her bodacious ass. He had never used that word in his life, could never have ever envisaged himself using that word, but when it came to Tara's behind, there was no other adjective that seemed to do it justice. The butt was banging.

Tara smiled softly up at him and he couldn't stop the returning grin from lifting the corners of this mouth. Jax motioned toward the door and she nodded quickly, and he suddenly realised how tired she looked. Glancing at his watch, it was 11pm, Jax realised Tara had had a horrendous 48 hours herself. She'd been called into the hospital because of Gemma's accident at 4am; she'd worked all day at the hospital, and had been called in to the club house to patch up his brother. Not to mention all the shit from the day before. God they could both use a break. And in that moment Jax decided that tomorrow was going to be theirs. Slinging an arm over Tara's shoulder Jax called out goodnights to everyone and led her out of the club house and to his bike. They didn't say a word as they climbed on and headed home. Still they were silent as Jax relieved Neeta and Tara checked on Abel.

Jax found her sitting on the end of the bed; shoes and jacket discarded just having flopped back.

"You look beat baby." Jax walked toward her as she groaned in agreement.

"It's been a long day." She whispered back staring unseeing at the ceiling. Jax took hold of her jeans and started to unbutton and unzip them. Tara didn't move as Jax pulled the denim from her body.

"I've been thinking. You're off tomorrow; I haven't got anything that can't wait a day. Let's get Neeta to watch Abel and spend the day together." Jax kicked off his shoes and climbed up on the bed to hover over her. "We can go for a ride, and just relax somewhere quiet. Just you and me." His lips descended on to hers in a gentle kiss as he lowered his body to hers. Tara's arms rose to wrap around Jax's neck, her hands automatically finding their way into his hair.

"That sounds divine." Tara murmured against Jax's lips. What started as a soft and sweet kiss quickly turned passionate. The rest of their clothes were quickly discarded as hands and lips explored each other's bodies. Neither had been surprised to find that after ten years apart they could still read each other perfectly and effortlessly. When they were kids they'd always been very instinctually aware of each other; had known without words what the other needed and were eager to fulfil that need. Tonight they needed slow and gentle touches, loving words whispered and caresses meant to worship and love. They made love long, and slow, and deep and passionately. They lost themselves in each other, and suddenly the last 48 hours didn't feel so long, so hard, so trying. All that mattered was each other and the baby that slept soundly down the hall. Jax and Tara fell asleep in each other's arms exhausted, limbs like jello, but for the first time in 48 hours, completely at peace.

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><p><strong>Thanks guys. We made the target of 10 reviews and I thank all of you for that. So that's our new target for every part. As soon as I reach 10 reviews per chapter I'll update. :D<strong>

**Now, my next chapter has a sex scene. Is that something you'd be interested in, or should I skip? Review and let me know. **

**xx Ally**


	5. Post Season1

**5.**

**Setting: Post Season 1, Pre Season 2**  
><strong>Rating: M (Lemonish)<strong>

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><p>Tara stepped out of the locker rooms at St. Thomas and couldn't help but smile at the sight that greeted her. The incredibly sexy form of Jax Teller leaning against the opposite wall, his signature panty-dropping smirk plastered on his face and directed right at her.<p>

"Hey babe." He drawled as he pushed off the wall and stepped towards her.

"Hey." Tara whispered as Jax reached up to cup her face in his hands before leaning in to kiss her deeply.

"Let's go home, huh?"He murmured against her lips his hands tangling in her hair.

"You don't have to be anywhere tonight?" She asked slightly breathless, he could always take her breath away. His answering head shake of no caused a smile to spread across her face. With one arm carelessly thrown over her shoulder, Jax lead Tara out of the hospital to his bike.

When they pulled up to the house Jax led Tara inside wordlessly. She'd been staying here with him, almost every night, since the day after Donna's funeral. Wendy had decided that it would best if she stayed in a hotel until she could move into the sober living house. A decision Jax had whole heartedly agreed with after he'd told her that it was Tara he wanted, that he loved her, and nothing would ever happen between himself and Wendy ever again. It was over for good.

Neeta was sitting in the living room watching the news when the two walked inside. She stood with a smile and gathered her things.

"Beautiful Boy is fast asleep and should be out for a few hours." She smiled as she placed a gentle hand on Tara's shoulder. She was an affection woman, motherly and warm. Tara adored her. "I will see you all tomorrow."

"Ok. Thanks Neeta, have a good night." Jax answered as he walked her to the door. Tara dropped her bag on the sofa and leaned against the pillar. She heard the noticeable click of the lock on the front door and raised her eyebrow in surprise. Jax never locked the door; it was always open for Gemma and the guys whenever they wanted to drop by. Tara watched Jax saunter toward her with a leer and smiled somewhat shyly. She knew that look, had known it well since they were 16. It was Jax's 'I want you and I'm going to take you' look. She loved that look.

Jax took Tara's face in his hands and kissed her soundly, deeply, passionately. He pressed her body up against the wall as his mouth devoured hers. His hands roamed all over her body, eliciting tingles everywhere he touched and setting her skin on fire.

"Bedroom." Tara gasped as Jax's mouth moved from her own to start kissing a trail down her neck. His lips found a particularly sensitive spot, a spot he'd long ago discovered and loved to tease her with. Tara groaned as he kissed, nibbled and sucked on that spot just below her ear. "Jax. Bedroom. Now." Tara panted and gasped as Jax's hands gripped her thighs and pulled her up, her legs automatically wrapping around his hips. Jax carried her down the hall, his eyes boring into hers filled with desire.

Once inside the room, Jax lowered Tara's legs back to the ground and moved his hands up her body to grip the bottom of her shirt. Swiftly, he pulled the garment up her body, Tara raising her arms in assistance, so he could remove the shirt. Jax groaned when he saw the black lace bra that barely kept her breasts from spilling out. He knew this bra, knew that it had a pair of matching French panties that made her perfect ass look even better. Overcome with the desire to see them, to see her, Jax abruptly removed Tara's jeans, causing her to drop back onto the bed behind her as he pulled them off her legs and flung them carelessly behind him.

Quickly stripping out of his own clothes, Jax flipped Tara over on to her stomach and started laving kisses down the length of her spine, pausing at her crow tattoo, flitting his tongue out to trace the black ink of his mark. It had become a ritual he performed every time they made love. Her tattoo did things to his body, did things to his heart that he couldn't put into words. It was an amazing feeling that overwhelmed him. His hands gripped the flesh of her cheeks as he looked upon the black lace panties he'd been dying to see before flipping her back over onto her back. He covered her body with his as he loomed over her before taking her mouth in a deep kiss.

"Oh god Jax." Tara gasped, tearing her lips from his to suck in much needed breath. Her eyes glanced down to follow his hand as it skirted over her skin, marking a fiery trail toward the elastic of her panties, before slipping inside. Jax revelled at the sight of Tara's eyes rolling back in her head as his hand found her sex and manipulated her body the way only he could. His fingers stroked her expertly, drawing moans and cries of pleasure from her throat. She was soaked, her body swollen and throbbing. Aching for him. "Jax please." Tara pleaded bringing an evil smirk to Jax's handsome face.

"What do you want babe?" Jax asked as his fingers moved faster against her.

"You. Only you baby." Tara whispered, cupping his face and bringing him in for a kiss. Hearing the words he'd been waiting for Jax quickly stood, pushing his boxers off his hips and stepping out of them, before tugging Tara's lace panties down her legs. His body covered hers again, his arms wrapping around her, so he could roll them until Tara lay above him.

"Ride me babe." Jax whispered against her lips before kissing her deeply. Tara brought her knees up, braced herself against his chest so she could rise up to sit astride him and manoeuvred her body in order to take him inside her. They both groaned at the feeling of coming together, Tara's head falling back as she began to move.

Jax watched her intently as she moved. Her body glorious as it arched, rose and fell against his. Her chest heaving, her breasts threatening to spill from their lace confines, her hips rolling and drawing pleasure from his body while providing exquisite pleasure. His hands ran over every inch of skin he could reach, he was incapable of not touching her. "You're so beautiful" His whispered as he watched her, her eyes opened to meet his and her gaze never wavered as she brought them both closer and closer to release.

Jax couldn't help but moan as he felt her muscles fluttering around him signalling her imminent release. Tara started moving faster, more erratically in her pursuit of her orgasm. Jax reached between them and started to rub the spot he knew would send her over the edge. With a sharp cry she tumbled. Jax sat up, pulling her body against his chest and flipped them over so he covered her body again. He began moving in search of his own orgasm, faster and harder until finally coming hard inside her as he called her name along with words of love.

Her hands ran over his back gently as he buried his face in her neck breathing in her scent that was now mixed with his own and the distinct smell of sex. It was heady and intoxicating, he couldn't get enough.

"I love you babe." He whispered before placing a gentle kiss against her neck.

"I love you too. So much baby." She whispered back and Jax smiled as he felt her lips press against his temple.

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><p><strong>Well we reached 10 reviews again, so here's the lemon as requested. ;) <strong>

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed, I really appreciate it and I hope you continue to review. Same rules apply guys, 10 reviews and I'll update. **

**xx Ally**


	6. Widening Gyre

**6.**

**Setting: Season 3 Episode 7 "Widening Gyre"**  
><strong>Rating: T<strong>

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><p>Tara drove by the house she had been sharing with Jax and breathed a sigh of relief that his bike was not in its usual spot in the drive. She'd sought refuge at the hospital after finding him in bed with that porn slut Ima, but she'd found she couldn't even escape him there. Tara had seen the familiar cut, swagger and blonde hair of Jackson Teller walking down the hall and quickly stepped into the closest room before he could see her. She couldn't face him. Couldn't look him in the eye and see that empty look again, see that slut in his shirt. She couldn't do it.<p>

Tara had waited until Jax left to go see Gemma, but talking to her had only made things worse. In her shock and heartbreak she'd actually forgotten momentarily about the baby that grew inside her. Being reminded of it only made what Jax had done worse. At least when they'd fought in Gemma's father's basement she could see the lie in his eyes. This morning, there was nothing.

On her break she'd chanced leaving the hospital and that's how she found herself pulling into the drive of the one place she'd ever felt truly at home. Tara collected the bag she'd picked up from her father's house off the passenger seat and quickly entered the house. She didn't know how much time she'd have, so she moved as quickly as she could. Her clothes had been thrown in the bag quickly, with no care for folding and preserving. The quickest way was the best way today. She was packing up her toiletry bag in the bathroom when she heard the unmistakeable rumble of his Harley pull up. Closing her eyes and gripping the bench she listened for the sound of the front door opening and closing before quickly going about her task hoping against hope she could get out before he tried to speak to her.

Today really wasn't her day, and although their brief conversation had been heated, she'd never raised her voice. She hadn't screamed and hollered and cursed him like she wanted to. She hadn't kicked and hit and scratched like the scorned woman inside her needed to. She'd simply walked away, with one last backward glance at the key she'd placed on the kitchen table when she entered.

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><p><strong>Thanks for the wonderful response to the last chapter. I was nervous about posting so thank you all so much. Same deal applies for this chapter as the others, 10 Reviews and I'll update. <strong>

**If there are any scenes etc you'd like written, review and let me know. I'm taking suggestions people. :D**

**I need your help people. I want to know when you all think Tara actually got pregnant? And if it wasn't their naughty little tryst in the porn studio bathroom that resulted in Baby Teller, what could it have been? Review with your thoughts. **

**Thanks everyone, see you in 10 reviews. **

**xx Ally**


	7. Lochan Mor 2

**7. **

**Setting: Season 3, Episode 8**  
><strong>Rating: T<strong>

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><p>Tara had worked an 8 hour shift at the hospital before she'd gone to the police station to bail out Tig. She had 6 hours off before she had to be back for another 8 hour shift. When she'd dropped Tig off at Teller Morrow she'd intended to leave immediately, go back to her father's house and try to get some sleep, but Chucky had asked if she knew anything about the receivables and the next thing she knew she was going through the paper work in the office trying to make some sort of sense out of the big mess it had become while Gemma was away. Talking to Lyla had made the exhaustion she felt multiply tenfold. It was all too much to handle right now. She was having trouble thinking straight when it came to her personal life and all the drama it entailed.<p>

After watching Lyla drive off, Tara entered the clubhouse to continue her paperwork search. She paused momentarily as her eyes adjusted to the low light of the club. Her hesitation drew the attention of Piney who was sitting at the bar.

"You alright Doc?" He called and Tara looked up a little too quickly, her stomach turned and she felt a little dizzy from the sudden motion.

"I'm fine, just tired. You wouldn't know if Gemma kept any of the paperwork for the garage in here would you?" She answered trying to change the subject. But Piney had always had a keen eye, and he watched her intently as she moved toward the bar.

"No. I don't think so. But I don't really pay any attention to that stuff to be honest. You come from the hospital?" He motioned to her scrubs and Tara nodded once, looking down at her feet. She couldn't help but feel exposed under Piney's studious eye. "You look tired sweetheart, why don't you go in the back and have a nap. The paperwork can wait." Piney's tone left no room for discussion and to be honest, Tara was feeling so exhausted she didn't have it in her to argue.

Tara nodded before heading toward the apartments. She paused in her steps about halfway though. She couldn't go in that room. Couldn't sleep in that bed. She just couldn't. She could already see Ima standing there in Jax's shirt, being in the room she knew would only lead to her losing the contents of her stomach before running from the clubhouse to get as far away as possible. Piney must have noticed her hesitation because his voice called to her again.

"Opie won't mind you using his room honey."

Tara nodded once again, turning back to smile slightly at the older man before heading to Opie's room. She hated that everyone knew what Jax had done. That they knew how humiliated and hurt she was. But was grateful in that moment that Piney understood her need to stay the hell away from Jax's room. As she reached for the handle on Opie's door, she glanced down the hall at Jax's door. Tara didn't think she'd ever be able to step foot in that room again.

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><p><strong>Thank you everyone for the wonderful reviews. We went over 10 this time. So thank you so much, that's amazing. I wanted to reply to you all individually but I'm having some time issues. Just know that I thank you all, I really appreciate it. <strong>

**And thank you for your wonderful ideas and suggestions. Keep them coming. :D**

**See you in 10 reviews. **

**xx Ally**


	8. Post Season 3

**8.**

**Setting: Post Season 3, Pre Season 4**  
><strong>Rating: T<strong>

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><p>It was visiting day at Stockton Prison, and for the first time since Jax went away four months ago Tara was nervous to visit. She had something to talk to him about and she wasn't sure how Jax would take it.<p>

Tara entered the room and immediately saw Jax sitting at the table waiting for her with a large smile directed right at her. She walked her 6 month pregnant belly over and lowered herself into the chair carefully. She was finding it more and more difficult to get down, and worse get up, these days.

"Hey baby." Jax smiled and took her hand. "I've missed you."

"I miss you too." Tara tried not to cry, it had been so hard without him. But she managed a smile and squeezed his hand. Unfortunately, she'd never been able to hide anything from Jax.

"What's the worry I'm getting?" He asked and Tara sighed.

"I need to ask you something." She spoke softly and refused to meet his eyes. Jax tried not to jump to conclusions and waited patiently for her continue. "I want to get some new furniture and I'm not sure how you're going to feel about it."

"Furniture? Why would I care?" Jax asked confused.

"Well, because I want to get a new bed." Tara looked up at Jax and saw the confusion written across his face.

"What's wrong with our old bed?"

"See that's what's wrong with it. It's not _our_ bed. I just don't like sleeping in it knowing you had other women in it. It just bothers me, and I can't let it go anymore." Tara looked at him with imploring eyes and Jax couldn't help but find her completely adorable. She was worried he'd freak out. Probably thought he'd see it as some sort of symbolism for him, and think she was trying to replace him. 6 months ago, that might have been true. But not now, he was much more confident in her feelings for him now. He knew she wasn't going anywhere. She was all in, and so was he.

"Get rid of it baby. It's just a bed to me. But it should be our bed. I'm sorry it never occurred to me before." He reached across and stroked her cheek with the backs of his fingers and smiled when she leant in to his touch.

"Thank you." Tara smiled and felt the tension leave her body. It seemed silly now, in hindsight, to be so nervous about his reaction. She knew they'd come a long way in their relationship, there was no reason they would have suddenly taken six steps backward. And maybe it was silly to want a new bed. But Tara had laid in that bed alone every night for the past 4 months, Jax's side of the bed cold and her body longing for his, her mind wandering and conjuring up images of him with other girls in that bed. She knew it was the same bed he'd shared with Wendy, and when she was lying in his arms, it hadn't mattered. But alone, the baby they'd created together kicking her as she tried to sleep it seemed bigger than the room itself. Tara's hand reached for Jax's across the table, and his fingers found hers immediately. He smiled at her, his sweet crooked smile that always melted her heart and she felt a weight lift off her shoulders. Tara asked him about colours and styles, but Jax merely shook his head, stating as long as it was theirs, and it was sturdy, he didn't mind. Anything she picked would be perfect. He trusted her. And that meant more to her than just about anything else.

"I love you." Jax whispered before kissing the back of Tara's hand. The time, like always, passed far too quickly and before they knew it visiting time was up and they were saying goodbye again. With a sigh Jax watched her leave, ten more months to go.

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><p><strong>Thank you again to everyone who reviewed. I promise I will reply to each review this weekend. I wanted to get this uploaded asap, so the replies will have to wait, but thank you all sooo much. <strong>

**Same deal, 10 reviews and I'll post again. **

**Love you all. **

**xx Ally**


	9. Pre Season 4

**9.**

**Setting: Post Season 3, Pre Season 4**  
><strong>Rating: T<strong>

* * *

><p>Gemma looked up as Tara, carrying Abel on her hip, entered through the back door.<p>

"Hey sweetheart." She called as Tara approached her. She handed Abel to his grandmother before gently plopping her 7 month pregnant body down at the dining room table with Gemma. "You look tired sweetheart, are you ok?" Gemma asked Tara before dropping a kiss on her grandson's head.

"I didn't really get any sleep last night. The guys must have smuggled Abel some sugar cause he didn't want to go down, and once I finally finished all the chores and collapsed into bed, junior here woke up." Tara ended rubbing her swollen belly.

Gemma couldn't help but smile at the small tired smile that graced Tara's face as she rubbed her stomach reverently. "Is he asleep now?" Gemma asked before leaning forward to reach out with her free hand and touch Tara's belly.

"Seems to be." Tara answered on a yawn.

"Abel and I are fine here sweetheart. Why don't you go on back to my room and have a nap?"

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. You and I will be fine while Momma has a sleep won't we Abel?" Abel cooed happily and flashed a big smile at Tara.

"Ok. Thanks Gemma." Tara dragged her tired body up and kissed Gemma on the cheek as she headed down the hall to Gemma's room.

Two hours later, Gemma had just put Abel down for a nap in his make shift nursery that had once been Tommy's room, when she peeked her head in to check on Tara. She found her lying in bed with a hand resting on her stomach. She smiled at the sight until she noticed that Tara's shoulders were shaking. Looking at her face intently Gemma saw the tears glistening on her cheeks. With Tara's eyes closed she'd missed the signs at first, mistakenly believed her to be sleeping, but now there was no denying that Tara was crying. Gemma quickly entered the room, rushing over to the bed and pulling Tara into her arms.

"What's wrong sweetheart? Are you okay?" She asked quickly as worry engulfed her.

"I'm fine. I'm sorry it's just hormones." Tara gasped between sobs before whispering softly. "I miss Jax... I hate that I have to do this alone. That he's missing it all."

"I know baby. But you're not alone. I'm right here with you, and will be every step of the way. I promise." Gemma spoke softly as she stroked Tara's hair and rocked her gently.

"I know. And I'm glad..." She trailed off and Gemma knew what she was thinking, what she was going to say... but it's not the same. She's not Jax.

"I know its hard baby. And I know the last thing in the world you want to hear right now is to be strong. But I promise you sweetheart, it'll be over before you know it. Jax will be here to hold you and the boys. To take some of this weight off your shoulders. Your family will be complete. You just got to hold on to that baby. And until then, I've got you. I love you sweetheart. I'm so glad you're the mother of my grandchildren. That my son has your love. I don't know what any of us did to deserve you." Gemma whispered with tears in her own eyes as she cupped Tara's face in her hands and brushed the tears from her cheeks with her thumbs.

Tara just stared at Gemma in shock. She'd thought, after Abel had been taken, that no matter how much Gemma may have grown to love her that she blamed her for Abel, that she'd doubted her ability to be a mother.

"You mean that?" Tara whispered.

"Yes honey. With my whole heart."

"You don't blame me? For Abel?" Tara asked looking at the comforter rather than Gemma.

"Oh sweetheart. I'm so sorry I said that. It was unbelievably cruel. There was nothing more you could have done. It was never your fault."

"What started the tears honey?" Gemma asked a moment later, as she stroked Tara's hair lovingly, motherly.

"I was dreaming... I reached out for Jax, but the bed was empty. I guess it was just disorientating."

"I'll bet... You wanna sleep some more? Or would you like some tea?"

"Tea sounds good." Tara smiled as Gemma kissed her cheek gently. She let Gemma help her up off the bed and followed her down the hall to the kitchen. Jax wasn't here with her, he was missing everything, but she had Gemma. Gemma who was quickly becoming the mother she'd missed most of her life. Gemma who she adored. Gemma who may have killed the father of the love of her life. But they'd cross that bridge when they came to it. And that was at least another 9 months away.

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><p><strong>OK, So I had planned to spend the weekend replying to everyone's reviews of chapters 7 &amp; 8. However between my girls calling me to go out on Saturday, and an unexpected assignment for my interior desing course, I just didn't have the time. I'm really sorry about that. But I am making it my mission to start replying to everyone's reviews from now on. As soon as I receive your review, I'll reply. Promise. :D<strong>

**So, same rules apply here people, 10 reviews and I'll post again. :D**

**Keep those suggestions coming people. Thanks to everyone who is reading, reviewing and PMing. I love you all. And I'm sending you snuggles with Jax. ;)**

**xx Ally**


	10. Season 2

**10.**

**Setting: Season 2, Sometime between Episode 3 & Episode 7. **  
><strong>Rating: K<strong>

* * *

><p>The gentle and familiar murmurings coming from the baby monitor on the nightstand made Jax Teller slowly stir from a peaceful, deep slumber. He groaned as he readied himself to roll out of bed and attend to his son.<p>

"I got him." Tara mumbled as she rolled away from him and out of bed, Abel's murmurs turning to anguished cries. Jax smiled as he listened to her pad out of the room. He loved how much she loved Abel.

"Hey little man. What's all the fuss?" Tara's soft voice floated through the baby monitor and Jax couldn't help but listen in as she comforted his son. Abel's cries stopped almost immediately, quieting down to murmurs again. "Come here baby." Jax smiled as he pictured Tara lifting Abel into her arms and the baby's murmurs stopped once he was obviously in Tara's arms.

"That's my boy. Everything's ok now, I'm right here. Let's get you a clean diaper." Tara started to hum gently and Abel's murmurs started up again, only this time they were happy little sounds. Jax couldn't help but smile at the sweet music their combined voices made.

"Ok. Now we're all clean. Come on sweet boy, it's time for beddy byes." Tara's voice broke off as her humming continued. Tara would pause in her hummed lullaby every now and then and Jax could hear the distinct sound of her laying kisses on Abel's head, like he'd seen her do a thousand times. "I love you baby boy." Tara whispered and Jax was surprised by the tear that came to his eye. Tara was a wonderful mother, she was loving and kind and affectionate. She was everything he could ever want in a mother for his child. And she was Abel's mother. There was no doubt about that.

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><p><strong>Hi everyone, so I managed to reply to everyone who left a signed review for the last chapter. So yay me! lol. To those I can't reply to individually I'd like to take the time now to say Thank you soooo much for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate the love and support. Thank you so much. <strong>

**Now, since we went over the 10 review goal on the last two chapters I'm upping the stakes. I'll update with another chappie after 12 reviews this time. :D So there's your goal people, now, please leave me some love. **

**xx Ally**


	11. Post Eureka

**11.**

**Setting: Season 2, Post Episode 4.**  
><strong>Rating: M<strong>

* * *

><p>Jax was out riding, heading back to the club house, he was taking a short cut past Tara's dad's place when he spotted the cutlass in the drive. She'd been living with him for months now, so he couldn't understand why she'd be back there. Pulling the bike into the drive he hopped off and headed up the front walk.<p>

"Babe?" Jax called out as he let himself in the front door. Tara came down the hall from the bedroom with a confused smile on her face.

"Hey baby, what are you doing here?" She asked as she leaned up to place a gentle kiss on his lips.

"I was going to ask you the same thing. I was riding past. Saw the cutlass." Jax reached out and took her hand, intertwining their fingers.

"I was on my way home from the hospital, just stopped to check in on things. I do that every now then. Pick up a few things too." Tara smiled as she led him down the hall to the bedroom. True to her word there were some clothes on the bed, clearly waiting to be packed in the empty bag lying on the floor.

Jax couldn't help but let his eyes wonder around the room. This room where so much had happened between them. Kohn had happened here. They'd made love for the first time in 10 years in this room. They'd reconnected here. Rediscovered their love for each other. It had been like no time had passed and yet like it had been a million years when he first pushed into her that night. And despite the events that led to that coupling, Jax could never look back with anything but awe and happiness. They belonged with each other, it didn't matter what happened to remind them of that.

Jax sat down on the bed and picked up an earring Tara had laying on a folded shirt. His fingers fiddled with the little silver object unconsciously while Tara flitted around the room. As Jax's eyes roamed around the room, his gaze fell on a yellow envelope sticking out from underneath the bed. Curious Jax bent down to pick it up. Her name was scribbled on the front, but no postage information. It had been hand delivered, to the hospital no less. Jax didn't want to snoop, but Tara was fiddling around with god only knows what in the bathroom and he was beyond curious. What could be in this envelope that Tara would stash it under the bed?

Jax glanced at the bathroom door, which Tara had left ajar, before deciding. He quickly opened the envelope and pulled out a black and white photograph. A photograph of him and that girl he'd picked up on the way to Uncle Jury's in Nevada. He read the writing on the top of what was obviously a surveillance photo. What was Tara doing with this photograph? It was then he remembered that he'd seen this particular photo before. Taped to the wall of the nursery after Kohn had defiled it.

"Whatcha looking at?" She asked as she zipped up the little toiletries bag in her hand. Jax didn't say a word, merely held up the photograph. "Ah. I always meant to destroy that." Tara sighed.

"He sent you this?" Jax asked as he tried to reign in his anger at the bastard. Tara merely nodded and moved around him to place all the things she had laid out in a bag. "That sick son of a bitch... I'm so sorry babe."

Tara moved to stand in front of him; she took Jax's face in her hands and smiled softly at him. "We weren't together; you have nothing to be sorry for."

"I'm still sorry. I'm sorry you had to see it. That he made you see it." He whispered and Tara leaned down to rest her brow against his.

"It's ok Baby. It sucks, true... but it's not your fault. He's gone, he can't hurt us anymore."

Jax took hold of Tara's hips and pulled her down to straddle his lap. Wrapping his arms around her, he buried his face in her neck, while basking in the comfort of her hands running up and down the length of his back.

"I love you. So much." He whispered, his lips moving against her neck, while breathing in her scent.

"I love you too." Tara whispered as she pulled back to look into his eyes. Leaning forward she brushed her lips against his in a gentle caress. Smiling sweetly when she pulled away, Jax took her face in his hands and pulled her back for another kiss, a deeper kiss. A kiss that quickly escalated as he pulled her back with him to lie on the bed. His hands wondered, as their mouths melded in a series of passionate kisses.

They made love slow and gentle, reminiscent of that night that seemed so long ago now. Only, unlike that night, there were smiles and even laughter. Shock, heartbreak and grief didn't fuel this encounter. This was pure love and devotion. This was Jax and Tara as they both knew they were always meant to be. Together, happy and in love.

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><p><strong>Ok peoples. Thanks to everyone who reviewed. It took a little longer, but we got to 12 reviews. So thank you to everyone that reviewed. <strong>

**So this one is a little longer. I hope that's more to everyone's liking. And I hope everyone found the extended version of chapter 10. If you didn't, head on over and check it out. :D **

**So, I'm going to stick to the 12 reviews again. So get reviewing people. :D **

**xx Ally**


	12. The Culling

**12.**

**Setting: Season 2, Episode 12 "The Culling"**  
><strong>Rating: T<strong>

* * *

><p>It was 6am and Tara hadn't slept a wink all night. She'd been holed up at the clubhouse with the rest of the families of the Sons of Anarchy, the guys had gone out late in the afternoon to fight Weston and his men and no one had heard a word. Tara was worried, to say the least, so she had spent most of her time watching over Abel in the apartment. She had lay in bed with him, watching him sleep, his little chest rising and falling until now as he stirred awake. The little treasure smiled up at her when he woke and she couldn't stop the smile from spreading across her face when he reached up and grabbed her finger, bringing it to his mouth and sucking on it. He was just starting to teeth, the poor little guy, and had taken to chewing on her fingers.<p>

He was only happy for a moment before he started to whine. Tara chuckled at his little scrunched up nose before lifting him into her arms. She went about changing his diaper and getting him a bottle quickly. She settled against the headboard, Abel nestled in her arms, as he suckled on the bottle in her hand. Tara sighed as she glanced at the clock. 6:30am. Where was Jax?

It was mere moments later when the door to the apartment creaked open and Jax stood in the doorway smiling at her. Tara breathed a sigh of relief, a lone tear escaping her eye as she looked upon his face, complete with bloodied lip. She was so glad to see him. She wanted to jump into his arms, to hold him and never let him go, but the baby in her arms prevented her from moving.

Jax saw the tear slip from her eye and quickly kicked the door closed before rushing to her side. He took them both in his arms, trying not to jostle Abel, and placing kisses all over her face. He knew she'd been terrified last night, and all night judging by the dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep.

"It's ok babe. Everything's going to be ok." Jax tried to reassure Tara as he buried his face in her neck.

"Are you hurt?" She whispered back shifting Abel on to her shoulder as he finished his bottle. Jax began to rub his back gently to coax him into burping, Tara's now free hand reaching to cup his cheek and gently prod at his bloody lip.

"Just a couple bruises, nothing serious, I promise." Jax answered pressing a kiss to the side of her head. "I'm sorry you were scared."

"You're home now. And you're safe, that's all that matters." Tara whispered as her hand caressed his cheek.

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><p><strong>Ok guys, so it's a little slower getting to the 12 reviews than 10, but I'm going to stick with the twelve and see how we go. <strong>

**Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed. I didn't have time these past couple of days to reply to everyone's reviews individually but I want you all to know how much I appreciate all your kind words. **

**See you in 12 reviews. **

**xx Ally**


	13. Hell Followed

**13.**

**Setting: Season 1, Episode 9. **  
><strong>Rating: T<strong>

* * *

><p>For the second time in as many days Tara woke up in what was once a familiar position, lying across Jackson Teller's naked chest. She couldn't regret the actions that brought her here, here to where she belongs. When she'd come to the clubhouse last night, she'd been scared and nervous to be back in this place with a man who was once the boy who had been her whole world. But climbing into bed with him in the apartment last night she realised there was nowhere else she was ever supposed to be than by his side. Turning her face into his chest, Tara inhaled his familiar scent, only after the events of last night her own scent lingered on his smooth skin.<p>

"Morning babe." Jax's croaky voice whispered and Tara glanced up to see his eyes still closed as he rubbed his free hand over his face, the other sneaking under the t-shirt she'd borrowed from him to caress the skin of her back.

"Morning." Tara whispered back and smiled as he opened his eyes to look at her. "This is nice. I really missed this." She whispered as she placed a gentle kiss above his heart. Waking up in Jax's arms was like coming home, it was like wrapping herself in comfort, it was like finally finding her place in the world. And judging by the photo she'd spotted on his head board the night before, Jax felt the same way. She'd missed him for 10 years, having him in her reach again was like taking a breath after being denied air for far too long.

"Me too babe." Jax smiled at her, his hand beneath the shirt she wore pulling her tighter against his body. His free hand reached for hers that lazily drew circles on his chest and like the night before, began playing with her fingers.

"I missed you Jax. So much." She whispered, her voice catching as the tears came to her eyes.

"Hey." Jax rolled on to his side to face her, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulled her flush against his body, holding her tightly. "Don't cry babe. It's ok. Everything's going to be ok."

Tara nodded quickly. She believed him whole heartedly; Jax had always been that man in her life. The one who wanted to take care of her, to protect her. To him, loving her meant so much more than just sleeping beside each other, it meant being everything to each other. It was one of the million things that she loved about him. And she did love him, she'd never stopped.

"What do you want from this Jax, from us?" Tara asked. She'd never been the girl who would warm his bed when he was lonely; she was and would only ever be the only girl in his bed. He knew it, and he couldn't help but smile. She wouldn't be Tara if she was willing to live in the vague.

"You're back in my arms. That's all I've wanted for the last 10 years." Jax answered honestly as he cupped her cheek. He couldn't give her an answer beyond that. He didn't know what tomorrow would bring, but as long as she was a part of his tomorrow, he was happy.

Tara smiled, she could live with that... for now.

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><p><strong>Hi everyone, <strong>

**So once again I dropped the ball on replying to reviews, and I'm so so sorry, but I have a really good excuse. I've been really, really sick. Couldn't get out of bed kind of sick. So I'm really really sorry, but I'm so very appreciative of all the kind reviews. I love each and every one of you and love hearing from you. Thank you so much. **

**So because I've been remiss, I'll lower the review threshold this chappie to 10. :D It's my way of saying sorry. **

**See you in 10 reviews, **

**xx Ally**


	14. Pre Season 2

**14.**

**Setting: Pre Season 2**

**Rating: M**

* * *

><p>Tara's head was resting against Jax's chest as they both struggled to get their breath back. Ever since Donna's funeral life had been strange. Things with Clay were bad, Opie was gone, the guys were all lost and yet when Jax came home life was great. The day of the funeral Wendy had moved out, she had finally accepted that she was not what he wanted. It was Tara. It had always been Tara.<p>

Tara spent most nights at his place; only going back to her dad's the nights that she worked the late shift at the hospital and didn't want to wake him when she got in at 4 am. They'd started this relationship under the most bizarre of circumstances, as Kohn lay dead in the bathroom, but somehow they'd managed to create a beautiful and surprisingly normal relationship. He'd missed her, missed her more than he could ever express, missed her every day. 10 years they'd spent missing each other and they'd kinda taken it upon themselves to make up for lost time.

Jax ran his hand down the length of her back and smiled to himself. Shifting out from beneath Tara, Jax coaxed her onto her stomach ignoring her confused expression. He just had to see it again. Scooting down the bed, he pushed the sheet down until her tattoo was exposed. Jax looked up the length of her naked back to her face and caught her eye. He smiled and dropped her a lazy wink before leaning in and gently kissing his tattoo. His mark that would forever be ingrained in her skin. It was such a fucking turn on. Jax loved that she'd walked around the past ten years with his name, his crow on her body. No matter how much time had passed, or how far away from him she had travelled, she had still belonged to him.

"I love this. I love that you never had it removed." Jax whispered as he traced the outline of the crow.

"Never baby." Tara whispered back as she watched him touch her so reverently. He always took such care with her, touched her gently and with so much love. It made her feel worshiped.

"My name will forever be on your skin." Jax spoke, almost as if to himself. He couldn't stop the next thought that popped into his head. Did it drive Kohn mad that it was another man's name on her body? Seeing the evidence that she would never belong to him, that she was always Jax's. He hoped it had. Hoped he'd been livid and jealous. Jax couldn't help but trace the words that were skilfully woven into the crow. 'Private Property of Jax Teller. Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again.' A wicked grin spread across his face, the words had always been true, and he'd proved it. The only man who had dared to trespass on his property had been shot twice. Put down like a dog. Nobody touched Jax Teller's woman.

Jax leaned in and started lavishing the black skin with soft, warm, wet kisses before kissing a slow trail up her back to finally claim her mouth in a deep, searing kiss. It may have seemed possessive and domineering, but it was a fact that Tara belonged to him, it was only fair though, because she completely owned him.

* * *

><p><strong>Hi Guys, <strong>

**Thank you to everyone for the well wishes, I'm slowly getting better. :D I'm sending you all big squeezy cuddles from a naked Jax. :p **

**I'm going to up it to 12 reviews again and see how we go. Hope you all had a fabulous weekend wherever you are in the world. **

**See you in 12 reviews. **

**xx Ally**


	15. Season 4 Opener

**15.**

**Setting: Pre Season 4**

**Rating: T**

* * *

><p>Tara sat in the office at Teller Morrow. She'd been in this exact position before. Sure a few things were different. The stroller beside her held a sleeping Thomas, rather than Abel, who sat on Gemma's lap across from her. Her foot absentmindedly rocked the stroller back and forth as Thomas slept peacefully and completely unaware of the excited tension that was rolling off his Momma. And all because, after 14 long months, Jackson Teller was coming home.<p>

Abel chatted happily to Gemma, the sound of his voice grounding Tara as her mind wandered to a certain blonde haired, blue eyed biker. She'd been a mess for the past week. So extremely happy that her man was finally coming home and yet overwhelmingly nervous at the same time. The last time they'd shared a bed a whole heap of issues had shared it with them. Issues that had never truly been resolved despite the lengthy, heated discussion they'd had before going to bed that night. Issues that still, if Tara was being honest, bother her to this day.

And now, there was another person in their lives, in their world. Thomas Teller, her beautiful baby boy was now 5 months old. He needed his daddy at home, where he belonged, Tara needed him there too. But how would it work now? How would they transition into being a family after 14 months of it being just Momma, Abel and Thomas? How would any of this work? There were too many questions and not enough time. Because Tara knew that as soon as she had Jax back in her arms, her body recognising it's other half after so long, there'd be little to no talking.

It was that urge, the familiar instinct in her body to seek his, because he was so close, that kept her leg moving unconsciously.

"Momma?" Abel's voice broke through Tara's musing and she looked up to see him reaching his little arms out for her. Tara smiled as she reached for him, pulling him off Gemma's lap and into her arms.

"TomTom sleep?" Abel asked and Tara nodded with a smile. Abel had been a little slow to talking, and he still chose to speak in small, concise sentences but his words were clear and well enunciated.

"Yes baby. He'll be awake soon. And guess what else?" Tara couldn't help but giggle at the excited expectant look on her son's face. "Daddy will be here soon."

"Daddy coming home? To stay?" Abel asked and Tara nodded before gently resting her brow against Abel's. His little hands came up to frame her face and he planted a big wet kiss on her cheek. Tara laughed, Abel joining in as they played a game that had become the little boy's favourite. However all noise ceased as the familiar sound of a gang of Harleys roaring down the road reached the occupants of the office. Tara, Gemma and Abel all turned to the driveway as the first Harley, Jax's, pulled into the lot.

"Daddy!" Abel called happily, loudly, waking baby Thomas. He looked at Tara guiltily as his baby brother cried in the stroller beside them. "Sorry I was loud Momma." Abel whispered as his little fingers found Tara's necklace.

"It's ok baby." Tara answered as Gemma lifted Abel off her lap and Tara picked Thomas up out of the stroller. The baby was consoled quickly, happy to be in his Momma's arms, and so was shifted to Tara's hip, and with Abel's hand in hers Tara led her boys out of the office to Jax who was accepting welcome home hugs but whose eyes hadn't left her and the boys since he slid off the back of his bike. The crowd seemed to part like the Dead Sea, all noise ceased and there was only them. Looking into Jax's eyes as he strode towards her and the boys it was like no one else in the world existed. It was like coming home, like taking a drink of water after roaming the desert, it was like oxygen. Jax watched her, his eyes never leaving hers as he bent to pick up Abel who was jumping up and down excitedly. She watched him kiss Abel's cheek as he hugged him close. She watched him as Clay came to take Abel. She watched him as he reached for Thomas, as he looked at their son in awe before kissing his head. She watched him while Gemma took Thomas to show him off to the club. She watched him while he stalked towards her and then... bliss. She was in his arms, his lips pressing fiercely to hers before his tongue found its way into her mouth, tangling with hers.

Jax's hands were everywhere, while her fingers explored his now short hair. She couldn't get close enough, no matter how hard she pressed her body against his, or how tight he held her, it wasn't enough. The need for oxygen was the only thing that could make them tear their lips from the others, and as Jax pulled back to look into her eyes she watched as her hand connected hard with the side of his face.

"What the hell?" Jax asked as his hand rose to cradle his stinging red cheek, his eyes looking at her with confusion before something came over them and he smiled sadly at her. "I guess I've had that coming for 14 months huh?" He asked before reaching for her, his hands finding her hips and pulling her against him.

"Yeah." She whispered before cupping his face in her hands, her right hand stroking his quickly swelling, red cheek. "I love you." Her lips grazed against his before capturing them in a deep kiss.

"I love you so much babe." Jax whispered, burying his face in her neck, holding her tight. Tara's arms wrapped around his neck, holding him close as she sighed with relief. She could finally breath, he was home.

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><p><strong>WOW guys, 15 chapters already. :O<strong>

**Ok. So since we've reached 15, I'm going to be really mean. Just for this chapter, do you think we can get to 15 reviews? Let's try. **

**See you soon. **

**xx Ally**


	16. Gilead

**16.**

**Setting: Season 2, Episode 7 "Gilead"**

**Rating: T**

* * *

><p>Tara watched helplessly as a livid Jax strode past her and into the garage. She'd been so scared while he was locked up. Terrified that something would happen to him and he'd be taken from her, taken so soon after she had just got him back. She'd wanted to run and jump into his arms, to kiss the life out of him. To cry as she held him tight against her. To rush him home and take him straight to bed. But as the van door slid open and she saw the positively furious expression on his face she paused. She didn't know what happened in that prison, but she knew it had happened between Jax and Clay.<p>

Tara had wanted to go after him, to console him in some way, any way, but Gemma had stopped her. That was 15 minutes ago. She'd sat in the office watching Abel and worrying herself silly about her man. She could see him through the glass, sitting on the cold concrete floor, knees up and his head drooping. She didn't know what he was thinking, how long he'd keep himself locked in this self imposed exile. He hadn't moved in so long. Just sat there. It was movement that finally stole her gaze from Abel. He was running his hands through his hair. With one final glance at Abel, who continued to sleep peacefully, Tara slowly and a little hesitantly entered the garage. She approached him carefully, like approaching an unpredictable animal.

When Tara finally stood right beside him, Jax looked up at her, and the look in his eyes brought her to her knees. Kneeling beside him Tara took Jax into her arms, he was in so much pain. His eyes had been full of sorrow with only the smallest traces of the anger she'd seen earlier. She cradled his head against her chest as Jax wound his arms around her waist. Not knowing what to do or say Tara merely dropped a kiss on Jax's hair and held him tightly.

"I missed you." Jax's choked voice whispered a moment later and Tara felt tears come to her eyes.

"I missed you too." Tara whispered back, her hands tangling in his hair and resting her cheek against the top of his head.

"Let's go home." Jax whispered after several quiet moments, Tara could only nod as they disentangled themselves. Once standing Jax took Tara's hand in his own, entwining their fingers, and the two walked into the office. Jax manoeuvred the stroller out of the office and pushed it toward the cutlass with one hand, the other still holding tight to Tara's. Tara looked up as she caught movement out of the side of her eye and saw the clubhouse door open.

Gemma stepped out and stopped in her tracks as she saw the couple walking across the lot. She watched as Jax brought their joined hands up to his lips to place a tender kiss to the back of Tara's hand. She could see even from the distance that all the anger had left Jax, and all that was left was a man who was just happy to be home with his old lady and his son.

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><p><strong><span>Happy Birthday<span> to Absolutely Cullen and Pureevil230. Hope you guys have a great day. I'm sending you shirtless cuddles from Jax. ;) **

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I set a high goal of 15 reviews and we actually beat it. :D You guys are amazing. And as a little gift. I'll drop it back to 12 reviews for this chapter. :D **

**So see you all in 12 reviews. Take care, **

**xx Ally**


	17. Season 4

**17.**

**Setting: Season 4**

**Rating: T**

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><p>Jax had fallen asleep, sweaty and spent, in his own bed for the first time in 14 months. After the boys had gone down, he and Tara had spent the night breaking in the new bed, and making up for 14 months apart. It was very late, or very early depending on your perspective, when they finally collapsed in each other's arms completely spent. Jax had fallen asleep a very happy man. He had everything he ever needed and wanted. His old lady in his arms, his kids sleeping peacefully down the hall and, for the moment at least, completely and utterly stress free.<p>

It was far earlier than he would have liked when he stirred from slumber. He would have just pulled Tara tighter against his chest and fallen right back asleep but it was the ever ominous feeling of being watched that had woken him in the first place. Jax took a deep breath before cracking his eyes open, bracing himself for whomever it was that he sensed standing beside his bed. He couldn't help but smile however when he looked directly into the eyes of his oldest child. Abel stood shuffling his feet with a shy smile on his face.

"Momma sleep?" Abel whispered looking at his Momma's sleeping face where it rested on Jax's chest. Jax glanced down at his girl to confirm that she was in fact still sleeping before nodding.

"Yeah little man." Jax answered with a smile and unconsciously tightened his hold on Tara.

"Wake her?" The hopeful look on Abel's face was adorable.

"No buddy, Momma needs to sleep, she's tired." Jax answered and felt like the biggest asshole when Abel's face fell. However a moment later he smiled at his daddy again.

"Ok. I up." Jax was trying really hard not to laugh. He loved the way Abel talked, it was hilarious and the fact that he stood before him in his onesie pyjamas stating the obvious was just plain cute.

"I see that dude." Jax replied tightly with the effort of holding in his laughter.

"No Dadda. I up?" Abel pointed at the bed, his voice sounding annoyed and exasperated. That in and of its self was hilarious. But Abel pointing out his father's mistake in the way only a 2 year old can was just beyond funny.

"Oh, yeah Abel come here." Jax answered catching on, and quickly insuring that the sheet was well tucked around his hips. He'd really have to start wearing boxers to bed now. He was just thankful that Abel was happy to be on top of the sheets and didn't reach for them to slip underneath.

Abel used Jax's free arm for support as he clambered his little body up on to the bed beside Jax and curled in to his free side, his head resting beside Tara's on his chest. Life didn't get any better than this. Jax smiled as he watched Abel reach out to touch Tara's hair gently. He was ready to grab Abel's hand in case the little guy did anything to wake Tara, but it seemed that Abel took after his father in more than just physical appearances. The way he smiled at Tara, the way he wanted to be near her, and touch her. Abel adored Tara; loved his Momma more than anything in the world. Tara had three Teller men who were madly in love with her. Jax dropped a kiss on each of their heads while enjoying the silence and the warmth of holding two of his favourite people in his arms.

But with that thought, Jax had an overwhelming urge to run down the hall and bring Thomas in here to lie with them. He hadn't had much time with his baby boy and it broke his heart. He loved him so much. He hadn't understood before how you could be so completely in love with someone you hadn't even met. Not even with Abel had he felt that instant love that he felt just knowing that Thomas was growing inside Tara. He was ashamed to admit that when he found out Wendy was pregnant he wasn't pleased. Understatement, but unfortunately true. It wasn't until he saw him, looked into his tiny face, that he fell so completely in love with Abel.

But with Thomas... when Gemma had announced abruptly that Tara was pregnant during the hell that was Belfast he'd been stunned and numb. But once everyone had left him alone for a moment he'd let the words sink in; let himself realise that it was the truth and not just a shock tactic his mother was using. His heart had swelled immediately. The love overwhelming him. This was how it was supposed to feel, how it should have been the first time. Discovering that you had created a life with the love of your life was indescribable. It had driven him to get Abel back, take him home and make things right with Tara because he didn't want to live without her, he never had. It was a desperately needed kick in the ass, and it thawed the ice that had covered his heart from the moment Jax watched that boat disappear with his son.

And as wonderful as it was lying with Tara and Abel it wasn't complete. He needed and wanted Thomas lying on his chest too. Needed his whole family in his arms. But he couldn't move without waking Tara and flashing his son, so he stayed where he was, settling for holding two thirds of his world in his arms.

Jax's left hand ran through Tara's hair as his right rubbed Abel's back. He could drift off right now. No bed had ever felt this good. And it had nothing to do with the actual bed, rather than the occupants of it. But right as he thought he might he felt a little hand tugging on his goatee. Jax couldn't help but laugh quietly before reaching for Abel's hand. However, before he could, Tara's hand left his chest and took hold of Abel's.

"Whatcha doin' little man?" Tara's groggy voice spoke up from his chest.

"Momma!" Abel called happily. Jax watched him reach over and plant a very wet kiss on Tara's cheek and couldn't help but groan at the sight, it didn't look particularly pleasant but Tara just smiled and wiped the spittle from her cheek.

"Morning sweetheart. Where's TomTom?" Tara asked and Jax noticed with a smug smile that she didn't move from her position snuggled into his side, head on his chest. She only moved her hand to stroke Abel's back.

"TomTom sleep." Abel answered as he started to play with a strand of Tara's hair.

"Good morning to you too by the way." Jax joked as his hand lightly tickled Tara's hip. She raised her head to look at him.

"Good morning baby. Do you know how good it is to say that? To wake up like this? I've waited so long for this." Tara whispered as a tear slipped from her eye. Jax reached up to wipe it away and smiled sweetly at her.

"I know babe, believe me, I know." He leaned up enough to brush his lips over hers.

"I'm going to go check on Thomas." Tara announced when she pulled away.

"Bring him in here?" Jax asked as she disentangled herself from him. She nodded and told Abel to stay with Daddy that she'd be back in a minute with TomTom. Jax smiled as Abel started to tell him all about how Thomas or TomTom as he called him, was his little brother and he was the big brother which meant he was older and he had to look after him. His little voice was like music as he jabbered on and Jax hung on his every word. When Tara appeared in the door way with a groggy and slightly grumpy looking Thomas on her shoulder Jax could feel his whole face light up, the smile on his face was so big. Tara came over to the bed and gently placed Thomas in the middle of Jax's chest before climbing back into bed and resuming her position tucked into his left side.

Now he was in heaven. Jax was certain of it. Life didn't get any better than this. The morning sun creeping in the window, relaxing in his own warm and comfortable bed with his kids and his Old Lady. But looking down at Tara's left hand that rubbed circles on Thomas's back, Jax knew that this image wasn't complete. There were two things missing. So he vowed to get Tara's name tattooed on him as soon as possible. He already had 'Thomas' on his left arm, but she deserved a place on his body, after all it belonged to her. But there was one more thing that he needed to do. One thing missing. A particular piece of jewellery that should be residing on Tara's left hand. A ring. Jax made up his mind that he would make it happen. He would get his ring on that finger. Tara Knowles would be his wife.

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><p><strong>Thank you to everyone who reviewed. I love you all so much. :D <strong>

**So, I think i'll stick with 12 reviews again for this one. Hope you all enjoy it. And I'll see you again in 12 reviews. :D**

**xx Ally**


	18. June Wedding

**18.**

**Setting: Season 3, Episode 12 "June Wedding"**

**Rating: T**

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><p>Jax sat on a hospital bed in the emergency department of St Thomas hospital thinking of only one person. Tara. His Tara. She was somewhere in this hospital being tended to. He didn't know where and no one would tell him anything. He was getting the very distinct feeling that it wasn't because of hospital policy that they were keeping him in the dark. He hadn't seen her since he put a gun in her hand and kissed her in Jacob Hale's office. He'd gone after Salazar and by the time he'd talked to the cops, had his arm and head temporarily patched, she was gone. They'd told him they'd taken her straight to the hospital. And that was the last thing he'd heard. He was getting close to begging. And to make matters worse, he'd been sitting here waiting for a doctor for half an hour. The paramedics on the scene had told him he needed stitches, and so he waited.<p>

When the curtain was finally pulled aside and a guy in a white coat entered the stall, quickly closing the curtain behind him Jax couldn't help but sigh with relief. Finally he could get this over with and go find Tara.

"Mr Teller, I'm Doctor Roberts, I'll be taking care of you today." The doctor spoke without even raising his eyes from the chart in his hands and Jax rolled his eyes. Tara would never be so rude, and in that moment he got a whole new kind of respect for her. Her bedside manner as a doctor was impeccable. Some of these clowns could stand to learn from her.

"Do you know Tara? Doctor Knowles?" Jax asked hoping he could get information from this guy. The Doctor sighed and looked up at Jax finally.

"I know her. And I know what you're going to ask me, but I can't tell you anything Mr. Teller. I'm aware that you are in a relationship with Dr. Knowles but unless you are an immediate family member or her emergency contact I can't divulge any information."

"But I am her emergency contact. Check her file." Jax spoke quickly finally finding a little hope that he could get some answers out of these idiots.

"I have. You're not. She changed her information. You are not her emergency contact Mr. Teller." Dr. Roberts looked at him sadly but Jax was just confused. What the hell was this guy talking about? Of course he was Tara's emergency contact. He had been since a week after Donna's funeral. With no other family and no one else she trusted as much as Jax, she'd told him that she'd put his name down. He remembered feeling humbled and proud all at once. That he was the person his girl trusted most in the world. That if she made a decision like that then she wasn't going anywhere. She was here to stay, to stay with him. He'd been so happy, but now he was just confused.

"What? When did she change it? Whose name did she put down?" Jax asked this guy who looked like he'd rather be anywhere else in the world.

"She changed it about a week ago. She left it blank Mr. Teller. Now, I'm sorry I can't tell you anything, but I can stitch up these cuts of yours and take your blood for the tests."

Jax's sadness at hearing that Tara had removed his name in place of no one, and the knowledge that she'd done it around the time she found him with Ima was put aside when he heard the words blood and tests.

"Tests? What tests?" Jax was healthy as a horse, physically anyway. His ability to royally fuck everything up was sure to be attributed to some kind of emotional illness but he wasn't going to get into that, especially since there weren't any blood tests for that sort of thing.

"There's a request on your chart for blood tests for sexually transmitted illnesses and diseases." Doc Roberts refused to meet his eyes and Jax's blood began to boil.

"What? Do you order STD tests for every head and arm you stitch?" This was bullshit and he was going to get to the bottom of this. What right did this guy have to judge and insult him?

"No. But there is an annotation on your chart requesting it. So I have to do it." Dr Roberts looked at Jax with a mixture of exasperation and fear. Neither could bode well for a number of reasons.

"Who?" Jax demanded. He'd had enough of this bullshit.

The doctor sighed again, handing the chart to Jax and pointed out the signature on the form. Jax immediately recognised Tara's signature. He supposed he deserved that. But as horrible as it was to see, to know that she wanted it, why she wanted it, he couldn't help but see it as a sign of hope. If she wanted the tests done, then maybe she wanted to be with him still. Maybe she could forgive him. As long as she knew he couldn't make her sick.

But that depended on a lot right now, most of which was Jax being able to actually find her. Sighing to himself and nodding at the doctor Jax wordlessly held his arm out for the doctor to do whatever he needed to do. They were silent as the doctor stitched his eyebrow where Salazar had pistol whipped him, and his arm that he cut with the axe, before taking blood for the tests. He couldn't blame Tara for ordering the tests. He deserved that and so much more for what he'd done. He knew what he was doing; he did it exactly for that reason. Ima meant less than nothing, she was a means to an end, and although it had succeeded at the time he'd take it back a thousand times if it meant never having to see that hurt in her eyes. To never have her look at him the way she did that morning. He let her down. He broke her heart. And right now he wasn't sure if she should forgive him at all.

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><p><strong>Oh my gosh guys. We've reached 200 reviews. Thank you so much to everyone who is reading and reviewing, I can't thank you enough. You're all amazing. In honor of our 200, here's a long chapter. In fact, it's got an extended version too. <strong>

**I will put the extended version up once we reach 12 reviews. :D And a new chapter here in 15.**

**So, I'll see you over there in 12 reviews, and here in 15. :D **

**xx Ally**


	19. Service

**19.**

**Setting: Season 2, Episode 11 "Service"**

**Rating: T**

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><p>Tara took a shaky breath, breathing in the scent of Jax as he held her tightly in his arms. The feel of his fingers tangling in her hair were a comfort that had never been matched, and as she held tightly to him she started to feel foolish. Her abrupt and ill-timed little speech a moment ago now seemed silly and unnecessary.<p>

"I'm sorry." She whispered into his cut and reluctantly allowed him to pull away.

"What are you sorry for?" Jax asked as he brushed the tears from her cheeks.

"Dumping all this on you, especially now, I just love you so much..." Tara's words were cut off by Jax's lips pressing firmly against hers.

"Babe. Don't apologise. If it's been bothering you, hurting you, I want you to talk to me about it. I want you to talk to me about everything. You know that." Jax rested his forehead against hers; he hated to see her cry. Hated having her think she couldn't talk to him, no matter what was going on. He wanted her to know that she could always talk to him. Always.

"Yeah I know. I'm still sorry that I did this now."

"Don't be. I'm not. As much as you needed it, I think I did too. I want all that with you Babe. I always have. That's never changed." As surprised Jax was when she brought this up, he was also really glad she had. He wanted all of it with Tara. He wanted her to be the mother of his children, hell she already was.

"Ditto." She smiled and Jax brushed a strand of hair off her face.

"What brought this on now?"

"I've just been thinking about it." Tara answered while diverting her eyes, a classic sign that she was slightly embarrassed by it all and slightly uncomfortable admitting where her thoughts had been lately. Jax was pretty sure he knew exactly what she'd been thinking about but needed to confirm it.

"Babies?" When he saw the light in her eyes at the word he didn't need her to say anything more. Tara was feeling clucky. She wanted to have a baby.

"Yeah. I look at Abel and I... I love him, so much, and I just would love him to have a brother, a sister." Tara smiled as an image of their kids playing happily in the back yard flashed through her mind. She wanted that so bad. More than anything in the world.

"Me too."Jax whispered before leaning his forehead against hers. He wanted the same things she did, and until she actually said it, he hadn't realised just how badly he'd needed to hear it. In fact, now that it was out there Jax felt like a weight he hadn't even realised he'd been carrying had been lifted off his shoulders. "We'll get there babe. We'll get through all of this shit and then we'll start working on those babies."

"Yeah?" Tara asked softly with a small smile.

"Absolutely. In fact... I rather like the idea of knocking you up." Jax grinned wickedly as his statement had the desired effect; Tara threw her head back and laughed. "I'm serious. It's like a primal thing babe; I love the idea of knocking you up. You carrying my baby. It's really fucking hot."

"You gonna start beating your fists against your chest now?" Tara continued to laugh as she took his hand and played with his fingers.

"Nah. Maybe I'll just strip you naked and start practising." Jax wiggled his eyebrows at her and smiled as she wrapped her arms around him. Tara didn't laugh enough; the sound was music to his ears, but he didn't hear it enough. He'd have to change that. "I love you babe. So much."

"I love you too. Always" Tara whispered back and Jax smiled as he placed a gentle kiss against her forehead. They had some serious shit to get through, but they would. And once all of it was over and done with then they'd started working on that little brother or sister for Abel. A baby with Tara. Yeah, that was definitely something that he wanted.

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><p><strong>You guys are blowing me away. Not only did we reach 12 reviews quickly, but 15. You're amazing. Thank you to everyone reading and reviewing. I really appreciate it. I'm sending you big hugs, bear hugs... from Jax. :D <strong>

**I put an extended version of the last chapter up, so if you haven't read it, please do so. It goes into a lot more detail. A lot. **

**I thought I'd post something a little more fluffy to break up the angst of the last chapter. :D **

**See you in 12 reviews guys. **

**xx Ally**


	20. S03E09

**20.**

**Setting: Season 3, Sometime during or around Episode 9 "Turas"**

**Rating: T**

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><p>Tara woke abruptly to the sound of pounding on her front door. Groggily she reached for her phone on the bedside table and looked at the time. 3am. Who the hell was pounding at her door at 3am. Dragging her tired body out of bed and shuffling through the living room Tara peeked through the peephole to see Tig and Kozik standing on her front step. Confused she quickly opened the door.<p>

"What are you guys doing?" Tara asked quietly as she ushered them inside before the neighbours called the cops at all the noise the guys were making.

"Are you ok?" Tig asked reaching out to grip her shoulders and searching her face. Tara nodded silently as she looked between Tig and Kozik's worried faces. "What are you doing here?"

"I live here." Tara answered; they were really starting to freak her out.

"No you don't. Your dad did. You live with Jax. So why are you here?" At his words things started to click for Tara. Tig and Kozik were worried something had happened to her because they had gone looking for her at Jax's only to find the house empty with no sign of her. How was she going to explain this?

"No Tig. I live here. I used to live with Jax. I don't anymore." Tara answered flatly.

"What are you talking about?" Kozik asked gently as he looked into her eyes, Tig was pacing the living room like a caged animal.

"We broke up. I moved out. We're done." Tara sat down on the sofa and stared at her hands. She didn't know what that meant to these guys, didn't know why they were even here. But admitting it out loud had caused a physical ache in her chest. They were done, and her heart was broken. "Is there a reason you guys were trying to beat my door down at 3am?"

"Ah, yeah." Kozik answered slowly as he sat down beside her. "We need you to do a patch job. Nothing serious, we just kinda freaked when we couldn't find you."

"No need for that. "

"I think there might have been. Tara, are you alright honey?" Tig asked as he sat down beside her.

"No. I'll go get my bag, I won't be a second." Tara spoke quickly before rushing out of the room.

Tig and Kozik looked at each other worriedly. Tara was clearly not ok. Hell, she even admitted that. Jax was going through hell; everyone knew that, unfortunately he was using the good doctor as his punching bag. When Tara re-emerged from the bedroom changed and her bag slung over her shoulder Tig and Kozik quickly stood.

"Listen Doc. I know that things are shitty right now. And that Jax has been... well... just know that we've all got your back honey. We're a family and you're a part of that family. Jax will come round. He'll get Abel back and everything will be ok. You just got to hang in there honey." Tig said as he slung an arm around her shoulders and led her out the door.

"Yeah. Hang in there. Right." Tara said sadly before hopping in the cutlass and following the guys to the club house.

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><p><strong>I know, that was mean, I gave you a happy chapter 19, then an angsty chapter 20. I'm sorry. But holy smokes people, we reached 20 chapters. So in honor of this special occasion, I'm requesting 15 reviews. I know you guys can do it, you gave me 14 for chapter 19 when I only asked for 12. You're all amazing. We can do it, we can reach 15. :D <strong>

**I want to thank you all so much for reading, reviewing, following and adding this fic to your faves. I really appreciate it. I'm so glad you're all enjoying the fic. I wanted to let you know that I have no plans of stopping at this point. Or even slowing down. And I wanted to ask you all how you feel about chapters relating to or featuring the appisodes. Some people might consider it spoilerish, so I want to make sure I have your support before I start writing anything. Let me know. **

**Thank you all again, and I'll see you in 15 reviews. :D **

**xx Ally**


	21. Post Season 3 Take 2

**21.**

**Setting: Post Season 3**

**Rating: T**

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><p>The sun was shining, the birds were singing. It was that cliché spring day, the kind that you were meant to be happy to be alive to experience. And although Tara was happy to be alive, a part of her was missing, and until she got it back, she wouldn't be truly happy.<p>

Jax had been in prison for 6 months. 6 long months. Tara had tried to go on, business as usual, but life without Jax had always been empty, this was no exception. Abel's cries over the baby monitor forced Tara out of bed and she couldn't help but smile as she looked down at his gorgeous little face, which lit up as soon as he saw her. She wasn't sure if there had been any long term emotional effects from his kidnapping, but Abel was clingy now. He'd never been that way before, but now he didn't like having Tara out of his sight. Not that she minded, to be honest, she couldn't stand being away from him either.

Reaching in to the crib Tara took a hold of a happily squealing Abel and carried him over to the change table. Once he was clean and dressed Tara headed into the kitchen to fix up some breakfast for them both. At 8 months pregnant Tara found herself hungry more often than not. Her belly was huge, and she was starting to feel like a house, but every time she looked down at it she couldn't help but smile. At around the 4 month mark Abel had picked up on it too. He'd reach out and touch it every now and then. Realistically Tara knew he didn't understand why he was doing it, only that he was copying what he saw Gemma and Tara doing, but she liked to think it was because he knew his little brother was in there.

"Morning." Gemma's voice called as she let herself in, speak of the devil.

"Morning." Tara called back as she settled Abel in his high chair. "We're just getting breakfast. Hungry?"

"No baby, I already ate. You sit I'll make it." Gemma smiled and Tara shrugged sitting down at the kitchen table with Abel. If Gemma wanted to cook for her, she wasn't going to argue. She'd been coming over every morning all week, ever since her house arrest ended. "How're you feeling today honey?"

"Good, Junior & Abel both slept through the night, so I got some sleep." Tara smiled as she pulled faces at a giggling and clapping Abel.

"That's good sweetheart. But you and Jax are really going to have to settle on a name soon, you're running out of time." Gemma smiled patting Tara's tummy as she placed a glass of milk down in front of her.

"I know, when I go see him tomorrow we'll sort it out." Tara smiled as Abel played with her fingers.

"What do you want to eat?" Gemma asked as she placed a bowl of baby food on the kitchen table for Tara to start feeding Abel.

"Umm. Toast. I'm craving toast." Tara smiled as Abel tried to stick his whole hand in the bowl. Tara grabbed his hand before he could succeed and kissed his little fingers earning a giggle from him.

"Ok sweetheart." Ten minutes later Abel was fed, Tara was eating and Gemma was sitting opposite her with a cup of coffee playing with Abel. "Sweetheart, there's something I've been meaning to ask you about."

"Ok?" Tara asked with a quirked eyebrow. She had a feeling that no good was going to come from this conversation.

"That agent you had the restraining order against, he disappeared. Jax have anything to do with that?"

Tara looked up at Gemma stunned. Of all the things she was expecting her to say, that wasn't it. They'd touched on this subject once before, but she'd never expected Gemma to bring it up again. Her silence must have said more than any denial she was struggling to string together in her head, because Gemma just nodded her head.

"I thought so. Wanna tell me what happened?"

"I already did." Tara spoke softly becoming fascinated with the half full glass of milk.

"No you didn't. I told you mine, you tell me yours." Gemma pushed as she took Tara's hand in hers.

"I was with him in Chicago. He seemed nice. He was persistent. Everything was fine at first, but when he started talking about marriage and kids and telling me he loved me all the time... I had to end it. I couldn't give him what he wanted. I wanted it with someone else." Tara risked a glance up at Gemma, but she was just smiling encouragingly and Tara couldn't help but wonder how much of this story Gemma already knew.

"He didn't take it well. He got violent, started stalking me. I'd wake up in the middle of the night and he was there. It was scary. I got really good at covering black eyes. He... he made it impossible to say no once and that was the final straw. I went to three separate precincts before anyone would give me a restraining order." Tara felt Gemma squeeze her hand and looked up into her understanding face.

"Is that when you came back here?" At Gemma's question Tara shook her head and smiled at Abel, looking at his little face calmed her down and she was able to continue her story.

"No. The RO was working. But by that point all my co-workers knew and although he stayed the appropriate distance away, I would still see him watching me from down the street. I would notice his car following me. I moved, but I still felt like he was watching me. Chicago had been this wonderful, exciting place but he made it so that I was afraid of my shadow, that I hated the city and its anonymity. Nothing felt the same. I just wanted to come home. I always felt safe here." Tara ran her hand over Abel's head and felt her heart swell as he smiled brightly at her.

"I honestly didn't think he'd follow me here, and despite what you might think I didn't come here hoping to get Jax back, or hoping he'd take care of Kohn."

"Don't go accusing me of thinking sweetheart, I wouldn't dream of it." Gemma winked and Tara couldn't help but laugh at the woman who had been her mother figure since she was 12.

"He broke into my dad's house. I came home from the hospital and Jax was waiting for me. He wanted some medical supplies for Cameron's gunshot wounds. Hindsight being what it is, we should have just let that Irish bastard bleed to death." Tara's expression and tone changed at the reminder of Cameron. Her Momma bear instincts rearing up.

"Won't get any arguments from me there." Gemma smiled and waited for Tara to continue.

"When Jax left, I went into the bedroom and I noticed a second iPod on the bedside table. Then he was there, out of nowhere. I tried to scream, but he covered my mouth and knocked me out. When I came to I was the on the bed. He tried to... I managed to stop him, I got his gun and I shot him. I shot him in the stomach." A tear slipped from Tara's eye and Gemma was up on her feet and over beside Tara in an instant. She put one arm around her shoulders and took her hand with the other.

"I called Jax. I didn't know what else to do. He came back right away. I was half naked and Kohn was bleeding in the bedroom. He was still yelling and when he saw Jax he started saying all these horrible things. Jax shot him, in the head. I'd never seen anyone die like that before." Tara looked up at Gemma expecting to see anger, directed at her, but instead saw pride and heartbreak.

"I'm so glad Jax was here." Gemma said as she pulled Tara into her arms.

"Me too." Tara whispered against Gemma's shoulder as she hugged her back tightly. She hadn't realised how much she needed to get that off her chest. Holding it in as her and Jax's dirty little secret was hurting her more than she ever realised.

"I'm so thankful you survived that honey. But I'm so sorry you had to go through it." Gemma whispered as she brushed Tara's hair back from her face.

"Momma?" Abel's little voice piped up from the high chair and Tara turned quickly to see him looking sad and slightly confused. Tara laughed nervously as she picked him up out of the high chair and sat him on her lap.

"Momma's ok baby." Tara kissed Abel on the cheek as he cuddled into her belly. Holding Abel now and feeling her son moving inside her, Kohn seemed like a whole different life. Like a dream that never really was. He couldn't hurt her anymore. Telling Gemma was like finally exorcising the demon. That last little hold he had on her being her dirty little secret was gone. It was out in the open now, if only with Gemma, but putting it out there meant that whatever frayed hold he still managed to have on her was finally cut. Kohn couldn't hurt her anymore. He couldn't hurt Jax, or Abel or their unborn son. He was gone for good. A bad dream that they'd woken from and would never find themselves reliving again. Finally, after almost 2 years, Kohn was dead and buried.

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><p><strong>Guys, I can't thank you all enough for all the support. You're amazing and I love you all.<strong>

**Hope you all enjoy this chapter, and you know the drill. See you in 12 reviews. :D**

**xx Ally**


	22. Balm

**22.**

**Setting: Season 2, Episode 10 "Balm"**

**Rating: K+**

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><p>"Hey Neeta, I'm home." Tara called as she closed the door behind her and dumped her bag on the kitchen table.<p>

"Hi sweetheart." Neeta was sitting on the sofa bouncing Abel on her knee, who smiled brightly when he saw Tara.

"Hello sweet boy." Tara reached out and took Abel whose little hands were reaching for her. "Were you a good boy today?"

"He was great, as always Momma." Neeta smiled as Tara sat down beside her. "How was your day?"

"Fine. No surgeries so it was nice and slow." Tara made silly faces at a giggling Abel.

"Well everything is done here; clothes are washed and folded on your bed and the dishes are done."

"Thank you Neeta, you're a god send." Tara smiled at Neeta; she really was such a wonderful woman. She was so loving with Abel and everyone really.

"My pleasure. Is there anything else I can do for you sweetheart?" Neeta asked reaching out to rub Tara's back gently. Tara couldn't help but smile at the gesture. Neeta was such a Mom. Every gesture she made was so motherly and loving. It was comforting to know that a woman like that was looking after Abel when she couldn't. And truth be told, she looked after all of them.

"Uh. Actually, there are some groceries if you wouldn't mind."

"Not at all honey. I'll go do that and you have some alone time with Master Abel."

"Thanks Neeta that would be great." Tara stood from the sofa, Abel on her hip and collected the list off the fridge as well as cash from her wallet and saw Neeta out.

"Looks like it's just you and me baby. I missed you so much today little man." Abel giggled happily in Tara's arms as she sat down on the sofa. She looked forward to these moments with him. When it was just the two of them and she felt no hesitation or fear to behave like his Momma. She loved him so much, she knew she couldn't love him more if she had carried and given birth to him herself. She wanted nothing more than to be his Momma, but she was frightened of what Jax and Gemma would do or say if she ever laid claim to him. Tara knew she had to wait for Jax to come to her with it. But when it was just her and Abel, then she was free to be his Momma. And she loved every minute of it. Blowing raspberries on his tummy, placing gentle kisses that made him giggle all over his face. Pretending to eat his hands and feet and watching his face light up when she did. He'd hold his feet up for more, to do it again. It was their time, their play time, and it made her happier than she ever thought she could be.

The doorbell rang after twenty minutes interrupting their alone time. Picking Abel up and placing him on her hip Tara went to the door and opened it with a smile that immediately dropped once she saw who was waiting on the other side of it.

"What do you want?" Tara asked the blonde agent standing before her with her usual, and excruciatingly annoying, cocky smirk.

"Jax home?" Agent June Stahl smiled as Tara glared.

"No."

"Call him." Stahl demanded before pushing her way past Tara and into the house.

"You can't just come in here. You need a warrant." Tara called as she followed Stahl into the living room.

"Relax, I'm not looking for anything. I just want to talk to Jax. So if you want me gone, I suggest you call him quickly."

Tara left Stahl sitting in the living room reluctantly and headed to the kitchen. As soon as she had her cell she rushed back, she didn't trust this woman at all and wasn't about to leave her alone in their house. Standing in front of the woman who looked far too comfortable in her house, Tara typed out a quick text to Jax.

"That's a beautiful boy, you've got there, but then, he's not yours is he." The smirk on Stahl's face was just begging to be knocked off and once upon a time Tara wouldn't have hesitated in doing just that. But she's not 18 anymore, and she's got a baby in her arms. She had to keep reminding herself not to let the bitch get under her skin, like she was trying to do.

"How about this, you just keep your mouth shut and I won't call Chief Unser and tell him all about the unlawful entry you've got going on here." Tara snapped and Abel whimpered unhappily in her arms. Tara held him against her chest and whispered soothing words to the baby and he calmed immediately. Tara couldn't help but smile as Abel took hold of her finger and gripped it tightly. Every now and then he'd bring her finger to his mouth and gnaw on it. He was just beginning to teeth and she knew the hell that was about to accompany that for him. She wanted to speed up time and spare her baby boy from that. Movement from Stahl on the sofa tore Tara from her musings.

"He really loves you." Stahl motioned with her head to Abel. "I guess you really are his mother."

Tara opened her mouth to retort when she heard the unmistakeable rumble of Jax's Harley pulling into the drive. "Oh thank god." Tara mumbled as she rushed to the front door. She couldn't stand June Stahl and she hated having this crazy woman in her house, hated even more having her around her child. And now that Jax was here, hopefully that meant the bitch would leave. Tara reached for the handle just as the door opened and Jax entered.

"What's up? Your text was vague."

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><p><strong>Thank you all for reviewing the last chapter. You guys rock! <strong>

**I can only reply to the signed reviews, but I love all reviews. I just wanted to let those I can't reply to know how much appreciate your support. So please keep reviewing. :D**

**See you in 12 reviews. :D **

**xx Ally**


	23. Balm 2

**23.**

**Setting: Season 2, Episode 10 "Balm"**

**Rating: T**

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><p>Tara smiled softly at Gemma. She felt so proud of the older woman. She'd been trying to get her to talk about the rape. To anyone, anyone at all, just to get it off her chest and out in the world so it couldn't own her anymore. She'd come to accept that wouldn't happen. That Gemma would more than likely go to her grave with that secret. When she'd ordered Jax and Tara to her house, Tara hadn't thought that this was the reason. She expected a fight. A really big one. Between everyone... had known it was coming. She really hadn't expected what happened. As Jax led her out of the house and to her car on the street, she took great comfort in the feel of his arm around her shoulder, his lips pressing soft kisses against her forehead with every few steps.<p>

Jax opened the car door for her. "Lock the doors." He whispered as she took her seat behind the steering wheel.

"Ok." She whispered back as he closed the door. He leaned down to kiss her through the open window.

"Wind the windows up, and don't stop for anyone on the way home. I'm going to be right beside you the whole way. But don't get out of the car until I'm at your door. Ok?" He looked terrified and Tara nodded slowly.

"Not til you're beside me." She whispered back and returned his kiss when he leaned in to brush his lips against hers. Once he stepped back, Tara wound her window up and locked all the doors of the cutlass. She smiled softly at Jax, who stood beside the car watching her every move, and started the car. She waited until he was on his bike, helmet on and engine started before she started to pull out onto the street. True to his word Jax stayed right beside her all the way home. She pulled into her usual spot in the drive and shut off the engine. Tara watched Jax park the bike; remove his helmet and every step he took until he was standing beside her door. She unlocked it and Jax opened it. As soon as she was out of the car, Jax wrapped his arms around her. They stood there, for gold only knows how long, wrapped in each other's arms. It was the front door opening that finally made them pull apart. Neeta was standing in the doorway looking both confused and worried.

"Hey Neeta." Jax called taking Tara's hand and leading her up the front walk and to the front door.

"Is everything ok?" Neeta asked as she stepped aside to allow all three of them into the house. Jax closed and locked the door behind them. Something he never did and it didn't go unnoticed by both women.

"Everything's fine. I'm going to call one of the guys to come take you home ok." Jax spoke softly and Neeta nodded wordlessly, looking to Tara to explain the strange and eerie feeling that had settled over the small house and its occupants. Tara merely shook her head and moved into the kitchen to make some tea.

Tara started moving around the kitchen but Neeta came in and stilled her suddenly shaking hands taking over. Tara smiled softly at the older lady. She was such a kind soul. Tara hated that she'd been dragged into this too.

"Go on sweetheart, I'll make the tea." Neeta whispered and Tara nodded before heading down the hall to the bedroom she shared with Jax.

She found him sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. With slow, almost hesitant steps, Tara approached Jax. When she was standing directly in front of him, without even looking up, Jax reached out and wrapped his arms around Tara's hips. He pulled her closer and buried his face in her stomach. Tara reached up immediately to tangle her fingers in his hair. His arms gripped her tightly as Tara tried to offer the comfort he needed. But she didn't know what to say, what to do. Nothing could make this ok. What was done to Gemma is the worst thing one person can do to another. There is nothing as bad as rape. Nothing. When they heard a Harley pull into the drive Jax pulled away. Tara looked down at his face to see the tears that he'd cried against her. Her hands reached up and brushed the tear tracks from his face before leaning down to kiss him gently.

Jax stood from the bed and brought Tara's hand up to his lips, laying gentle kisses on each of her fingers before moving to the bedroom door.

"I'm going to change." Tara called out and Jax nodded, attempting to smile before going to answer the door.

When Tara emerged from the bedroom 10 minutes later, changed, Jax was sitting alone at the kitchen table. Neeta was gone, Chibbs having followed her, and they were alone with the horrible truth. Tara joined Jax at the table until Clay arrived. She stood in the kitchen doorway, holding Jax's gun, and watching the two Sons disappear into the nursery. Despite her familiarity with them, Tara hated guns. But more than anything, she knew that despite the cavalier way in which he'd handed it to her, Jax had hated putting that gun in her hand. Hated that she needed protection. Hated that he hadn't been able to protect his mother. The next few days, maybe even weeks, were going to be rough. Of that, Tara was certain.

Sitting down at the kitchen table, Tara gently placed the gun down in front of her. The action was eerily reminiscent of the way Jax had placed Kohn's gun down on the bedside table that night they'd killed him. Tara just stared at the gun for a moment, this object she hated but had become an almost permanent part of her life, before reaching for Jax's cut, the needle and thread. She picked up where Jax left off, stitching the patches back on his cut. By the time Clay left, all three patches were back in position on the leather cut. As much as she hated it sometimes, they were back where they belonged. Jackson Teller was a member of the Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club. The VP of the mother charter. She loved the man, and she was learning to love the club despite the dangers involved.

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><p><strong>Thank you everyone for reading, reviewing, and adding this fic to your alerts &amp; favourites. I appreciate the support. <strong>

**I've decided, since I'm updating faster than I can write at the moment cause you guys are reviewing like mad. So I've decided to up the review threshold to 15. That might seem like a lot, but you guys are making it to 14 and even higher at times when the threshold is 12, so you'll make it. :D **

**So see you in 15 reviews guys. **

**xx Ally**


	24. Small Tears 2

**24.**

**Setting: Season 2, Episode 2 "Small Tears"**

**Rating: T**

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><p>Jax and the boys had just left LuAnn's studio, they were going to visit this Georgie Caruso asshole that was giving her hell and put a stop to it. Jax had made a promise to Otto, and he always kept his promises to his brothers. But before he did that he had to take care of something else. Something that had been bothering him all morning.<p>

"Guys, I gotta stop by the hospital on the way." Jax called as they all mounted their bikes.

"No worries Jackie Boy. We'll follow ya." Chibbs called back before they all took off.

Tara had been acting strange. Jax was worried she wasn't handling their discussion from last night as well as she was letting on. And he couldn't continue the rest of the day worried about her. He needed to know that she was ok, that they were ok. When they pulled up at the hospital the guys decided to wait outside while Jax went in. He found her quicker than he expected.

"Hey." Jax called as he spotted her coming out of a patient's room.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Tara answered as she looked around him obviously expecting to see the guys trailing behind him.

"I need to talk to you, anywhere we can be alone?"

Tara nodded and led him down the hall to the on call room. The room was empty and pitch black when they stepped inside, until Tara flipped the light switch anyway.

"What's wrong?" She asked as she reached up to cup his face.

"I was going to ask you the same thing. You seemed... I don't know... off, this morning." Jax answered worriedly and relaxed slightly when she smiled up at him.

"I'm sorry. I'm fine. Honestly. I was just... tired for one, and everything with your mother this morning shook me. I didn't like seeing her all beaten up like that." Tara answered as she ran her hands down his chest and around to circle his waist. Jax brought his own hands up to cup her face gently.

"You sure?" He asked and relaxed completely when she smiled up at him and nodded once. Now that they were here, there wasn't any reason they couldn't have a little fun. Jax leaned in and kissed her deeply, passionately. His hands automatically slipped inside her white coat and under her tank. His fingers danced over the permanently slightly raised skin of her crow tattoo before moving up her back caressing her skin gently. He tore his mouth from hers when the need for air became unavoidable.

"God you feel good." He murmured against her skin as his lips went to work on her neck. Jax groaned when he felt her lips on his neck. She had this way of attacking his neck with lips and teeth and tongue that turned him into a puddle of goo, made him putty in her hands. It was so damn good.

"I love your neck." Tara whispered as she continued her assault on his sensitive skin. He was loving it, maybe a little too much considering where they were, but Jax had to stop her. He always had to stop her. If he didn't, she'd leave a mark.

"Baby, you gotta stop that. I can't have a hickey on my neck. The guys would never let me live it down." Jax murmured as he reluctantly pulled away from her lips. She pouted up at him and he couldn't help but smile at her before leaning in to kiss her lips.

"Fine, no neck hickey... but will the guys be looking at your chest?" Tara asked with a wicked smirk as she pulled his samcro t-shirt up to expose his chest. Jax smiled as Tara's lips descended on his chest. She went to work on giving him that hickey, right beside his Abel tattoo. Jax let his head fall back against the wall while she worked her magic on his skin, his hands tangling in her hair. He couldn't help but groan when she sucked particularly hard at one point before he felt her teeth nip at his nipple.

"I love you." Jax whispered as Tara pulled back to smile up at him.

"I love you too." Tara kissed him deeply, her tongue finding his and wrestling for domination, she always gave in though. After a few moments she would completely give herself over to him and his kiss and this time was no different.

"What time are you going to be home tonight?" Jax asked as he nipped at her lips.

"Umm. Not too late. About seven." Tara whispered, her hands slipping under his t-shirt.

"Good. You and me babe, we're finishing this as soon as you get home." Jax's lips trailed a line of kisses down her neck and back up to her ear before taking the lobe into his mouth and nibbling on it.

"Oh god yes." Tara moaned only to groan in protest when he pulled away. Jax smiled down at her, his fingers still tangled in her hair.

"I gotta go, and you have to get back to work. But tonight. Seven." He whispered before kissing her gently again. 5 minutes later he was approaching the guys and his bike with a broad smile on his face.

"Why are you in such a good mood?" Bobby asked from his position leaning against his bike.

"You get a little afternoon delight Jackie boy?" Chibbs called with a laugh.

"Shut the fuck up. We've got a porn king to visit." Jax called as he pulled his helmet on and mounted his bike. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't wipe the smile off his face. Best hospital visit ever!

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><p><strong>Ok. So I've had a few questions. Firstly, the title means "Our Love Story" in Gaelic. Second, Jenna asked me if I had written a chapter about episode 203. Well, the answer to that question is a little long. At any given moment I have a list with approximately 13 story ideas. Every chapter I have written has been on that list at some point. I write a chapter, and I usually add a new idea to the list to replace the one just written. I also ensure that I am always ahead by at least 2 chapters. So at the moment, I have 13 ideas on the list, and have written up to chapter 27. I am going to give you all a little sneak peak into that list. It has episode 203 on it. It also has Tara's belly and the appisode 'Second Son'. <strong>

**If anyone has any questions please don't hesitate to ask me. I love hearing from you all. **

**And on that note, I'm going to go. You know the drill guys, see you in 15 reviews. :D**

**xx Ally**


	25. Second Son

**25.**

**Setting: Second Son Appisode**

**Rating: T**

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><p>"Are you sure you're up for this?" Gemma said glancing at Tara in the passenger seat. She was driving Tara and Thomas to Stockton so Jax could meet his new baby boy.<p>

"I'm fine Gemma, besides, I promised Jax." Tara smiled turning to look at the sleeping baby in the back seat. She'd only given birth 4 days earlier, but she had promised Jax that as soon as she could, she would bring Thomas to meet his Daddy. She wouldn't wait a day longer than necessary. So that was what she was doing.

"Jax will understand honey."

"I know." Tara shrugged. "But I want to. And I promised. Not a day longer than necessary." When he'd gone away, Jax had been most upset about the fact that he would inevitably miss out on so much of his children's lives. Tara had promised him, nearly every week, as her belly got bigger and bigger that she would bring Thomas as soon as she was physically able. And now, she was, and she would come through for him.

When they arrived at Stockton and went through all the check points, Tara's heart started to race. She was surprisingly nervous. Not of Jax's reaction, she knew he already loved Thomas. It was more of a nervous excitement. They'd waited so long for this day, the day they could hold their child together and as Tara handed Thomas to Jax for the first time she was overcome with love for her boys. It was a heartbreakingly beautiful sight to watch Jax hold their son.

"He's beautiful." He whispered looking down at the baby between them. "I love you. So much."

Tara looked from Thomas up to Jax's face to find him already gazing at her. "I love you too." She smiled as she rubbed her hand up and down the length of his arm.

"Thank you. I will never be able to thank you enough, if I live forever, it still won't be enough."

"Thank me for what?" Tara asked as she watched the tears pool in Jax's eyes.

"For staying, for Thomas, for Abel, for everything you're doing now, for just being you. But mostly, for loving me." He whispered as he took one hand off Thomas to cup her cheek gently and brush away the tear that had fallen from her eye.

"Ditto." Tara gasped as she valiantly fought to hold back the sobs that threatened to wrack her body. After a few moments of silence, the couple just staring at the beautiful boy they'd created, Jax's voice broke the quiet.

"How are you? Are you ok? I don't know the details. How was it, the birth?" Jax asked and the worry on his face would have been evident to anyone looking.

"I'm fine baby. Still a little sore and tender, tired, but ok. The birth was long, but your Mom was actually really great. She stayed by my side for the whole 11 hours, and she held my hand. She told me how much she knew you loved me, and that she'd make sure you were there for the next one." As Tara spoke Jax couldn't help but smile at the images she was describing, but his heart ached too. It should have been him holding her hand, telling her he loved her, and that she was strong. That she could do it and it wouldn't be much longer. All the things the father is supposed to say to support the mother. All the things he wished he'd had the opportunity to say.

"I may have cursed you a couple of times." Tara smiled guiltily and Jax couldn't help but laugh. He'd bet that she called him every dirty name she could think of, names that could have made Happy and Tig blush.

"Just a couple?" He asked with a wink and revelled in the blush that snuck up on the apples of her cheeks.

"It was amazing though Jax. The moment I heard him cry, I was gone, I belonged completely to him." Tara whispered, her voice cracking slightly.

"I'll bet babe. I really wish I'd been there." Jax replied leaning his forehead against hers.

"I know. But like you said, you'll be there for the next one."

Jax tried not to let the hope show on his face, or ring in his voice when he spoke. "Promise?"

"Absolutely." Tara smiled as she finally averted her gaze from his and the couple gave their baby boy their full attention. All too soon visiting time was up, and Tara was forced to take Thomas from a more than reluctant Jax.

"It's not enough time. Never enough time." Jax whispered with one last kiss to Thomas's forehead and then one particularly hard kiss to Tara's lips. He kept his eyes on them as he was lead away and back to his cell, determined to keep them in his sight until the last possible moment. It wasn't until Jax disappeared through the double doors that Tara finally broke down. Holding Thomas against her chest she cried the tears she'd been holding in. It seemed like Gemma had materialised out of nothing to take Thomas from her, quickly placing him in his carrier and pulling Tara into her arms.

"It's going to be ok baby; it's all going to be ok." Gemma whispered as she held Tara.

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><p><strong>Well guys, that was the first chapter on the Second Son app. <strong>

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed. I really appreciate the support. :D **

**You know the drill, see you in 15 reviews. Love you all**

**xx Ally**


	26. The Letter

**25.**

**Setting: Season 3, Episode 13 "NS"**

**Rating: T**

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><p>Hi Baby,<p>

If you're reading this the prospects have just left, I'm on my way to prison with the rest of the boys, and everything happened just as we'd hoped. I know that doesn't make sense just yet, but I promise it will in a minute.

I'm fine, so please don't worry. My life has never been in danger from the MC. I wanted to tell you, but if you'd known it would have made you an accessory. You have to know that despite my actions lately to the contrary, I've always put your safety first; I'm always trying to protect you. The club knew about the deal with Stahl, it was a club vote. We had to lead her to believe that I'd turned rat to ensure that we did short time. I hate that I'm leaving you alone when you need me most. I hate that I'm going to miss this pregnancy and I hate that I won't be there to hold your hand when our son is born.

I know we needed time together, to talk and sort through the mess I've made, and I'm sorry that we won't get that time. And there is so much I want to say, so much I want to tell you. But please know that I love you more than anything, you're my life. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry I couldn't see how much I was hurting you by pushing you away. I'm sorry I broke your trust when I... I'm sorry. But most of all, I'm sorry I said that we weren't your family. There is no family without you.

Along with this letter are some papers. If you still want this, want me and Abel and a family, and I'm praying that you do, sign them and take them to Rosen. Use the accounts, take anything you need, it's yours. I promise you that I will be home in 14 months. I won't do anything to screw up my chances for parole, my only focus from here on out, is getting out so I can be with you and our boys. It's always been you and me against the world babe, and I'm sorry that I forgot that.

I want to remind you of something, something that I failed to show you lately.  
>You are my best friend, the love of my life, mother of my children. I have loved you since I was 16. Only you. You're it for me babe, you're my world. I'm coming home to you, and our children, I promise.<p>

I love you baby,

Jax.

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><p><strong>I bet you thought this chapter would be another Second Son one. I can't be that predictable people. lol. <strong>

**For those wondering what the papers were... look out for the extended chapter.**

**Thank you so much to everyone who's following. I really appreciate it. **

**You know the drill guys, see you in 15 reviews. **

**xx Ally**


	27. 2 Months Later

**27.**

**Setting: Post Season 3, Approximately 2 months later.**

**Rating: T**

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><p>Tara heard Abel giggling the minute she walked in the house. She was beyond exhausted after working an 8 hour shift that had turned into 9 ½ hours, with swollen feet and a now clearly visible baby bump. But hearing Abel's voice gave her a second wind. Dumping her bag she walked quickly into the living room. Abel was sitting on the floor playing ball with Neeta. Tara smiled as soon as she laid eyes on her beautiful boy. Abel looked up and gave Tara a mega watt smile when he saw her leaning against the pillar.<p>

"Hello baby boy." Tara called as she moved over to the sofa. Getting up and down off the floor wasn't so easy now that she was 4 ½ months pregnant, so she stuck with sitting on the sofa and smiling down at Abel.

"Momma!" He called and the room stilled. Up until this point the closest sound to a word Abel made was Da. It was his first full word and it was Momma. Tears filled Tara's eyes as she gazed at the baby in shock. Nothing had ever sounded as good as his beautiful little voice saying Momma. Nothing. Neeta's clapping drew Tara from her state of shock. Tara moved off the sofa quickly to sit on the floor and gathered Abel in to her arms.

"Oh baby. Say it again. Say it again honey." Tara smiled at Abel who wrapped his arms around her neck.

"Momma. Momma." He called happily as he buried his face in her neck and held on tight.

"Oh my brilliant, smart, perfect boy." Tara laughed as she cried happy tears and held onto her little man. She was gently rocking him back and forth in her arms when a flash suddenly went off in the room. Tara looked over to Neeta who held the camera in her hand. Tara had kept a digital camera handy ever since Jax went away 2 months earlier. He'd be gone for another year and in that time he would miss so much. Tara had vowed that she would document every moment she could, that camera had become almost permanently attached to her hand ever since.

"That's a moment that needs to be captured." Neeta smiled and Tara couldn't stop smiling. When Abel had been kidnapped she'd feared she would never see him again, never hold him, that he was lost forever. When things went south between her and Jax she was sure of it. She thought that there was no way Jax would let her see Abel even if he managed to get him back. And when he told her right before her ultrasound after being saved from the clutches of that bastard Salazar, Abel was safe with Gemma; she feared that Abel wouldn't remember her. Hearing him call her Momma now was like a dream. If Neeta hadn't been there to bear witness, Tara would have suspected her mind had played tricks on her. Her beautiful baby boy was finally talking, and his first full word was Momma. She couldn't wait to tell Jax.

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><p><strong>Hi guys, <strong>

**So that's the big moment. :D Hope you all liked it. Thank you to everyone who reviewed. Obviously I can only reply individually to signed reviews. But I want everyone who reviews to know how much I appreciate it and I love you all. It's so nice to hear such wonderful things and know that people are enjoying my work. :D **

**Ok guys, so you know the drill, I'll update once we hit 15. Let's see if that ends up being before the premiere on tuesday. :D **

**Love you all, see you in 15 reviews. :D**

**xx Ally**


	28. 3 Months Later

**28.**

**Setting: Post Season 3, Approximately 3 months later.**

**Rating: T**

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><p>Jax sat at the table in the visitor's room of Stockton prison watching as his best friend walked towards him. He tried not to look disappointed to see his old friend, he knew Tara couldn't make it today and would instead be bringing Abel next week. But he still wished it was Tara walking through that door.<p>

"Hey man." Opie said as he sat down across from Jax.

"Hey. What's happening bro?" Jax asked as he slapped hands with Opie.

"Not much man. Everything's good. Tara sent me with photos and she wanted me to tell you again how sorry she is she couldn't come today." Opie smiled as he rolled his eyes. She misses one visit in 3 months and Tara's acting like she committed some horrible atrocity.

"How's she doing man? Honestly?" Jax asked imploringly. Tara would always tell him she was great, that everything was fine, not to worry. But he wanted the truth.

"She's good. She's doing real good man. It's so cool, to see her belly getting bigger and bigger. She tell you the baby kicked for the first time the other day?" Opie asked with a big smile on his face. He would never admit it, but the ten years Tara was gone, he'd missed her terribly. She was his friend too, and although he knew the only reason she hadn't stayed in contact with him was so he wouldn't feel like he was betraying Jax or that he had to choose, it hurt that he lost one of his best friends too. Seeing her now, happy and content, and pregnant, made his heart soar. His best friends deserved this happiness; the only thing that would make it better was if Jax was home.

"Yeah. Wish I'd been there for it."

Seeing the sadness on Jax's face hit Opie right in the chest. He knew this pain, knew it all too well. "I know. You will be for the next one though."

"Yeah. How's Abel?" Jax asked trying to get his mind off dark thoughts.

"Good. Tara told me to tell you that all his latest tests came back perfect. He's perfect."

Jax's face lit up at the news. He and Tara had always been quietly concerned that all the hell he'd been through in his short life would take its toll on his tiny body. Every doctor's visit that proved them wrong, even if only for the moment, was greeted with great relief. "That's so good man. Thanks."

"Listen, there is one thing I should tell you. The prospects re-decorated the apartment." Opie's eyes scanned the room, looking anywhere but at Jax.

"What? Why?" The confusion on Jax's face was mirrored in his voice.

"Well we had to get new furniture, and then Gemma said that the paint didn't match the new furniture, so she had the boys repainting. It looks good though." Opie spoke quickly hoping that his words would be accepted without question. He would have no such luck

"Hold up. You had to get new furniture? Why?"

"Cause I torched your bed." The completely casually way he spoke the words, like it was the most normal thing in the world, only served to annoy Jax, not placate him like he was sure his lifelong friend intended.

"What the hell man?" Jax whisper shouted, conscious of the guards in the room.

"It had to be done man." Opie shrugged and leaned back in his chair.

"You torched it? Set it on fire?"

"Yep. Dragged it out to the lot, poured gas on it and set it alight." Opie used his hands to illustrate the scene. He actually had the prospects drag it outside, and then he soaked it in gas and a little booze and with what was probably a slightly over dramatic flick of his wrist, he set the sucker on fire.

"Why the fuck did you do that?" Jax's voice rose and he quickly scanned the room to make sure the guards hadn't picked up on it. The closest one, Evans, was glaring at him, but he seemed to be in the clear.

"Cause you were a dick. Tara wouldn't step foot in the room." Opie answered gruffly, going on the defensive.

"Fuck." Jax ripped the beanie off his head and ran his hands over his head, not for the first time, he wished he had his long hair to tug his fingers through; it always proved to be surprisingly cathartic. He'd screwed up so bad. He couldn't understand now how on earth he had ever thought that pushing Tara away would be a good idea. He knew now that he should have been comforting her, allowing her to comfort him and being there for each other during the hardest time in their lives. He'd been horrible to her, he'd betrayed her, and now she wouldn't even step foot in a room that had once held wonderful, happy memories for them. Man he'd fucked up bad.

"Yeah, fuck. Whenever she was tired and needed to lie down, and the few times she and Abel spent the night at the club, she slept in my room. Wouldn't go anywhere near yours. Then I found out from the Old man that she's been using my room since we left for Belfast."

Jax knew about the times Tara had taken Abel and left the house in favour of spending the night at the club. She'd said she felt safer, less lonely, knowing that there were people there. People that would never let anything happen to her and Abel. It was a safe place, had always been, to both of them. And he'd fucked that up.

"Shit." What else was there to say? He'd fucked up. He'd fucked up worse than he ever thought he'd be capable of. Damn it, she'd stood in that door way pregnant with his kid, and saw that slut in his shirt while her clothes lay strewn on the floor. There was no making up for that. Jax didn't know how or why she'd ever forgiven him; ever let him touch her again. She was amazing, she deserved better than him, of that he was sure. But now he knew that walking away, pushing her away, because she deserved better was cowardly and unfair. Now he knew what he had to do. Knew that he had to be better. That he had to be a man worthy of her. No matter what.

"Yeah. So I waited until I knew she was coming over and then I dragged it outside. The fucker was flaming when she pulled in. Look on her face alone was worth it." Opie smiled as he remembered the smile that crept its way onto Tara's face. Tara had always been a beautiful girl, but when she smiled, she lit up everything around her. That day, she could have powered all of Charming with that smile alone.

"Made her happy?" Jax asked, if it had, if it had put a smile on her face, than she could torch his bed every week for the rest of their lives. Torch anything she wanted. He'd get all new clothes. Hell, he'd clear out the clubhouse and let her set fire to the building. They could always rebuild, and if it meant that Tara felt happier, more secure, he'd do it a thousand times.

"I don't know if happy is the word, but I think it made her feel a bit better." Opie's smile dropped as he nodded his head but the triumphant look he'd had in his eyes ever since he told Jax remained.

"Good. That's all that matters. Did it work? She go in there now?" Jax asked hopefully and found himself holding his breath waiting for Opie's answer.

"Yeah. It looks different now so she'll at least walk in there. It's a start."

Jax heard what Opie wasn't saying. Tara would walk in there. She wouldn't stay, she wouldn't sleep there. She still saw it every time she was there, and a new paint job and some replacement furniture couldn't erase that morning.

"Yeah." He said softly, dejectedly. Jax didn't know what he was going to do to try and make this right, but he'd have to do something. Of that he was sure.

"Listen, she's good, ok? She's doing real good. She's a great Mom, she's working at the hospital and she's helping to look after TM. She's even looking after your Mom. She's amazing. Don't worry about the apartment thing. If it comes to it, we'll just switch. But you can't blame her for not wanting to be in there." Opie held a lot of guilt about that morning. He'd tried to stop her walking in to the apartment, not because he was trying to cover Jax's ass, he knew Jax wanted her to walk in there. No he tried to stop her because he didn't want Tara hurt. He wanted to spare her that pain and he wished he'd tried harder. The look on her face, in her eyes that day had been unlike anything he'd ever seen. Over the years Opie had seen Tara hurt, angry, jealous, sad, happy and every other emotion you could imagine, but he'd never seen her so... broken. Her heart was shattered.

When he'd realised that Tara had been pregnant that day, the guilt had been palpable. He should have protected her from that. But above all else, he should have stopped Jax that night. Pulled him aside and smacked him upside the head until he started thinking clearly. Then Belfast happened and he'd only felt worse. He'd told Lyla about it, the guilt he felt, she'd told him he was being ridiculous and that it wasn't his fault. Then she'd ratted him out to Tara, who had told him the same thing. And maybe he held no blame, and had nothing to feel guilty about, but that didn't erase it. And Tara didn't know about Belfast.

"I don't. I just wish I could take it back." Jax whispered and Opie felt the last sliver of anger he'd held towards his best friend over that night drift away. Jax was hurting, his guilt was insurmountable. Being in the slam, away from Tara and Abel, missing out on so much, maybe this was his penance.

"Yeah I'll bet. Just be thankful it didn't work." Jax was thankful, so god damn thankful. He didn't know what he would do if he ever really lost her. Watching her walk out of his house that day had almost destroyed him, and at the time he'd truly believed he was doing the right thing. He couldn't watch her walk away again. He wouldn't.

"I am. Now where the hell are those photos?"

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><p><strong>Anyone else love Opie having Tara's back? I love when he's all protective and sweet with her. :D<strong>

**So we got an update before the season Premiere. Well done guys. :D I wanted to let you all know that i'll be continuing through season 4. There's no end in sight yet guys. :D **

**Ok guys, you know the drill. Update in 15 reviews. **

**See you then, **

**xx Ally**


	29. PreShow Era

**29.**

**Setting: Pre Series Era, High school.**

**Rating: T**

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><p>The whole school knew who he was. He was Jackson Teller, Prince of Charming, and he knew it. He strutted around the corridors like he owned them, and truth be known, he did. All the boys seemed to want to be him, and the girls lined up to be with him. He was cocky, tough and so beautiful it almost hurt to look at him. And as true as all those things were about him, there was a side of Jax Teller that the rest of the world didn't get to see. Only Tara Knowles knew the real Jackson Teller.<p>

Tara knew the boy with the broken heart. Who had experienced more loss than most adults. Who'd had to watch as his baby brother clung to life, just to lose his fight. Jax, who had to come home from school to the news that his father was never coming home. Jax who cried on her shoulder as they sat together under the biggest tree in Charming and away from the prying eyes of the whole town. Jax who pushed a boy in the playground who pulled her hair when they were 6. Jax who always looked out for, protected her. He was her best friend. And she was completely in love with him.

Tara was certain he didn't, couldn't, wouldn't ever feel the same way about her. That she was alone in this impossible love story. Jackson Teller could have any girl he wanted, what would he want with her? At least that's what she'd always thought. Right up until a few moments ago. They were sitting in their spot, under their tree in silence. They never needed to talk; they could just be together in comfortable silence, soaking up the comfort of being with the only person in the world who truly knew you. Tara had sighed and dropped her head to rest on Jax's shoulder. He'd reached for her hand and entwined their fingers together. When he spoke her name she raised her head to look at him. Before she could make eye contact with him, Jax's hands were cupping her face and his lips covered hers.

Tara was too deep in shock to respond to his gentle caress and could only surrender to his kiss. With a gentle nip on her bottom lip Jax broke the kiss and leant his forehead against hers. And that's how she found herself, eyes still closed, wondering how on earth she was sitting her in Jackson Teller's arms after being thoroughly kissed.

"Jax?" She whispered refusing to open her eyes lest it all be a dream.

"Tara. Tell me you want this. Please." He whispered back as his fingers found their way into her hair. She was only 16, and she knew that logically she was too young to know what she was feeling or if it was real. But Tara knew without a doubt that she was madly in love with Jackson Teller and she wanted everything with him.

"I want this. But... I won't share you Jax." Tara dared to open her eyes, and when she did she looked at the strikingly beautiful smiling face of the boy she loved more than reason.

"Only you babe. Only ever you." Jax whispered before his lips pressed firmly against hers once again.

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><p><strong>Hi everyone, <strong>

**Hope you all saw the premiere the other night. It was amazing. And yes, it gave me a whole heap of ideas. :D I don't know when I'll be updating with a S4 chapter, but there will be S4 content to come. Which leads me to a question, how do you all feel about sex scenes? Would you like to read one? Or should I stick to the tamer stuff? Review and let me know. :D**

**Ok, so you know the drill. I'll see you again in 15 reviews. :D **

**Oh, and thank you to those who put this fic and myself on their favourites list in the last couple of days. I appreciate it. :D **

**xx Ally**


	30. Pre Second Son

**30.**

**Setting: Pre Second Son Appisode**

**Rating: T**

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><p>The alarm sounded to awaken the thousands of guests of the California Department of Corrections at Stockton, but unlike all the other prisoners, Jackson Teller woke with a smile. Today this place would not get him down; today this place would not defeat him. Today, nothing would touch him.<p>

He rose with his fellow inmates, he stood in line for his breakfast and he sat with his brothers to eat. After breakfast they headed out to the yard as one. None of the Sons were left alone inside. They accompanied each other whenever possible. After Jax had been shanked weeks earlier, the need to stick together became ever more prominent. But today, all of that seemed miles away.

"What's got you so happy?" Clay's rumbling voice spoke as they took seats around a free table, bathed in the warm Californian sun.

"Huh?" Jax grunted. His mind was not on their surroundings, or the people in his company, it was miles away, with his family.

"You've been smiling like a fool all morning." Tig spoke as he dropped down on the bench beside Clay. Jax looked up to see that the eyes of his brothers were all focused on him, and he realised that what they said was true, he had a large smile plastered across his face.

"I've got a visitor coming today." Jax said by way of explanation.

"Ah! Wouldn't be the lovely Doctor Knowles by any chance?" Bobby asked with a smile. He looked quite the picture with his long hair back in a pony tail and his belly barely covered by his over stretched standard issue white t-shirt. It had taken some getting used to.

"Yeah, and she's bringing my son." The smug, self satisfied smirk on Jax's face was huge, and probably wouldn't be leaving his face all day.

"Thomas?" Clay asked from beside him and Jax merely nodded once. The guys had heard all about baby Thomas from Jax. Opie had called the minute Tara went in to labour, and when Tara had managed to call him once Thomas was born, sounding tired but happy he wasn't ashamed to admit he'd cried as she told him how beautiful their baby boy was. God he wished he'd been there. That was four days ago, and he hadn't stopped talking about them since.

"Oh wow Man, that's great." Tig spoke as every one of the guys gave him a congratulatory slap on the back, Clay even took him into his arms for a strong embrace.

"I'm so sorry you missed it son." Clay whispered as he hugged Jax, who could only nod against his step father's shoulder as he returned his hug.

It killed Jax that he'd missed it. He'd wanted kids with Tara since they were kids. Had even imagined it a few times. But never once did that scenario involve him being locked in the slam while Tara gave birth to their kid alone. No, in those scenarios he was always beside her, holding her hand and telling her all the things a loving, supportive husband is supposed to tell their wife when they're giving birth. He was there for every doctor's appointment. He was there to feel the first kick, to find out the sex, to paint the nursery and put together the crib. He was supposed to be there for everything, for every moment. Him and Tara, it was always meant to be them together. Not like this, never like this. And as much as he tried to tell himself that he would be there for the next one, cause god damn it there would be another one and another one after that if he could talk Tara into it, it didn't ease the guilt he felt or the pain.

Jax had guilt in his heart like few people in the world. The things he'd done, he'd seen, he hadn't prevented, they weighed him down until sometimes he feared he wouldn't be able to stand from the brunt of it all. But nothing hurt him as much; nothing caused him more guilt, than the pain he'd caused Tara. In the days that Abel had been kidnapped he'd become a version of himself he never knew existed or ever could. That Jax was capable of causing so much pain to those around him, was capable of torturing a man, was capable of breaking the heart of the love of his life. That man disgusted him. That man and the man who missed the birth of his child, were the things he'd feel the most guilt over for the rest of his life.

But today wasn't a day for overwhelming guilt, or pain, or feeling sorry for himself. Today Jax would hold his son, Thomas Teller, in his arms for the first time. He'd kiss Tara, the mother of his children, and hold them both close. He wouldn't let them go until they made him. And the feel of them in his arms just might be enough to get him through another week in this hell hole, til he could hold them again.

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><p><strong>Wow guys, you all reviewed quickly. And I got way over the target, that's amazing. You've all made me so happy. Thank you so much. <strong>

**Ok, so since this is chapter 30 and you all are amazing, I'm setting the bar a little higher this time. 18 reviews. We can do it guys, you're hitting that and over all the time. So I will update after 18 reviews. **

**Oh, and the sex scene poll I conducted on the last chapter. The Yays have it. There was only one vote no, so all of you who voted yes won. :D**

**Thank you all so much, I love you all. **

**xx Ally**


	31. Fix

**31.**

**Setting: Season 2 Episode 3 "Fix"**

**Rating: T**

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><p>"So are SAMCRO... partners with LuAnn?" Tara asked as she lay against Jax's naked chest in bed. It had been a crazy day to say the least, it was the day that seemed to never end. When they finally left the clubhouse for home, Tara had wanted to just fall in to bed and sleep for a year. Of course, that had been the plan until Jax's body covered hers and all thoughts of sleep had vanished. They'd made love slow and long and deep. Now curled up together in post coital bliss Jax was telling her about his day and how it had lead to SAMCRO making a deal with LuAnn for a stake in CaraCara.<p>

"Yeah. We provide security and some funding and in return get a share of the profits." Jax answered before placing a kiss on her forehead.

"Why porn?"

"Cause its legal. Cause Otto asked me to take care of LuAnn and this asshole competition of hers was trying to push her out. The money she gave the club a few months ago sent the company broke. This way she stays in business and SAMCRO has an honest, straight income. It's not perfect, but it's a start."

Tara was silent for a few moments. Her fingers drawing indiscriminate patterns on his skin. Her silence was killing him. He knew her mind was working overtime and he would have given anything right then for the ability to read it.

"What are you thinking?" He asked when he couldn't stand it any longer.

"I don't like it." She whispered and he looked down at her. She moved her head so she could look up at his face.

"What don't you like?" Jax asked as he pulled her closer, his hand running up and down the length of her back.

"I don't like that you're going to be around those girls." Tara whispered as she turned her face into his chest and placed a kiss over his steadily beating heart.

"Babe. You don't have anything to worry about." Jax made a conscious effort not to smile. He loved when Tara would get jealous in high school.

"Don't I?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" The urge to smile immediately disappeared.

"Have you looked in a mirror lately? You're gorgeous. And you're the VP of SAMCRO. Those girls are going to be falling all over themselves trying to get into your bed."

"You're in my bed." Jax whispered against her forehead as he pulled her tighter against his chest.

"You think that's going to stop them?"

Jax nudged Tara until she shifted to look up at him. "It doesn't matter. I only want you, I've only ever wanted you. I missed you for 10 years babe. Why would I take another woman to bed, when I've got the only one I want?" Jax answered looking into her eyes.

"Variety?" She asked with a raised eyebrow. She was grasping at straws to come up with an answer to the beautiful truth he spoke, and they both knew it.

"Oh come on. That's bullshit babe. I promise you, you're it for me. You do trust me don't you?" Jax asked with worry in his eyes. There were a lot of things he couldn't promise her in their lives, but he could promise her that he would never want another woman. Of that he was certain.

"Of course, it's them I don't trust." Worry was present in Tara's eyes too. Worry and fear. She trusted Jax, he could see that, but she was frightened of the people in their world who could take him from her, one way or another.

"It's just business and it's going to stay business. I promise." Jax answered looking deep in her eyes so she could see the truth in his.

"Ok. But I still don't like it." Tara shifted back into his arms, her head resting against his shoulder once more.

"I know. But it's the first step in making SAMCRO legit. I got to take it." Jax's hand ran up and down the length of her arm as the other held her tight against him. He wasn't ever letting her go, not for anything or anyone in the world.

"I know."

"Are you going to be ok with this?" He asked afraid of the answer. He'd pushed for this with the club, but if Tara asked him to get away from it, he would. Consequences be damned.

"I guess so." Tara sighed and Jax closed his eyes at the sound that tugged at his heart.

"Hey, look at me." When Tara raised her eyes to his Jax cupped her face in his hands. "I love you. So much."

"I love you too."

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><p><strong>Sadly I have to address something that I cannot let lie. I received a very scathing anonymous 'review' that I have now removed. This person launched a lengthy personal attack on me. I will not go in to all the horrible, angry and cruel things this person said. I will not give them the satisfaction. I will only say this: I love each and every one of my readers. I am thankful for the support you have given me and I happily &amp; humbly accept any and all comments about this fic. I will not however stand for personal attacks. It's cowardly and disgusting. I would prefer if anyone felt that way that they just didn't read anything I wrote, in fact I insist. <strong>

**It saddens me that I've had to bring this in here, that I've had to acknowledge such hatefulness at all, and I'm sorry to subject you all to it as well. **

**So until next time, may I never have to deal with hateful people again. Life is too short for such negativity especially in a world such as this one, that is supposed to bring a little joy both to those who read and those who write. To this person, I hope you're happy that you stole a little of mine. **

**To my loyal readers, I love and appreciate you all, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your support...**


	32. Bainne

**32.**

**Setting: Season 3 Episode 11**

**Rating: T**

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><p>Jax Teller stood alone on the cold, damp streets of Belfast with his son in his arms watching the black car that delivered his baby to him fade into the darkness of the night.<p>

"I'll never let anyone take you from me again. I love you."

As he rested his forehead against Abel's, trying to be as close to him as possible after having been denied the ability to hold his own son for far too long, Jax sighed, his mind flashing to the one person who's image he could never banish. Tara.

She was pregnant. Pregnant with their child and for the last two weeks he'd treated her horribly. The guilt he felt was overwhelming. It was bad enough that he'd treated the love of his life like she meant nothing, to find out that she was pregnant with their child the whole time was shattering. He had believed all along that he was doing the right thing, pushing her away for her own good, she deserved better. Now he was certain that she deserved better, but he wasn't willing to let her go. He had his son back in his arms, but Tara should have been there too. She should be wrapped in his arms right now, so he could hold the two most precious things in his world.

Jax may never forgive himself for what he'd done, what he'd almost done only days earlier, but he hoped to god that Tara could. He couldn't and wouldn't live without her. She was everything and he only wished he could have seen through the haze of grief to her, to her pain and suffering. He would make this right. He had to.

Looking into Abel's beautiful blue eyes, the only thing he wanted was to hear her voice while he held Abel in his arms.

"You gotta help me out little man. I screwed up bad with your Momma, and I don't know how to fix it. When we get home, you got help me fix it." Jax whispered before pulling out his cell. He stared at the display. She deserved to know that he'd found Abel, he wanted her to know that he'd found their son and he was safe. He started to dial the house before clearing the number. She wouldn't be there. She'd packed her bags and she'd left. A physical pain in his chest ached as he thought of her face that day and the hurt and betrayal written all over it. He'd done that, he'd put that look in her eyes, he'd caused her that pain. Jax considered calling her cell but knew she wouldn't answer it when she saw the number on the screen, so he dialled the only other number possible.

When her voice answered the ache in his chest disappeared for only a second, but long enough to feel the full weight of it when it returned. She was staying at her father's, her voice on the answering machine proved it. When the beep rang in his ear he sighed. He wasn't sure what he was going to say, but he had to start talking.

"Hey, it's me. I don't know if you're there and you just don't want to pick up, and that's ok. I just wanted to tell you, I've got him babe. I'm holding Abel in my arms right now. He's fine, he's perfect..." Jax smiled for a moment as he looked at his son as he snoozed on his shoulder before sighing deeply into the phone.

"I'm sorry Tara. I'm sorry for everything I've done... I really wish you were here right now. And I know that's my doing, I know that I'm the reason you're not, but I guess I wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you. That... that I... I'm coming home, I'm bringing Abel home. To you. I miss you. Please don't delete this. I'm so sorry baby. I love you."

Tara slid down the wall of her father's living room as the answering machine beeped signalling the end of the message. Jax had been in prison for two days. Abel was home safe and sound. They'd talked and fought and she'd never known about this message. Hadn't been back here since before Salazar kidnapped her. Hearing his voice on the line. Knowing what she knew now. It broke her heart all over again.

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><p><strong>I want to thank everyone for their support. I've replied to all the signed reviews, but those who I couldn't respond to individually and again to those I could; Thank you so much for always showing me so much love and support. I can never thank you enough or express just how much it means to me. <strong>

**A few days ago I was crying over the hatred that one vicious person was capable of, since I posted chapter 31, I've been overwhelmed by the love and support that many are capable of. It's been a trying couple of days, but you all pulled me through, and I will always be grateful to you. So, this chapter is dedicated to you all, for your unwavering love and support of me and this fic. Thank you. **

**xx Ally**


	33. Prison 10

**33.**

**Setting: Prison, 10 months in to sentence.**

**Rating: T**

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><p><em>Hi baby,<em>

_Your sons are a handful but they get more and more beautiful every day. Abel has been saying no to everything. It's his favourite word at the moment. Hearing him scream it at the top of his lungs waking up Thomas can be trying. But then he looks up at me, with his bottom lip wobbling and he says 'Sowwy Momma' and my heart melts. He looks so much like you Jax. He has your expressions, your eyes, and your hair. Sometimes I feel like I'm looking at you. I miss you so much baby._

_Thomas had his check up with the cardiologist. There's nothing there baby. His heart is perfect and healthy, he's perfect. Your mother came with us, she cried when Dr Clarke told us. I've got to admit Jax, I did too. I know you wanted to be there, but it's ok. Please don't feel bad._

_Abel drew you a picture, he said you have to put it on your wall. I've also been ordered by our son to tell you he loves you, and when you come home he wants to play cars with you. He's very adamant about this. Just so you know, the game of cars includes but is not limited to, the destruction of said cars. He can play a little rough. But the most adorable thing I've ever seen is his face when he breaks something. He comes up to me, with this little pout and he looks so remorseful. He holds the car out to me and he says 'Please fix Momma, didn't mean to hurt it'. He's such a good boy._

_And Thomas is looking more and more like you every day. He's my dark haired little Jax and he's got the most amazing disposition. His personality, everything, he's amazing. He lights up when Abel or I enter the room, the smile on his face so bright he could light the whole house. He's so quiet, so happy, he's such a joy and he gets this look on his face that's all you. It always makes me laugh._

_We're all coming to see you on Saturday, the boys and I are a looking forward to being able to see you, touch you, talk to you. We love you so much baby._

_Only 4 more months and I'm counting the days. 4 months, 6 days and 12 hours until I get to hold you in my arms, kiss you, love you._

_I love you so much baby. See you Saturday._

_Xx Tara_

Jax read the letter for the fifth time before finally placing it delicately on the bed beside him. He pulled the other items out of the envelope and smiled when he saw the drawing that Abel made for him, and just as requested, he stuck it on the wall. When he sat back down on the bed to check out the rest of the thick envelope his heart stopped and he had to bite his fist to stop himself from crying like a baby. The first photo was of Tara, Abel and Thomas. She was lying in their bed, her back against the headboard. Thomas was on her shoulder, Abel tucked into her side, his head resting against her breast and both boys were fast asleep. Tara's eyes were closed but the soft smile on her face proved she was awake. She had one arm around Abel, the other supporting Thomas's tiny body. Abel's hand was loosely holding onto to Thomas's foot. It was beautiful. Breathtaking. And it made his heart ache. He missed them so much.

4 months, 5 days and 2 hours couldn't come soon enough.

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><p><strong>Hi guys, <strong>

**So, it's funny, but I've had people asking me why I haven't put my little note on the bottom about reviews etc. I used to put that on the bottom not to make you guys review, but to give you a timeline update wise. It usually takes you guys a couple of days to reach a certain number. If I need more time, I'd up that number. Of course, it didn't always work that way. One time I updated, went to bed, and woke up to 24 reviews after saying I'd update in 18. Well, regardless of the fact that it had only been about 12 hours between posts, I updated anyway. A promise is a promise. I left it off after that person (who I shall never talk about again after this) said they didn't like it. I would never want to upset, anger or offend any of you. I love you all. So I removed it in case any or all of you felt the same way as Anon. **

**So to read from you guys that you missed it and you wondered where it was, I gotta admit, I laughed my ass off. :D Which leads me to ask you all what you think of it.**

**Let me know. :D **

**xx Ally**


	34. Stockton Pre Exit

**34.**

**Setting: Pre Season 4, Episode 1**

**Rating: T**

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><p>"How does this work?" Tara asked as she sat beside Jax in the visitor's room at Stockton. Jax smiled up at her, Abel was sitting on one knee, Thomas on the other. This was their last visit. Jax was coming home.<p>

"What babe?" Jax asked, during their visits the smile never left his face, and today it was especially big.

"Tuesday, when you guys get out, what happens?" Tara asked as she took the tiny little hand that Thomas held out for her with a smile, his fingers wrapping around her finger and holding on tight.

"Oh right, the guys will bring the bikes here and we'll ride home." Jax's bright smile was contagious and Tara smiled right back at him. 14 long months were finally almost over. In three days, daddy was coming home.

"Where should I be? The boys and I?"

"The clubhouse. We'll have to stop there first. Clay will want to have church." The smile on Jax's face faltered for a moment and Tara quickly reached up to cup his cheek. She knew he wanted to spend the whole day with her and the boys with no club business and no outside bullshit. "Do you have to work?" Jax asked, worry lines appearing on his forehead. It had never occurred to him before now that being a Tuesday she might have to be at the hospital.

Tara shook her head gently as she ran her hand over Abel's hair. "In the morning for a couple of hours. I'll be done before you get home."

Jax breathed a sigh of relief, he didn't want to wait a second longer then he absolutely had to. He needed to have her in his arms, needed to feel her lips on his, her body surrounding him as they made love. As it was bad enough he'd have to wait until Clay 'dismissed' him for a couple of hours. That time was too long, he wouldn't wait any longer. Jax had missed her for 14 months, thought of nothing but her and the boys. He was ready to burst.

"I love you so much." He whispered before leaning forward to kiss her lips gently. He only had to wait 3 more days before he could kiss her properly, pull her against his chest and strip them both naked. To slip inside her and lose himself in the wonder that was her. Only three more days until he was truly home.

"I love you too." Tara whispered back and Jax glanced at her left hand. 3 more days and he'd put a ring on that finger, his ring.

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><p><strong>Thank you so much to everyone for reading, reviewing and supporting this fic. I love hearing from you all. Your comments, thoughts, theories and suggestions make my day. :D And after posing my little question to you all last chapter, there was an overwhelming consensus in one direction. So that said...<strong>

**See you in 15. ;)**

**xx Ally**


	35. Love Me

**35.**

**Setting: Season 4, Episode 1**

**Rating: M**

**WARNING: ADULT CONTENT. In honour of reaching 35 chapters & 500+ reviews. :D**

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><p>"Love Me" Tara whispered before they fell onto the bed kissing frantically, passionately. They couldn't get close enough, couldn't touch enough of the other person, couldn't get enough. It had been too long. Jax tore his lips from Tara's to trail a fiery path down her neck. His kisses scattered around her neck line before dropping to the swell of her breasts.<p>

"This has to go." Jax growled when the lace of her bustier obstructed his path. Tara's body stiffened noticeably and Jax raised his head from her breast to look up at her. "Babe? What's wrong?"

"Can we leave it on?"

"Why?" Jax asked confused and saw the unsure look on Tara's face, her eyes wouldn't meet his and he started to panic. "Babe?"

"I look different Jax."

"Oh baby." Jax moved up to hover over her body, looking straight down into her face. Resting on one elbow, he cupped her face with the other hand. "I know your body has changed. You had my baby. But that just makes you sexier, makes me want you more. Something I thought wasn't possible." Jax smiled as he dragged his hand from her cheek, down her neck, over the swell of her breast and down her stomach to the hem of the bustier. Slowly, with his eyes locked on hers, he dragged the lace up her stomach and watched the uncertainty in her eyes with a heavy heart. When her stomach was completely exposed Jax finally looked down. He didn't know what she had been worried about. Nothing had changed, if there was a difference it was slight.

Jax smiled as he raised his eyes to hers. He knew she was feeling insecure, but he couldn't help thinking it was a bit ridiculous. The smile dropped from his face when he saw just how insecure she was, the look in her eyes breaking his heart.

"Oh babe. You are so beautiful. Nothing's changed. There's no difference."

"You don't see it?"

"No. You know what I see? I see the most beautiful woman in the world. I see the woman who drives me insane cause I want her so much, and all the time. I see the woman who can still make me feel as nervous as a 16 year old, all the while making me feel so loved. I see _you_."

"I love you."

"I love you." And just like that, the urgency of moments earlier returned in a heartbeat. His lips couldn't find hers fast enough. His hands pulled at the bustier, lifting it over her head quickly. The brief moment their lips parted was physically painful. With her breasts exposed, Jax continued the trail he'd started earlier. His mouth found her nipple and enclosed it, teeth pulling gently, careful not to cause any pain to her sensitive flesh. The moan that erupted from deep in her belly made him smirk as he switched to lave his tongue over her left nipple.

"Jax." Tara moaned as her hands rose to run over his newly shaved head. To show her just how ok he was with her ever so slightly softer stomach Jax's mouth left her breast and trailed down her stomach. He lay open mouth kisses all over the flesh that had been home to their beautiful baby boy. As he swirled his tongue in her belly button Jax was overcome with love for this woman. This beautiful woman who gave him the world when she gave him her heart.

"Jax. It's been too long. No more foreplay." Tara panted above him and the tightly coiled rubber band of his self control snapped. Jax shot up the length of her body to take her mouth in a deep, bruising kiss. His hands took hold of the elastic of her panties at the hip and with one good tug he broke each side and the material fell away. He reached between them and removed it, carelessly tossing the scraps of material over his shoulder to fall where it may.

Tara raised her legs to wrap around Jax's waist as he aligned his body with hers. He could feel how much she wanted him, how wet she was. He pushed gently and entered her body unable to stop the groan that tore from his lips as he dropped his head on her shoulder. She felt so good.

"Do I feel the same?" Tara panted when his hips made contact with hers as he sheathed himself fully within her.

"Better." It was the truth; she did feel better than he could ever remember. "You feel so good babe." Jax whispered before kissing her deeply, their tongues duelling for control in a familiar battle, one that she always let him win.

"Jax. I need you, move in me, please... baby." Tara tore her lips from his and squeezed his hips with her legs. She needed him to move now. Jax pulled his hips back slowly before plunging back inside her. Jax and Tara both groaned into each other's mouths, as he reached down to take Tara's hand that rested on his lower back and laced their fingers together. Pulling their joined hands up over her head, Jax reared up so he could look at her face. With his eyes locked on hers Jax started to move in a deep, slow, delicious rhythm that had Tara's back arching and her mouth dropping open.

"Missed you. Missed us." Jax grunted as he gradually picked up the pace. He didn't want to go fast, didn't want this to be quick, but after 14 months without her, this was going to be over before they even really got started.

"Missed you too. Oh god." Tara groaned and stole his view of her dilated eyes as her lids slipped shut.

"Not going to last babe. You feel too good." Jax gasped as he shifted causing Tara to moan at the new angle.

"Me too. Almost there. Love you so much." Tara's hand squeezed his tightly, her hips rising to meet his thrusts. She looked so beautiful beneath him, eyes closed, mouth slightly opened and a fine sheen of sweat breaking out on her flawless, milky white skin.

"Oh god. I love you. I love you Tara. My girl. You're mine." Jax dropped his head to her neck and latched on, sucking and kissing, laving the skin with his tongue.

"Am I? Tell me." At Tara's words, Jax raised his head and saw her now open eyes held just a shadow of doubt. Doubt he knew he'd put there.

"Yes baby. Always... I belong to you Tara, I'm always yours." He whispered before lowering his head to take her mouth in a deep kiss. His hips picked up the pace, moving faster, and his thrusts going deeper inside her.

"Never leave me again." Tara gasped as she raised the hand that wasn't holding his to wrap around his neck, her fingernails biting at his skin. The meaning of her words was not lost to him, he'd left her before Stockton, he'd left her alone in her grief and turmoil, and he'd left her alone to go to Belfast. From the moment Abel was taken until the moment they got him back, Jax had left her. Stockton, as long as it was, hadn't been as painful as that and he'd never make that mistake again.

"Never." Jax whispered his eyes locked on hers, the conviction of his words clear in his eyes. His thrusts became erratic as Tara's face twisted slightly in a familiar expression. She was close, and by god she looked beautiful.

"Hold me." She gasped and Jax shifted to wrap his arms around her. One hand drifted to her lower back, to cover his crow, and hold her hips at a better angle while his forehead rested against hers and he looked deep into her eyes.

"Jax!"

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><p><strong>So there it was guys. The sex scene. What did we all think? <strong>

**Thank you for all your support with this fic. I never could have imagined when I started writing it that it would reach 35 chapters or even more amazing, over 500 reviews. You guys are incredible and I can never thank you enough. But as a small token of my appreciation I decided to post this chapter earlier than i had planned. It was intended for chapter 38. ;) **

**You know the drill guys. **

**xx Ally**


	36. Fix, Take 2

**36.**

**Setting: Season 2, Episode 3 "Fix"**

**Rating: T**

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><p>Opie sat in the same spot Jax had left him 20 minutes earlier. The beer he had been drinking still in his hand as he nursed it. His eyes swept around the studio taking in everything he saw with distaste and more than slight disgust. He didn't know how he felt about this. This porn bullshit. It was legit, and that was a good thing, but being in this world brought up a whole heap of issues he really didn't want to deal with. He looked at the girls in their skin tight, shorter than short dresses, hair piled up on their heads and far too much make up and couldn't help but think of Ellie. His beautiful little girl, his baby. He didn't want this shit in her world in anyway, and because it was in his world, it was by extension in hers. He didn't want to wake up one morning and see his little girl dressed like that, see her in some shady dark corner blowing some bikey. The thought made him shiver in disgust.<p>

Ever since he'd become a father he'd seen things differently, especially when Ellie was born. He didn't want her treated the way some of the women that hung around the club were treated. She was his princess, and she deserved to be treated like one. She made him want to get out. This life that he had loved for so long, she made him want to take her and Kenny and just run far away from it all, somewhere it couldn't touch them.

He knew Jax wasn't sold on this shit either. He pushed it through the club because it was legit and he wanted more than anything to get the club back to where it used to be, to restore it to its former glory. Opie was all for that, but this shit with Clay was turning sour. He didn't know what was going on, but he couldn't shake the feeling that it was going to get a hell of a lot worse before it got better. At least Jax had Tara. Tara, he'd missed her. They were friends before. Good friends. She and Jax were practically inseparable so if he wanted to spend time with his best friend, he'd have to spend time with Tara. Luckily she'd been a really cool girl and he'd fallen in love with her too. Of course, the love he felt for Tara was completely different to that of Jax's. He loved her like family and she quickly became the sister he'd never had. When she'd left Opie had understood. Tara didn't have much in Charming, pretty much only Jax, and that was no way to live. She needed something for herself, she couldn't let that brain of hers go to waste, and if she'd stayed she would have ended up resenting Jax for holding her back. No, she had to go, he just always held hope that she'd return.

When she finally did, it was like seeing Jax take a life giving breath. Like he'd been dead for ten years and the moment she entered his life again she resurrected him. Opie was so happy she'd come home. When they found their way back to each other he'd found a faith that just maybe everything would be ok. That life would go back to normal and they'd all find their redemption. It wasn't to be of course, that wasn't the life they all lived and signed up for. So while Jax had his girl back, Opie lost his. He didn't begrudge Jax his happiness, quite the opposite, but seeing them together made him miss Donna all the more.

A commotion near the entrance made Opie look up and tore him from his musings. Jax and Tara came stumbling out of the bathroom laughing and smiling like they were 18 again. He knew from the look on both their faces just what they had been getting up to in there and he couldn't help but smile as he watched them leave the studio with their arms around each other, kissing sporadically.

Life may not be perfect, and his heart hurt so much it was physically painful, but seeing his two best friends happy helped to ease the pain more than Opie ever would have expected. Throwing his half empty plastic cup in the bin, Opie took one last glance around the room, his eyes falling on a pretty blonde leaning against the wall away from everyone else. She smiled at him softly and he nodded back at her. She was one of LuAnn's girls, but he couldn't remember her name. She seemed sweet, different. But looking at her in this place only made him think of his daughter again. With a heavy sigh he turned and left that world behind, with a sudden urge to see his kids that he wouldn't ignore.

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><p><strong>Ok, so something a little different. I know this was very Opie heavy, but as I was writing it, it just sort of went that way. I mean, let's face it, Opie isn't going to be thinking 100% about Jax and Tara. Just cause I do. Lol. <strong>

**Leave me some love people, let me know what you thought of this little twist. **

**You know the drill. Love ya. **

**xx Ally.**


	37. Out

**37.**

**Setting: Season 4, Episode 1**

**Rating: T**

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><p>"Mommy!" Abel's voice called two seconds before his bedroom door opened. Jax pulled away from resting his forehead against Tara's to look towards their bedroom door.<p>

"In the bedroom baby." Tara called back and Jax watched as Abel ran into the room. The little guy spotted Daddy sitting on the bed with Mommy and Thomas and a huge smile broke out on his face before he charged for the bed.

"Did you have a good nap buddy?" Jax asked as Abel climbed up onto the bed and threw himself down into Jax's lap. He nodded happily before he reached out to kiss Tara's cheek.

"You sleep too Mommy?" Abel asked, as he looked around the room. Despite being only 2 years old, he still spotted that Tara was wearing a robe and the bed was a mess.

"Yeah baby, me and daddy had a nap too." Tara picked Thomas up out of her lap and placed him on her shoulder, rubbing his back to burp him.

"TomTom up now?" Abel picked up Jax's hand and started playing with his rings.

"Yep. Up and Fed." Just as Tara finished speaking Thomas burped loudly. Jax threw his head back and laughed heartily. This was the first time he'd witnessed such a normal act. He'd never seen Thomas feed and subsequently burp. But the little guy could belch like a trucker. Jax found himself feeling oddly proud at that fact. He smiled at Tara as she rolled her eyes at him before settling Thomas to sit in her lap.

"Daddy you staying?" Abel asked as he abandoned his daddy's hand in favour of his brother's foot. Jax couldn't help but smile as he watched Abel rub Thomas's foot.

"What?" Completely wrapped up in watching his boys Jax missed the question.

"You staying home now? Not going away again?" Abel's little face was looking up at Jax with such hope and Jax found himself feeling oddly conflicted. It broke his heart that Abel was scared that he'd be going away again. But it filled him with joy that Abel wanted him around.

"No buddy, I'm staying right here with you, Thomas and Mommy." Jax answered placing a kiss on Abel's head.

"Good. Mommy missed you." His question answered, Abel turned back to Thomas who was smiling happily at his big brother. Jax however looked at Tara. Her eyes swimming with unshed tears, smiling softly as she looked at Jax, she mouthed the words 'I love you' and Jax felt his own throat tighten.

"I missed her too."

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><p><strong>Hi guys,<strong>

**So my last little experiment into another character's mind had mixed reviews. That's ok, it was a little something different and I knew it was a risk. I had initially intended it to be much more Jax/Tara heavy, but as I wrote it, that's what came out, so... that's what it was. **

**Back to our normal scheduled programming now. :D **

**You know the drill guys, and thanks to everyone who reviewed. **

**Love you all, **

**xx Ally**


	38. Jax's Widening Gyre

**38.**

**Setting: Season 3, Episode 7 "Widening Gyre"**

**Rating: T**

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><p>She looks at him, and the pain in her eyes makes his chest physically ache. He put the hurt in her eyes, the betrayal. All he ever wanted was to make her happy, to show her love, but he's poison. Doomed to bring pain and suffering to those around him, those he loves. Her only hope is to be free of him, to get as far away from him as possible. But she wouldn't leave; she wouldn't give up, on them or him. He loved her more and more for that. But he loved her too much. Too much to see her stay and fall victim to the cruelties of his life, the curse of his existence. She had to go, he had to make her go, and so he did the only thing that he knew would succeed. The deal breaker. But he never expected it to hurt this much. He knew it would, knew the pain would be unlike that he'd ever known, and yet still he was unprepared. It was soul crushing, overwhelming, physically debilitating. A pain that buried its way into his bones, his DNA. This pain would never leave; it would stay with him for the rest of his days. He'd broken her heart, his girl, the only good thing left in his world.<p>

With one last sorrowful look she turned and was gone. The door slammed shut behind her, the sound deafening in the quiet room, under the weight of all it meant. He knew what she was doing, she wasn't just leaving an awful scene behind, she closing the door on him and on them, and while that had been his plan all along, he had to fight the urge to go after her. He wanted to catch up to her, drop to his knees before her and beg her to forgive him. Not just for this last injustice but every one he'd ever committed against her. For not being there for her like he knows she needs him to be. For not being better, being more, for lying, for blaming her for needing more. She has always meant more to him than anyone else in the world. The only person who could compare was his son. And now lying here in this god awful room that reeked of booze, smoke and sex he realised that he'd lost them both and it was all his fault. His life, his club, had taken his son. And now his foolish actions had taken Tara too.

When that... girl came out of the bathroom in his shirt he had to fight the urge to vomit. He was more than slightly thankful that it wasn't the same shirt that Tara had worn months earlier, standing in the same spot. But it was still his clothes on a girl that wasn't Tara. He wanted to jump out of bed and tear the shirt from the blonde's body. She was soiling it, soiling wonderful memories and she had no right to wear it. To tarnish it by laying it against her unclean skin. But he stayed still and silent, too much of a coward to do anything at all. But as Ima tried to crawl back into bed with him he knew he'd do something he'd never done before by laying hands on a woman if she didn't leave immediately. He couldn't stand the sight of her for a second more, because every time he looked at her, all he saw was the mistakes he'd made and the pain he'd caused. Maybe he'd been unfairly harsh in his treatment of her; after all, it wasn't her fault. But seeing the glee she took in Tara's broken heart wiped away any civility or slight sympathy he could ever possess for that vile creature. It was his mistake, his pain to cause, he knew that, but at the moment he wasn't capable of owning up to it. Once the door closed behind her porn star ass, and he finally dragged his body from the bed to the shower he let his head drop against the cool tile, the water cascading over his head, he tried again to convince himself that what he'd done was right.

He closed his eyes and saw her face. Her beautiful face marred with the pain he'd caused. He'd promised her 15 years earlier that he wouldn't ever hurt her, she'd known too much pain already, and he wouldn't be another man in her life to hurt her. When she'd returned to him, he'd promised again. Told her he'd meant it then and he still meant it, but he'd broken that promise and probably done more damage than her abusive father or that prick Kohn could have ever inflicted.

One of their biggest problems, the first time around, was the fact that he couldn't show emotion. He told her he loved her, all the time, and he never had problems showing. It was the other emotions. When he was sad or angry or hurt, he didn't know what to do or how to behave. His actions at those times usually led to fights and arguments because he'd do something stupid. He never cheated on her though, not once. He'd never even come close before. And right now he was tempted to throw himself in to old patterns, try and be the idea of strong he'd ever been shown and pretend that his heart wasn't breaking. That watching her walk away from him with pain in her eyes didn't kill him and wouldn't stay with him for the rest of his life. It was oh so tempting, but alone in this tiny shower, with the still slightly lingering effects of the whiskey he'd drunk only hours earlier he could let it go, let the tears he'd always held back flow. So with both hands braced on the wall in front of him, the water washing over his head but unable to get him truly clean, Jax Teller cried for all that he'd lost and everything he'd never have again. He cried for the girl he'd betrayed, the love that he'd only ever known in her embrace and would never know again. He cried for the promise of a family, children and a life he'd never get to have with the woman who owned his heart. He cried for their son, their son who was miles away with strangers because of his actions. He cried until he couldn't cry anymore.

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><p><strong>Inspiration for this chapter was "Tonight I Wanna Cry" by Keith Urban. Listen to it guys, it's so Jax and Tara in Season 3. It breaks my heart. But then, strong men crying always does.<strong>

**Hope you all liked it, hit the little button and let me know what you think. It's a little angst amongst the happy of late. :( **

**xx Ally**


	39. Post Out

**39.**

**Setting: Season 4, Episode 1**

**Rating: T**

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><p>Soft cries from the baby monitor on the nightstand filled the otherwise silent bedroom of Jax and Tara. Jax's eyes opened with a start as the sound reached his ears. He looked down at Tara who was slowly awakening, her head on his shoulder and an arm draped over his chest. Jax placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before whispering,<p>

"I got him babe." Gently removing her arm, Jax slid out of bed and slipped his boxer shorts on.

"He's hungry." Tara mumbled sleepily as she curled her body around his pillow. She looked exhausted, and no doubt was. It had been a long day yesterday. A wonderfully long day. Getting out and coming home to her and the boys was one of the best days of his life. They'd made love in the middle of the day before separating temporarily for Opie and Lyla's wedding. They'd danced in each other's arms, enjoying being able to freely hold each other, no guards or inmates, just Jax and Tara rocking together to the soft music before returning home to make love and falling asleep in each other's arms. So spent they were, Tara hadn't even got up to put something on. She very rarely had ever slept naked, but tonight she was.

"I'll bring him in here." Jax smiled as he looked down at her closed eyes. "Bottle or boob?"

"Boob." Tara mumbled and Jax bit his lip to stop himself from laughing. She really must have been tired to let that comment go.

"Ok, I'll be right back."

Jax treaded softly down the hall so as not to wake Abel and quickly ducked into Thomas' nursery before his cries could echo down the hall. The room was dimly lit by the night light on the wall but he could still see Thomas's little feet kicking wildly. Upon seeing his daddy's face Thomas's cries quietened to whimpers and Jax couldn't help the smug smile. Despite being locked away for the entirety of his short life Thomas knew his daddy.

"Hey little man. It's ok, daddy's here." Jax whispered as he reached in and picked Thomas up. The baby's whimpers ceased once he was resting against his daddy's bare chest. Jax ran his hand up and down Thomas's back as he turned for the door. When he entered the bedroom Tara was in the same position in the bed, trying to keep her eyes open. Once she caught sight of him and Thomas a soft smile came to her face.

"That's a nice sight." She sighed before sitting up, the sheet pooled around her waist, exposing her naked chest and Jax took in the sight hungrily. Thomas wasn't the only Teller man who hungered for her body, albeit in two very different ways.

"So's that." Jax's voice rumbled and Tara only shook her head with a smirk, not bothering to cover up.

Just like he had earlier in the day, Jax climbed into the bed with Thomas against his chest before carefully handing him over to his Momma. He watched as she settled a smiling Thomas in her arms and offered him her breast. This was the first time he'd seen his girl feed their son. The first time he'd ever seen anyone breast feed. Jax watched with fascination, awe and an overwhelming sense of love and pride as Thomas suckled at Tara's breast. The tear that dropped from his eye surprised even him as Tara reached up to wipe it from his cheek.

Jax opened his mouth to speak but no sound would come out. Giving up Jax leaned forward and took Tara's lips in a fierce kiss. Watching her with their son was nothing short of miraculous. The beauty was indescribable. He loved her more in that moment then he ever would have thought possible. His girl, his best friend, mother of his children, his Tara. Tara was everything, everything in his world.

"I love you so much." Jax choked as he cupped her cheek, his eye suddenly drawn to her left hand as her engagement ring sparkled in the dim light from the hall. His fiancée.

"I love you too."

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><p><strong>Well, after the dark angst of the last chapter, a little bit of fluff. <strong>

**Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. It got an amazing response and i want to thank each and every one of you. :D **

**You guys rock and I love you all. **

**You know the drill, see you soon. **

**xx Ally**


	40. Bainne 2

**40.**

**Setting: Season 3, Episode 11**

**Rating: T**

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><p>"Yeah?" Jax answered as he took the phone from Bobby.<p>

"Jax, it's Tig. Man, I got some bad news." Tig sighed on the other end of the phone.

"What's going on?"

"It's Salazar man. He ah..." Tig hesitated and Jax started to panic. He didn't know what Tig was going to say, but if he was hesitating, it was bad. His stomach started to roll uncomfortably, his heart rate picking up.

"He what?" Jax asked as the guys gathered around him and he looked into the curious face of his mother while trying not to notice the dejected expression on Bobby's.

"He's taken Tara man." Tig's voice was barely above a whisper and for a moment Jax thought he'd heard him wrong.

"What do you mean 'he's taken Tara'?" Jax made a conscious effort to keep his voice calm and low as Tig's words finally started to sink in and the panic ripped through him.

"He kidnapped her and that redhead from the hospital. He let the redhead go, but he's still got her. He's had her for a few days man. I'm sorry. But you better get back here cause it's not looking good."

"Tell me she's ok." Jax whispered as he closed his eyes to the sympathetic looks he was getting from all around him and held Abel a little tighter against his chest. She had to be ok. She just had to be.

"I don't know. We've been trying to get her back man, but it hasn't gone well. You gotta come home." Tig repeated and the panic in Tig's voice finally registered to Jax through his own. He'd never heard Tig sound so... frightened before. And it scared the shit out of him.

"Tig. Tara's pregnant." Jax whispered as the full weight of the situation bore down on his chest and made it difficult to breath. He heard the gasps around him in the still night air and saw the looks on everyone's faces as they all realised just how bad this night had become.

"Oh Jesus. Fuck. Man you gotta get home." The panic in Tig's voice was undeniable now, and the fact that he kept repeating for Jax to get home hadn't gone unnoticed. They were lost, they didn't know what to do to save his girl or how to handle the very real possibility that they'd lose her.

"We're coming now... Tig?" Jax whispered as his fingers clenched the phone in his hand.

"Yeah brother?"

"Please, just, do whatever you can to help her." Jax's voice was raspy as his held back the emotions swelling inside him. He'd only just found out about the baby, their baby. He finally held his son in his arms after weeks of being without him, and now, now some dead motherfucker had his girl, his beautiful girl.

"You have my word."

The phone line cut off and Jax just stood there, staring at nothing, holding Abel against his chest, the hand holding the phone shaking. Suddenly Gemma was in front of him, pulling him into her arms.

"We'll get her back baby. I promise. We'll get them both back." Gemma whispered in his ear before taking Abel out of his arms. Jax dropped to the ground, his head in his hands. What had he done? He'd left her there, alone and unprotected, like she didn't matter. How could he have done this? She was his world, his second chance, his something better. Tara was the love of his life and he'd hurt her, left her and now he had to face the possibility that he may have gotten her and their unborn child killed. The tears slipped from his eyes before he'd even realised they'd gathered there. He couldn't lose her. He couldn't. He would get her back, he would slit the throat of that prick Salazar and wrap his arms around his girl and never let her go. He'd protect her and their children no matter what. He had to, cause he didn't want to live without her.

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><p><strong>Ok guys, sorry for the delay in updating. I got a little behind on my writing, but I'm all caught up now. :D <strong>

**Chapter 40. Wow. I didn't think we'd get this far in when I started this. Or that i'd reach 610 reviews. You guys are amazing. Thank you so much to everyone for all the support. **

**See ya in 20. :D **

**xx Ally**


	41. Out 2

**41.**

**Setting: Season 4, Episode 1 "Out"**

**Rating: M**

**Thank you to Phoenix for reading this and assuring me it didn't suck. Lol. Thanks sweetie.**

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><p>Jax had come back to the clearing with a heavy heart until he looked up and saw his fiancée. It might have been their little secret at the moment, but it was fact none the less. She was dancing to the soft music with Piney and he couldn't help but smile. She had managed to fit into his world so well, and she was the most unlikely person to ever fit there. The doctor and the biker were an unusual pair. She deserved better than this life, and he was doing everything he could to get them out. Jax had every intention of following through with his promise to her earlier in the day. They all deserved a better life and he'd get it for them, away from Charming and Samcro, away from the ugliness he'd just participated in.<p>

He watched them for a moment longer before strolling over and tapping Piney on the shoulder.

"Can I cut in Old Man?" Jax asked never taking his eyes off Tara.

"About time." Piney muttered before kissing Tara's hand and stepping away. Jax was more than a little surprised at the soft gesture that Piney had just bestowed upon Tara, and looking into her face, so was she. The two merely smiled at each other and stepped into an embrace that felt like home. They swayed together, wrapped up in the warmth of the other, Tara's perfume swimming around them and filling his senses. Jax couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. It was an understatement, but it was true, it was so good to be home.

The song ended but they didn't release each other, just continued to sway gently on the spot. After a few moments Jax was forced to relax his hold on her as Tara pulled back enough to look into his eyes. She placed a gentle kiss upon his lips before whispering to him.

"Take me home baby." Her lips quirking in a soft content smile. Jax leaned in and kissed her softly.

"Let's go." He mumbled against her lips before throwing an arm around her shoulders, hers slipping around his waist, and leading her to where his bike and her new SUV were parked. He rode beside her the whole way, and when they pulled up to the house Jax was quickly off his bike and at her door opening it for her. They walked up to the front door hand in hand, the door opening before Jax could reach for it.

"Hey Ma." Jax smiled as he looked into his mother's face. The expression she wore was strange, Jax couldn't quite place the emotion, but then she smiled and Jax shook off his mother's odd behaviour. With his hand firmly holding onto to Tara's, Jax lead them inside.

"How're the boys?" Tara asked quickly once the door was closed behind them.

"Fine. Sleeping peacefully like the little angels they are."

There was silence between them for a moment. Jax brought Tara in tight to his side, his arm slung over her shoulder as hers wound around his waist. Her head dropped down on his shoulder and Jax turned to place a kiss on her forehead. When he looked back at his mother she was smiling softly at them.

"What?" Jax asked and Gemma merely shook her head.

"I'm gonna go. I'll see you tomorrow." With a kiss on the cheek to each of them, Gemma was gone and they were finally alone.

Jax turned his head slowly to look at Tara, she was already smiling up at him and when his eyes met hers he was struck by how much he loved her. He'd always loved her, couldn't remember a moment when he didn't, but now it seemed even more powerful, even deeper, more real than ever before. Something he didn't think was possible. His lips were on hers in a moment and in another it turned almost violently passionate. His hands were everywhere; he couldn't touch enough of her, couldn't get enough of her. His hands ran down her back, and gripped the tops of her thighs lifting her until her legs wrapped around his waist. The dress she wore bunched high around her thighs and Jax broke their kiss to gaze at the smooth, pale skin. He ran his hands along the silkiness of it. God he'd missed her skin. With a soft growl, his lips found Tara's again as he turned to head down the hall to their room. It was a slightly awkward walk down the hall, trying to stay straight and not run Tara into anything, while their tongues duelled in a war he would eventually win.

Once in the bedroom, Jax let Tara's legs release his hips as she slid down his body. She stood before him, in her beautiful dress, her lips kiss swollen and a faint blush covering her skin. She was gorgeous. Jax reached up and gently released her hair from the tie with one hand, while the other slipped around her waist to pull her close to his chest. He could feel her hands on him through the layers of his hoodie, cut and shirt, the warmth burning him in the most delicious way. Jax brushed her hair over to one shoulder and attached his mouth to her neck. Tara moaned as his lips nipped and sucked at the delicate spot below her ear, oblivious to his hands slowly unzipping her dress.

When Jax released her neck with a final gentle kiss, Tara groaned in disapproval as he took one step back. His eyes bore into hers with an intense passion burning in their depths as he tugged at her dress until it dropped to pool at her feet. Standing before him in black lace panties, and a matching strapless bustier, her heels making her taller and her legs look amazing, Jax felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. She looked like sex in heels. She looked delectable. He had to have her now. With slightly trembling hands he pulled at his clothes recklessly, throwing them haphazardly around the room until he was completely naked before her.

"I want you." She whispered and Jax lunged at her with a growl. He had her on the bed in a second flat, her panties on the floor, the bustier thrown god only knows where and the heels dropped on the floor forgotten. His mouth found hers in a bruising kiss, his left hand propping himself up as his right trailed down her side. Tara shivered as his touch trailed down her hip, her thigh and finally gripped her knee, pulling her leg up to wrap around his hip.

"I missed you so much babe. Every moment of everyday. All I wanted was to be home with you." His lips trailed kisses down her neck to her chest as he spoke. His lips latched onto her nipple and laved it with his tongue. Once he would have sucked and nipped at the dusty pink nib, but with her still breast feeding he was slightly afraid of what might come out of he did. So he kept his touch gentle so as not to hurt her. Tara's fingers reached up to run over his shorn hair.

"Jax. I need you baby." He pulled back to look into her eyes, her left hand slipping around to cup his cheek. Jax turned to lay a kiss on her hand and paused. Tara watched dumbfounded as Jax pulled away, stood from the bed and walked away from her. "Jax?"

Jax stood at the dresser, frantically searching while Tara lay naked and stunned on the bed. As quickly as he stood, he was back, hovering over her. He took her left hand in his, and slowly, carefully slipped the engagement ring on her finger. Tara smiled softly as he brought her hand up to his lips and laid a delicate kiss over the ring before raising his head to meet her eyes.

Tears pooled in Tara's eyes as she gazed at the desperate love that filled Jax's own eyes. He still held her left hand, entwining their fingers, as he propped himself up with his left hand by her head. With her free hand Tara cupped Jax's face and wrapped her legs around his hips.

"I love you so much." She whispered as a single tear fell from her eye. "I missed you every second you were gone."

"I love you. I want only you. Forever." Jax answered in his own whisper before pushing slowly inside of her. His eyes never left hers until his hips touched hers, then they rolled back before he dropped his head to her shoulder. Jax started moving his hips so slowly it was the sweetest torture, but his hand never let go of hers. They moved together slowly, deeply, each chasing that wonderful moment of completion. Jax rested his forehead against Tara's, looking deep into her eyes, as they both exploded together. Every movie of the week, and romance novel, cliché was right. When they were together, it was like fireworks were exploding over their heads, like the stars were shining just for them, like coming home, and like glimpsing heaven. When they came together everything in the world disappeared and it was just Jax and Tara, two souls but one entity. It was cheesy and cliché but it was true none the less. Jax was made for Tara, Tara made for Jax. That was just the way it was always meant to be, and nothing, no one would ever keep them apart again.

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><p><strong>Wow guys. As I post this chapter, I have 631 reviews. I can't believe it. I'm stunned. You guys are amazing and I love you all. <strong>

**Now since the show at the moment is decidedly short on the Jax/Tara lovin, I thought I'd put an end to the dry spell. lol. Hope you all like.**

**Also, for a few chapters now I've been hearing from you that you want an extended chapter. Well, I'm working on it. I promise. **

**See you in 15. **

**xx Ally**


	42. S01E09

**42.**

**Setting: Season 1, Episode 9.**

**Rating: T**

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><p>Tara wasn't sure if this was right. If she should be here, if Jax would want her here. But when she'd left the hospital for the night she had gotten in the cutlass and driven back to her father's home only to find herself unable to exit the car. She sat behind the wheel for what felt like hours but was in reality only mere moments staring unseeing at the small house. She couldn't go in there. Couldn't remember what Kohn had tried to do to her. Couldn't remember the sight and the smell of his blood all over her bedroom. She pulled out of the drive and started down the street with no destination in mind, but when she found herself on the street of the clubhouse she realised that there was nowhere else she wanted to be. So she'd parked the car, and hesitantly walked up the drive of the lot. There was a party or something going on. But when was there not at Samcro? Looking around at all the scantily clad crow eaters she felt even more out of place in her jeans and sweatshirt. But then she saw Jax. Sitting at the table and looked up at her, his eyes catching hers, and smiled. Smiled that beautiful smile that had haunted her dreams for 10 years and she knew that she wasn't supposed to be anywhere else.<p>

Jax led her inside with a warm hand on her lower back and Tara suddenly felt like she was 19 again. More amazingly, she couldn't believe how one small gesture could make her feel so safe, so loved. It was a skill that was uniquely Jax's. And one of 100 things she'd missed. She noted with a faint smile that the room he led her to was the one she'd been in a million times as a teen. He still had the same room. Jax unlocked the door and took her hand. It was a perfect fit; her hand in his, but then it always had been. They'd been a perfect fit. Jax led her into the room and Tara had to close her eyes for a moment against the onslaught of memories that came rushing back to her. Her heart rate picked up, her stomach rolled and the hand Jax wasn't holding began to shake. She hadn't been at all prepared for the feeling that overwhelmed her as she stepped into the familiar room. She felt like she'd finally come home.

"Are you ok?" Jax's soft voice, the voice he only ever used when they were alone, asked of her.

"I'm fine. Just tired." She whispered back and tried to smile, finding the action easier than it had been all day.

"Here." He quickly crossed the room to the dresser and pulled out a slightly faded blue Samcro tshirt. He handed it to her with a shy smile and Tara realised that this was just as strange, and just as familiar to him as it was to her.

"Thank you." She whispered before stepping past the bed on the way to the bedroom, but something caught her eye and made her stop in her tracks. Ignoring the bathroom, Tara stepped closer to the bed. She'd thought for sure that her eyes were playing tricks on her, but as she reached out to trace the faces on the pictures taped to the head board she was forced to see it was real. Jax had photos of her, of them, on his head board. Taped at eye level, they would be the first thing he saw when he woke. She would be the first thing he saw. Something inside her shifted, almost like it was falling back into place after having been off kilter for years and she realised with a slight amount of mirth that it was her heart. She'd been walking around for 10 years with a broken heart and had never realised. But standing in Jax's room, in the Samcro clubhouse, staring at the proof that he still loved her, as much as she still loved him, her heart was finally whole. They had a lot of work to do on themselves and their relationship if they were ever going to be together again, but for the first time in a decade, Tara felt hope.

Her gaze finally left the smiling faces in the photograph to look up at Jax who watched her intently. She smiled softly at his nervous expression and watched the relief wash over him.

"I missed you. Everyday." She whispered and watched his eyes light up. She could almost see his own broken heart mend. Not for the first time she wondered if she'd done the right thing in leaving all those years ago. But then Abel's face popped into her head and she knew she had. She couldn't let Jax be her whole world, she needed to find her own path, her own life and follow her own dreams. A part of her always hoped they would lead her home to him, and now that it had it felt like she could finally breathe again.

"Ditto." Jax whispered with a slightly hoarse voice that they both ignored before Tara took one last look at their 19 year old selves in the photograph before turning for the bathroom. Maybe, just maybe, everything would be ok and they could have everything they'd ever wanted. Maybe they could have each other, forever.

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><p><strong>I always wondered about Tara finding those old photos of Jax and her on the headboard at the apartment, didn't you? Nothing was said in show, or even seen. But I thought it deserved a mention. I was inspired to get this off the list and onto the page when I saw in the last episode that the photos are still there. Interesting, no?<strong>

**Hope you enjoyed and thank you for the amazing response to the last chapter. **

**See you guys in... ;) I'm evil like that. lol. **

**xx Ally**


	43. Nineteen

**43.**

**Setting: Pre Series Era**

**Rating: T**

**_Note: Listen to "Don't You Wanna Stay" By Jason Aldean and Kelly Clarkson while reading this._**

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><p>She was leaving and his heart was breaking. For three years they had loved each other in every way one person can love another. They'd been madly, passionately, crazy in love. It had been amazing, falling asleep at night with his whole world wrapped up in his arms. Waking up in the morning and making love. Things weren't always perfect, they fought but it just meant that they made up passionately. She was everything in his world. His every thought was of Tara Knowles. But now everything was changing. She was leaving and Jax found himself wishing she wasn't so damn smart.<p>

He was proud of her. Prouder than he could ever imagine feeling and when she'd graduated high school with honours, he'd been in the crowd cheering and clapping at an embarrassing volume. Cause that was his girl, his reason for being, standing up there on that platform. She wanted to be a doctor. And the day she'd told him, divulged this secret he never knew she'd been keeping, he'd smiled. Hell his whole face lit up. His smart girl. She could do it; he had no doubt of that. But he hadn't realised it would take her away from him. He'd just figured she'd be going to school in California and be a couple hours drive away at most. But Chicago was the other side of the country and now it was goodbye.

He'd wanted to beg her to stay, to not leave him, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't ask her to give up her dream just because she was his. She'd asked him to come with her, and for a while it seemed perfect. They'd live together in Chicago; he'd work with the Sons charter there while she studied. They could spend every night together, no one tearing them apart. Not his mother or her abusive father. Not Clay or the club or school. Just Jax and Tara free to be together. They'd been euphoric at the idea. But it had been shot down. The club wouldn't let him leave. They were forcing him to stay. They voted against him transferring to the Chicago chapter, and when he tried for nomad, that was shut down too. When Jax had told Tara the disappointment on her face had been soul crushing. It wasn't going to work. That was the moment. If he was going to ask her to stay he had to do it then. But he couldn't. He couldn't do it.

That was a month ago. They'd spent every second they could together. Every other night Tara would sneak out of her father's house to spend the night with him, and on the other nights he'd sneak in. They couldn't be separated, that would come soon enough.

Tonight was her last night; they were wrapped in each other's arms at the tree they'd long ago claimed as theirs and it was getting late. They would have to hop back on his bike and head back to the clubhouse to spend the night in the apartment. She was getting on a plane tomorrow. The thought made Jax tighten his arms around her and that annoying song popped into his head. _Leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again_. It was the truth; he had no idea when or even if she'd be back. They'd never broached the subject, both too terrified of the possible answer. But as the cold night air started to sting their skin as it swirled around them, that question would be put off yet again in favour for the bike and the road back into town.

They fell into bed desperate for each other. This was the last time they'd make love; the last time he'd touch her like this, feel her surrounding him, her hands on his naked body and his on hers. The last time he'd hear her whisper 'I Love You' before falling apart beneath him. The last time. And Jax couldn't help thinking that he'd give up this one time, he'd give up a hundred times with her, as long as it meant it wouldn't be over. He forced himself to slow down. This had to last, had to last a lifetime. The words he wanted to say died on his tongue as they slowly, gently made love. A cacophony of silence, filled with all the things they both wanted to say.

_Stay. I Love You. I need you. Please don't go. Please don't let me go. Make me stay. Don't leave me. Spend forever with me, just like this. This feels too good to end, to be over. Stay. Stay. Stay._

Like a thousand times before they fell asleep in each other's arms. But when the sun rose in the morning, it rose on the solitary figure of the blonde boy. His arm outstretched to hold a warm body that had long since departed. It lit upon his face, illuminating the tears that ran unchecked down his face, his blue eyes unseeing as his heart ripped apart inside him. All the while the scent of her perfume still lingered on his skin.

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><p><strong>Wow, the last chapter received 30 reviews. That's amazing guys. I wonder when we'll hit 700... :D <strong>

**I know this chapter was intense. Too much? It's dedicated to all the reviewers who were asking for a pre-series teen Jax & Tara. :D**

**xx Ally**


	44. Stockton 2 Weeks In

**44.**

**Setting: Stockton, 2 weeks in.**

**Rating: T**

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><p>Tara sat across from Jax in the visitor's room of Stockton Prison. He'd been arrested two weeks ago, and that had been the last time he'd touched her. They'd only been allowed visits through that god awful glass up until now while the lawyers and the judges all did their thing. 14 months and he'd be out of here, but it was 14 months too long. Tara needed him at home with her and Abel. She needed him to be there when the baby was born, and for every doctor's appointment until then. And if Jax was being completely honest, he needed to be with her. He'd missed her for over a month. Since the day Abel had been taken. They'd been separated that day, and he'd only found his way back to her the day before he was carted away. Jax needed Tara. He missed her.<p>

The dark circles under her eyes worried Jax as he played with Tara's fingers. He wished he could jump over the table that separated them and pull her into his arms. He wished he could kiss her, touch her freely. Offer comfort and take the comfort she offered. He missed the feel of her skin beneath his hands. He missed her laugh. Her voice. He missed her. Every second thought was the same phrase "I miss Tara". It played in his head like a song with no end, a song with only three verses. "I miss Tara. I miss Abel. I love them both more than anything."

"Are you ok babe?" It seemed like the most inadequate question. Nothing was ok right now. He was locked up here when he should have been home with his girl and his son and nothing about that would ever be ok. "How're you sleeping?" And that right there was his biggest worry right now. The one night they'd had together before his arrest Tara had awful nightmares. Her heartbreaking cries echoing in the quiet of the night and tearing his heart to pieces. Tara merely shrugged at his question and Jax felt her fingers tighten around his.

"Anymore nightmares?" He whispered squeezing her hand back. He wanted to be there at night more than any other time. The night was theirs and he could hold her in his arms, keep her safe and warm. Chance away the bad dreams and the heartbreak. Be strong for her.

When Tara's eyes met his he knew the answer without her needing to utter a single word. Jax sighed and dropped his head for a moment before reaching out to cup her cheek.

"I'm so sorry babe. I wish I could be there, to hold you all night, chase them away." His voice was a mere whisper and his thumb brushed the tear from her cheek that slipped at his words. Tara turned her face into his hand and placed a gentle kiss to the centre of his palm.

"I know baby. But they're getting better. Not as long, not as many. Some nights I put Abel in the bed with me, they don't come at all those nights."

"Then take him to bed with you every night." Jax answered. It seemed like a simple solution to him. If the baby being in the bed made for a peaceful night for Tara, then have the baby in the bed every night. Problem solved.

"I can't do that." Tara smiled and started playing with his fingers again.

"Yes you can. You're his Momma, if you want him there, he's there." Jax didn't see the problem. It was a simple fix. And he found it a surprising comfort to him to know she wasn't sleeping alone. That she wasn't alone. Their son was being the comfort his Momma needed.

"Your Mom likes to keep him over night sometimes." Tara answered with a slight shrug that bothered Jax more than he liked. He knew his mom, knew what she was capable of and hated thinking that Gemma was already trying to force her ideas and needs on Tara. He'd have to have a word with her. Tara was Abel's mom. She had been his whole life, and now that the papers had been signed and filed, she was legally his mother. Gemma had to fall in line to what Tara said.

"Tough. I want him with you. Where he belongs."

Tara smiled at Jax's words. After everything they'd been through recently, she feared that no one would ever accept her as Abel's mother, not even Jax. Hearing him defend her role, her position, made her heart swell. "It's not good for him to be there every night. He'll want to keep staying every night, then what would we do when you come home?" Tara smirked and threw a wink at Jax. She had to fight the urge to laugh at the expression that found its way on to his handsome face. That was definitely not something Mr. Teller wanted. Her boys were a possessive bunch. Abel didn't like having her out of his sight, and Jax liked to have her all to himself.

"Well... then every other night. I just... I want to know that you're ok."

"I'm ok." Tara smiled as she squeezed his hand.

"I love you." Jax whispered as his eyes sought her gaze.

"I love you."

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><p><strong>Something a little fluffier after the heaviness of the last chapter. Thank you for all the amazing reviews. I'm so glad you all enjoyed my little take on Jax and Tara's split.<strong>

**I just want to say how humbled and honored I am by the response I have gotten to this fic. It's amazing. Thank you all so much.**

**See you soon.**

**xx Ally**


	45. With An X

**45.**

**Setting: Season 4, Episode 6 "With an X"**

**Rating: T**

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><p>Jax rode away from the new CaraCara studios with a bad taste in his mouth, and it wasn't just from that rancid whore's kiss. He didn't like what he had just done. He was never the guy that lay hands on a woman. That wasn't who he was. But he hated even more that it had kinda felt good. He'd made that mess, he'd screwed up when he took Ima to bed, but she was the stupid slut that rubbed it in Tara's face. She made the hurt worse for his girl, and then she came back for more. She pulled a gun on his mother, on Tara, and Thomas was in the room. Shit, the whore should be thankful she's still alive. Even with all the sins she had committed against his family, he'd taken more pleasure in putting her down then he should have.<p>

Jax stopped at a liquor store on the way home, bought a small bottle of Jack and took a large swig before spitting it out on the ground. Still the taste lingered in his mouth, so he took another. He never swallowed the burning liquid. Just let it swirl around his mouth til all he could feel was the tingling burn of the alcohol, then tossed the bottle, got back on his bike and headed home.

Tara was still pissed, he was sure of that, so he pulled up slowly, took his time walking in the door. When he stepped inside he could see Tara in the kitchen cleaning up. The table cloth was covered in blood, her bag was sitting on the chair, and he could now see that what she was cleaning up was the equipment she'd used to patch up Juice. Jax closed his eyes and tried not to sigh. While he'd been taking care of the mess he'd made, she'd been here patching up his brother. He was causing pain, she was taking it away. It seemed to be the never ending cycle of their lives. Like a merry-go-round they were stuck on. All he did was bring pain to everything and everyone around him, while her life was all about relieving the pain and suffering of others. She'd always been able to cure his.

"Hey" His husky voice whispered into the quiet evening. He knew she was aware of his presence, but she'd never once turned or acknowledged it any way.

"Hey" She whispered back and the distance in her voice threatened to break him. He needed her in his arms, needed to feel her body against his and her skin beneath his fingertips. To know that she was there, she was his, he hadn't lost her.

"If I try to touch you right now, will you let me?" Jax took a step away from the doorway he'd been leaning against into the kitchen.

"That depends." Tara murmured as she moved over to the sink to wash her hands.

"On?"

"On where you try to touch me." Her voice was even, but the warning was clear. She may be able to live with a lot of things in his world, but today brought back into focus a part of that world Tara would never be ok with. Today brought back the day she'd stood in his door way, pregnant with his child, and had her heart shattered. If he tried to love up on her now, all he'd get for his effort would be a black eye and more than likely a swollen and very sore groin.

"I just want to hold you."

Jax stepped up behind her, she didn't move, so he slipped his arms around her waist tentatively. When she still didn't protest, Jax pulled Tara's back against his chest, his forehead dropping to her shoulder. Turning his face into her neck he inhaled deeply the scent that was unmistakably Tara and everything he'd ever known to be home.

"You know how much I love you?" Jax whispered against the shell of her ear and revelled as she shivered in his arms.

"I know you love me." Tara whispered softly, staring blankly ahead at the window. He hadn't seen her face since earlier that afternoon and he missed her face. He wanted her to turn, to look up at him with those eyes that always held her entire heart in their chocolate depths.

"That's not what I asked." He growled softly, his arms tightening around her. "I love you more than anything in the world. I would do anything for you."

"I know that." Tara whispered softly, her hands rising to cover his over her stomach.

"You're everything babe. And I'm so sorry you had to go through that today."

"I don't want to have to deal with that shit again Jax." Tara whispered and her voice quivered slightly. It would have been barely discernable if not for the utter silence in the room. Jax turned her around and finally could gaze upon her beautiful face. But her eyes remained shut; she was still denying him that.

"You won't have to. It's taken care of." Jax whispered as he reached to cup her face, but Tara pulled back before he could make contact, her eyes opening quickly and looking up at him wide and slightly scared.

"What does that mean?"

"She's not an issue, and she never will be again." His eyes didn't leave hers; he wouldn't break eye contact with her over this. He was not ashamed. He'd done this for her, for them, for their family.

"Like Kohn?" Tara whispered and this time the fear was undeniable, this side of Jax scared the shit out of her. He knew it, and he hated that she ever saw it, that she was continually exposed to it. But this time... this time he hadn't taken it that far.

"No. She's still breathing." He tried not to notice the relief that washed over her face. That despite her hate of this woman, Tara didn't want another life on their hands. More blood was not something she wanted.

"And the next one?" She asked dropping her gaze from his again and Jax wanted to pull her face up so she couldn't look away from him, couldn't deny him her eyes. But he kept his arms loosely around her waist, if he couldn't have her gaze, he would at least have her in his arms.

"There won't be a next one." He promised vehemently. This was not a mistake he would make twice. He would learn from this betrayal he perpetrated on the love of his life and never commit such a sin against her and their family again.

Silence fell in the small room again and Jax feared the words that would next fall from her lips. A thousand words swam in his head, all different combinations of the same fear. What if this had been her last straw? What if today had been too much and Tara decided she couldn't do it anymore. What if this was goodbye. When Tara finally spoke Jax found himself holding his breath. "When she pulled that gun today, I wanted her dead." Her voice was a mere whisper, but the shame that resonated in it was louder than a 21 gun salute. But any shame in this situation was not hers.

"Me too." Jax whispered back and watched with relief as she raised her head to look into his eyes.

"Thomas was there Jax. She pulled a gun with our son there." The tears welled in her eyes, the fear ever present. If something had happened to their son she would have never forgiven him. He was silent; there was nothing he could say to that. The words she hadn't spoken still lingered in the air, and she was right. Their child had been in serious danger, because he'd brought this woman into their lives. The shame was written all over his face. But like every other time he'd done something, was responsible for something, which he was ashamed of, Jax couldn't hold her eyes and for the first time tonight it was him who looked away. He dropped his gaze.

"I really wanted to hit you today. To cause you pain." Tara whispered as she stared at his downturned head.

"You could have, I wouldn't have stopped you."

"Would have been long overdue." She paused and Jax couldn't take it anymore, he had to look at her, see for himself what she was feeling, what she was thinking. When he looked upon her face he saw the fierce mother she was always meant to be. The woman who could make the likes of Gemma Teller quake. "You brought that into our lives. First with CaraCara and then when... I've tried really hard to put all this shit behind me so we can move on and be a real family, but seeing her today. I hated you again."

"I'm sorry." His whispered. It wasn't enough but it was all he had. He couldn't take it back, couldn't make it right. All he could do was apologise. Every day for the rest of their lives if that's what it took.

"Are you?" Tara spat.

"You know I am. You know I would go back and do things differently if I could. That I hate that I hurt you." He pleaded for her to understand, to know that this was his biggest regret. Of all the horrible things he'd done and been a part of, it was this he regretted most. The pain he caused her and their family with his callous actions.

"You've never actually said sorry."

"What?"

"You never apologised."

"I'm sorry for that too... You gotta know babe."

"Oh yeah, I know." Her sarcasm was biting as she pulled away from him. "It's been a long day and I'm tired, I'm going to bed." As she stepped past him Jax knew he couldn't just let her walk away.

"Should I just go ahead and make myself a bed on the couch then?" He called before she could step out of the kitchen and into the hall.

"You do anything today to warrant that?" She asked with a narrow look over her shoulder.

"That depends." She raised her eyebrows at him, clearly not enjoying him throwing her words back at her. "What you think deserves couch time."

"Don't be cute Jackson." Tara snapped and Jax dropped his head. He hadn't intended to piss her off. It seemed today just wasn't his day.

"Tara, please tell me we're going to be ok. I can't... Please babe." He didn't want them to go to bed angry. To have this horrible day turn into a really big problem in their relationship. He wanted to fight it out and make up and get over it. It was an over simplification of an extremely complicated problem, and he knew it was unrealistic, but that didn't stop him from wishing it could all be that simple.

"Come to bed Jax, it's late." Tara's soft voice reached his ears and forced his head up. He saw the exhaustion on her face, but the love was still in her eyes. He released a sigh of relief only now realising just how frightened he'd been that it was gone.

Jax followed Tara down the hall to their bedroom. He watched silently as she went about getting changed and ready for bed. He watched her crawl into bed, curling up on her side and facing the window. With a heavy sigh, Jax stripped his clothes off, remembering to keep his boxer shorts on now that Abel was capable of coming into the room at any time, and climbed into bed beside Tara. He lay on his back, staring at the ceiling for a moment before turning his head to look at her. He couldn't help but remember the nights they'd shared this bed when Abel had been taken. There'd been even more distance between them then, and once Abel was home and Jax had Tara back in his arms, he swore that he would never let that happen again. And yet here they were, in their bed, separated by less than a foot and a whole world of hurt.

Jax wasn't the guy to grovel. To beg or plead. But he never admitted defeat either, and he wasn't about to let this ruin them, to lose Tara now. Sucking up his pride, Jax rolled onto his side and scooted up behind Tara. He curled his body around hers, holding her tight against his chest and burying his face in her hair. Tara remained unmoving for a moment that felt like an hour, before her hand reached for one of his resting on her stomach, and laced their fingers together. She was in pain, she was feeling the sting of his betrayal all over again, but in that one simple gesture Jax knew everything would be ok. She loved him, she loved him more than he probably deserved, but as long as she was with him, loving him, he'd have a chance. A chance at living up to it, at being the husband she deserved.

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><p><strong>Ok guys, in honor of chapter 45 and getting over 60,000 hits, and over 700 reviews I'm giving you guys a long chapter. I'm breaking a couple of my rules on this chapter. Normally I wouldn't write anything about the end of an episode until I have seen the following episode. This is because I like my chapters to stay true to the flow of the story on the show. And I have had instances where my ideas for chapters have had to be scrapped because of what I have seen on the following episode. For example, when Jax came home from the run to Arizona, I had almost the exact scene that we ended up seeing in Episode 5. But this chapter was begging me to write it, so I had to do it.<strong>

**The other rule I'm breaking, well I would usually only post part of this and then post the entirety as an extended chapter. But I think 45 chapters, 60 000 hits and 700 reviews calls for something special. :D **

**For those who have asked and haven't read it yet, I have updated the extended chapters, so check it out if you haven't already. **

**And last, but absolutely not least, Thank you so much to _Phoenix_ for all her help on this chapter. I really appreciate it. :D **

**Ok guys, you know the drill. **

**xx Ally**


	46. Bainne 3

**46.**

**Setting: Season 3, Episode 11 "Bainne"**

**Rating: T**

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><p>Jax was sitting on the bed that he'd been using since the club's arrival in Belfast. It had been one hell of a day. He'd seen his boy, finally seen him, after two weeks of missing his beautiful little face. He'd been so overjoyed when he saw him and wanted to run right up and snatch him out of the stranger's arms, hold him against his chest and never let him go. But he knew he had to be smart and hang back. Watching this innocent couple with Abel had affected him far more than he could have ever expected. This couple, they'd never killed anyone or tortured anyone. They didn't deal guns and spend their life dodging bullets and bad people. They could offer Abel a life Jax never could. And as that realisation hit him, his heart broke.<p>

Jax had returned without his son, to his very angry mother, and the news that his girl was having his baby. Tara. She and Abel were the only good things in his life. They were the light in all the darkness, his hope for a better life and maybe even redemption. But he'd failed them both, and now, now he knew he'd failed his unborn child too. People always say that just when you think things can't get any worse, they do. Fuck if that wasn't the story of his life. He'd screwed up so bad, dug a hole so deep and thrown himself down into it. So deep that he couldn't see the top, or find a way out. He had no idea how he was going to fix any of this.

"Hey." A soft voice with a distinct Irish brogue spoke up from the door way. Jax raised his head from its resting place in his hands and looked upon... his sister. That was yet another thing that still hadn't sunk in.

"Hey." He whispered back as she leant against the doorframe with folded arms.

"Are you ok?"

How on earth did he answer that question? He was the furthest thing from ok, but his problems and his burdens were his own and he'd never been the 'opening up' kind... with anyone other than Tara. "I guess. Just thinking."

"About?"

"I'm really sorry, about what almost happened. I shouldn't have been there with you in the first place." It was the only answer he could give her to the inner workings of his twisted up head, and although it was the truth, it hadn't been what he was thinking about. The only thought in his head was for the woman who had his heart who he had thrown away.

"You got a girl back home?"

"Yeah. I guess. I don't know." He had a girl back home, but she was probably long gone now. And he couldn't blame her, he couldn't be angry or hurt, because he'd driven her away. He'd treated her like she didn't matter for the last two weeks, before driving the last nail into the coffin of their relationship when he betrayed her with that porn slut.

"Abel's Ma?"

"No." Wendy had never had his heart. It was horrible and cruel but it was true. All the time they'd been together, that they'd been married, he never considered her his girl. There was only one person who held that title. Only one person who ever would.

"No?"

"Well..." Two weeks ago he would have called Tara Abel's mom had he been sitting with Trinity then. Now... "It's complicated."

"But you love her." Trinity spoke softly as she moved across the room to sit beside him on the bed.

"Yeah." He whispered as he stared at the wall in front of him. There was no point in trying to deny it, he loved Tara more than anything in the world, always had and always would. But that didn't matter anymore, he'd ended any chance he had of being with her. Having the life he'd always wanted with her. She was pregnant, with his child, but she wouldn't take him back, Jax was all but certain about that.

"Who is she? Croweater?"

Jax couldn't help but scoff, Tara had never been nor would she ever be a croweater. She was the furthest thing from it, and it had always been something he not only loved but adored about her. She didn't want to be that girl, refused to be. Tara had class, she deserved far better than she'd ever had. She deserved far better than him. "God no. She's a doctor."

Trinity's eyebrows shot up and her head turned abruptly to look at Jax. He almost laughed at the expression on her face. Almost. "How'd that happen?"

"High school sweethearts." He couldn't help but smile slightly at the image that popped into his head. It was an image that had been stuck with him since he was 15. The first time he ever truly noticed her. He'd known her, was friendly with her, knew her old man. But that one day at school, he'd walked out of the main building into the blinding sun, and when his eyes adjusted to the bright light the first thing he'd seen was Tara sitting under the bleachers reading a book. She was so damn beautiful, that had never changed, and he'd looked at her with a whole new set of eyes. She stopped being the brain in his class, stopped being the daughter of Jesse Knowles and started being the girl who he couldn't forget. Whenever he thought back to that time, it was the image he always remembered. That flawless, innocent and untouched memory.

"Wow. Then how is that she's not Abel's Ma?" Trinity's shoulder nudged his and he glanced up at her face for a second before dropping his gaze to the floor in front of him.

"She left town when we were 19 to go to school. Came back a few weeks before Abel was born." It was an over simplified answer to what was 11 years of hell without her in his arms. The pain and the hurt he knew they both had suffered couldn't be summed up into a few sentences and truth be known he didn't even know where he would begin to put it into words. But he didn't have to, whenever he thought back on it he knew the pain was painted in his eyes. He knew, because he'd seen it in hers.

"That's a long time away. But you never stopped loving her."

It wasn't a question, but he answered anyway. "No."

"She took on Abel?"

"As her own." Jax nodded. It had been amazing how quickly and effortlessly she'd taken on the role of Mother. He'd always known she'd be an amazing Mom and if he was being completely honest, she was the only woman he'd ever considered having kids with. Whenever he'd pictured his future, and tried to imagine a wife and kids, it was always Tara's face he saw. And even though he'd broken their unwritten rules and had a child with Wendy, Tara had immediately stepped up. She loved Abel as her own, there was no denying that.

"Good woman." Trinity muttered and reminded Jax of her presence. So lost in thought he'd actually forgotten she was still sitting beside him.

"She is." He couldn't help but smile slightly. It was an understatement, Tara wasn't just a good woman, she was amazing, and she was everything.

"So what happened?" And wasn't that the million dollar question. For a second Jax considered blowing off the question and not answering at all. But Trinity had taken a chance and come to him trying to comfort him, the least he could do for her effort was tell her the truth, no matter how bad it made him look.

"My fucked up life... She was there when Cameron took Abel. She'd been looking after him, went home with the Prospect to get more diapers, bottles. Cameron burst in while we were on the phone. I heard her scream and the line went dead."

"Shit."

"Yeah. Cameron killed the prospect, put a gun to Tara's head and took my son. When we got there, we found Sack dead on the kitchen floor, Tara in the nursery tied to a chair and gagged. Then she told me what Cameron had done. My son was gone." The tears welled in his eyes as the image of Cameron on that fucking boat, getting further and further away popped into his head.

"Poor Tara." Trinity's small voice beside him surprised Jax.

"Huh?"

"Well, seeing someone die right in front of you, even for a doctor that's got to be horrific. Then to have your child ripped out of your arms by a mad man with a gun pointed at your head. If she'd done too much Cameron could have hurt Abel or killed her. If that happens, who's left to tell you what happened and who had taken the baby? Then the guilt I'm sure she's suffering wondering if there was more she could have done, or if she should have died too."

Hearing it put that way, in simple yet uncompromising words Jax saw a side of that day he'd never seen before. He'd never blamed Tara before, but now he saw the situation for what it truly was, that for Tara it was a lose/lose. There was nothing she could have done to save anyone. She was stuck in a bad place, with bad people, trying with everything she had to protect her children. And no possible outcome would save them all. Trinity was right. If Tara had died, if he'd walked into that room to see her body laying lifeless on the floor it would have killed him. He wouldn't have been able to function to try and save Abel, to do anything. And there would be no one to tell them what happened. He had no idea that Cameron was out to get him; he would have been at a complete loss. But worst of all, he would have seen the one thing that he couldn't have survived. If Tara had fought too hard, Jax would have lost them both. No, not them both, all of them. There was one more life that had been hanging in the balance and Jax had never known.

"Why does that look on your face make me think there's more?"

There was more alright, "She's pregnant." Jax whispered. It still hadn't sunk in yet. With everything happening it was all too much and he couldn't think about it. Cause if he did, he'd see the hurt in her eyes that morning when she walked in on him and the porn slut. He'd see the hurt and know he'd done that to her while she was carrying his child. And he couldn't handle that reality right now.

"Oh Christ. So she's got two children's welfare to think about. I'm sure she was just trying to find a way where they all survived. Must have been..." Trinity shook her head as she trailed off. There weren't words for the hell Tara had gone through, or the guilt Jax was feeling as it only just now was becoming clear to him just what his beautiful girl had suffered through.

"Yeah."

"Now she's dealing with the fact that she's pregnant and her child is missing, in the clutches of strangers who are doing god only knows what to him. She's one tough woman. So why isn't she here?" And there it was, the one question Jax had been hoping she wouldn't ask. How did he tell his newly found sister just what an asshole her brother was?

"I fucked up." Jax whispered and foolishly hoped that would be enough, but when he glanced up at her face, he knew that wasn't going to happen. With a deep sigh, Jax averted his eyes, hung his head and finally whispered the words he was most ashamed of. "She walked in on me with someone else a few days ago."

"Jesus Christ Jackson." Trinity spat at him and stood from the bed to start pacing the floor in front of him.

"I know." Jax risked a quick look at her and saw the incredulous expression on Trinity's face as she paused in her pacing to stare at him, hands on her hips and riotous indignation in her eyes.

"So while she's trying to protect your children, and going through hell herself, you're running around two countries trying to get laid?" Trinity spat at him and Jax felt his defences rise at the tone of her voice and her accusing stare.

"It's not like that." He muttered in a poor attempt at self defence.

"It's looking a lot like that from where I'm sitting." Trinity glared before sighing deeply and dropping down to sit beside him on the bed again. After a long pause she spoke up again, her voice softer and less bitter this time. "Did you know? Did you know she was pregnant while you were acting like a right royal dick?"

"I only found out today." Jax admitted and saw her nod out of the corner of his eye, the floor boards seemed to be the best place for his gaze at the moment.

"Well, I guess that downgrades the situation by a half a percent." Trinity whispered and Jax thought for a moment that his little sister was going to let him off the hook. "So here's what you gotta do."

"You're going to tell me what to do?" Jax raised his eyebrows at her and smirked slightly. This little slip of a girl was going to tell him what to do, if nothing else, this should be funny.

"I'm your little sister, it's my job." She smiled while nudging his shoulder gently. "You're going to get your boy back. You're going to fly him home to his Ma, and you are going to drop to your knees and beg for her forgiveness. You're going to apologise for every shitty thing you've ever done and pray that she doesn't kick you out on your arse." Trinity spoke with conviction and Jax didn't doubt for a second that she'd more than likely be calling him to make sure he did just that.

"Yeah, I guess so." Jax muttered as he hung his head again. That all sounded great, but Trinity didn't know Tara. She hadn't seen the look in her eyes that morning. She didn't know that he'd done the one thing Tara couldn't, and wouldn't forgive. She didn't realise that she was asking him to do something when he doubted she'd even be there when he got home.

"No guessing Jackson, just doing." Trinity's voice was firm and broke no argument. "You know, I've heard everyone here talking about how much you look like John Teller. My own Ma telling me how you're just like him. Well don't be. Be better; fix the shit storm you've created with the woman who's carrying your child, the woman who is the mother of your missing child. Be a man." With that final dose of wisdom from his sister who was practically still a child herself, Trinity stood from the bed and left the room, leaving Jax to think about the mess he'd created. Tara's face popped into his head for the millionth time since they'd left Charming, but unlike all the other times when he remembered her face smiling and happy, all he could see now was the hurt he'd caused. The look on her face that horrible morning and Jax's heart broke all over again.

He had to get Abel back. Take him home and pray that Tara would still be there. That she would open the door and hear him out. Cause he didn't want live without her, didn't want to lose her. He wanted to be a family, a real family. The two of them and their children.

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><p><strong>Ok guys, so everyone who leaves signed reviews knows that I normally reply before uploading a new chapter. But I'm a bit time poor at the moment and I didn't want to keep you all waiting any longer for a new chapter. I promise I will reply to your reviews as soon as possible. I want to thank everyone for the wonderful reviews for the last chapter. I really appreciate all the support and the fact that you take the time to leave them. :D <strong>

**I hope you enjoy this chapter, until next time guys... **

**xx Ally**


	47. With an X Take 2

**47.**

**Setting: Season 4, Episode 6 "With an X"**

**Rating: T**

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><p>Tara had driven home comforted by the sweet noises Thomas was making in the back seat. She had hoped that this was all behind them, that she'd never have to deal with that porn slut again. She'd even managed to pretend that it had never happened. Despite being in prison, Jax had found ways of being so attentive and loving over the last 14 months that made it easy to trick herself into believing that her Jax had never done anything so hurtful and ripped her heart from her chest. Instead it was as if she'd created a second Jax in her mind that had treated her so horribly for weeks just to finally betray her and leave her behind completely forgotten. But seeing that... woman today brought it all back in to crystal clear high definition. There weren't two Jax Tellers; there was just the one man who had come very close to breaking her.<p>

With her staff meeting well and truly missed Tara didn't bother heading to the hospital. She didn't want to deal with that fall out right now. Instead she headed for home with her beautiful boy. As she came upon the intersection, right took her home, left to Abel's preschool, Tara indicated and turned left. After the morning she had, she wanted the two men she loved more than life, the two men who had never caused her pain, in her arms. When she pulled up in front of the school, she sighed happily as the sound of playing children drifted toward her. Like so many other times, her boys calmed her and made her smile when her heart hurt so badly it was a physical ache in her chest.

With Thomas on her hip Tara entered the tall gates of the school and headed into the play ground. A loud happy squeal sounded throughout the yard and suddenly a small blonde blur headed towards Tara. Tara smiled big as Abel's little legs took him as fast as he could to his Momma.

"Mommy! Mommy!" Abel called happily and Tara kneeled carefully, keeping a firm hold on Thomas with one arm and reaching out with the other as Abel ran into her arms.

"Hi baby boy. I missed you." She whispered in his ear as the comfort only her boys could bring her washed over her like a healing balm.

"Doctor Knowles, we weren't expecting anyone for hours yet." Jessica, one of the young girls who worked at the preschool spoke as she walked over to Tara.

"I know. But I've got the day off and I wanted my boys with me." Tara smiled up at the girl as she hugged both her boys.

"Are we going home now Mommy?" Abel asked, his smile growing even bigger when Tara nodded her head.

"I'd like to sign Abel out now Jessica, would you mind getting me the book?" Tara asked as she stood carefully in a very well rehearsed move. Abel latched onto her leg with one arm, the other reaching up to hold her free hand.

"Of course Doctor Knowles." Jessica disappeared inside the building and within minutes Tara was strapping both boys into the car.

"Come on Guys, let's go home." Tara smiled as she pulled out onto the street. The rest of the day passed quickly as she played with her boys. It was nice to have a day just the three of them again. They hadn't had time together like this in too long. And when she was with them she was able to forget the hell of the morning and the pain that came along with loving their father. When dinner time came and went with no phone call from Jax, Tara didn't know if she should be relieved or disappointed. He hadn't been out of prison long, only a matter of days, and he'd already missed more meals than she would have liked. But tonight was different. Tonight she wasn't sure she wanted to see him. As she bathed the boys and read Abel his bed time story, Tara was struck with how normal it felt to be doing this all alone again and how wrong that was. It shouldn't be like this. It should be the two of them together, the mother and the father.

Thomas was already down and once Abel had fallen asleep the house fell silent. Silence may be golden to some, but it was hell to Tara. It allowed thoughts, visions, memories she spent too much time banishing from her mind to come flooding back. She stood in the living room and raised her hands to cover her ears from the sound that was only in her head. The sound of that thing's voice and the vision of her standing in the doorway in nothing but Jax's shirt. Her chest ached; her mind whirled and as suddenly as the pain washed over her the anger was just as swift. She wanted to throw something, to destroy something the way her heart had been that day. She needed to take her anger out on something, on someone, and she'd come so very close to doing that today. If Gemma hadn't stepped in front of her god only knew what she would have done.

Tara didn't know when the tears had started but she visibly jumped when one warm tear dripped off her chin onto her chest. And in yet another instant the anger shifted. She was angry that she was allowing Ima, and Jax, to hurt her again. To cause her pain and make her angrier than ever before. She'd spent 14 months banishing those images and feelings from her life, and in one swift moment it had all come rushing back. The baby's cries broke the silence of the room and Tara quickly scrubbed the heel of her hands over her eyes and face to rid her skin of any and all tears before heading into the nursery.

Thomas's little arms and legs flailed as he cried unhappily in his crib and Tara rushed to his side. His cries lessened the moment Tara came into his line of sight, Momma could always make it better. Tara smiled at the thought and lifted Thomas into her arms, resting her beautiful baby boy against her chest as she rocked him gently. She found herself longing for the days when her Mother's embrace could fix any and all hurts she had suffered. But those days had ended when she was far too young and the next embrace she'd found anything close to that kind of comfort had been Jax's. Tara hushed Thomas softly as she headed out into the living room. She didn't know what had startled him awake. It was far too early for a feed and he wasn't in need of change. But as Thomas found comfort in his Momma's arms, Momma found her own comfort in the embrace. Once Thomas had drifted off to sleep against her chest, Tara lay down on the sofa with the baby slumbering peacefully on her chest. With her eyes closed she found a still kind of peace in the joy her sons brought her. Until the door bell rang and the world she had accepted as her own when she fell in love with Jackson Teller came calling again. As quickly as she could she answered the door trying desperately not to wake the baby still sleeping on her chest. Bleeding on her doorstep in a poetic contrast were Jax's brothers. She would patch Juice up, and then send him on his way while her innocent children slept peacefully in the next room, completely unaware of the violence that surrounded them. Not for the first time in the last 14 months, Tara considered if life wouldn't be better, safer if she just took the boys and ran. But as soon as the thought popped into her head, she glanced down at her hands and saw the ring that had found its home on her left hand. She wouldn't leave, because despite the pain he'd caused in one very callous act, Jackson Teller had her whole heart and she didn't want to live without him.

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><p><strong>Hi guys, thanks to everyone for reviewing. I took a chance with Trinity last chapter and I'm glad you all liked it. :D <strong>

**Thanks to _Phoenix_ for giving this the once over with her very observant eyes, I really appreciate it honey. **

**See you guys in 20. **

**xx Ally**


	48. Chicago

**48.**

**Setting: Pre Series, Chicago.**

**Rating: T**

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><p>Doctor Tara Knowles. It was a title she had secretly desired as a little girl and a teenager. When she finally admitted it and took the steps towards becoming a doctor her life had taken a drastic turn onto a road that had both positives and negatives. Tara gave up a lot to become a Doctor; the most painful of all was Jackson Teller. She loved him, completely and with everything she had. She'd begged him to leave the MC behind and come with her. Tried to convince him that they could have the lives that they'd always dreamed of. But it wasn't meant to be and when she'd left the small town of Charming she'd been forced to say goodbye to the boy she knew was the love of her life.<p>

Here it was eight years later and she still missed him every day. Missed his arms, his hands, his lips, his voice. Missed every little thing. She dreamed of him, longed for him. No matter what she did, Tara could not forget Jax Teller. In the early days, she could barely focus, he was her every thought. Whenever something good happened, she wanted to tell him and when the not so good things popped up in her life she wanted nothing more than the comfort she'd only ever found in his arms. She picked up the phone and dialled all but the last digit of his number more times than she could count. She missed him, missed him in her life and wanted her best friend back. She knew that it was impossible to have her love back in her life, but it broke her heart that she had lost her best friend too.

The first time she went the whole day and only thought of him once, she had felt so guilty. She was madly in love with this man, and the idea that she could ever possibly move on seemed like a betrayal. She'd tried to date. Went out with a few guys, but they never got past the second date. When they tried to lean in and kiss her at the end of the night, Jax's face would pop into her head and the guilt sent her bolting inside the door with a stunned and confused guy left alone on the door step. The first few times, she'd cried alone in her room in the most dramatic fashion. But Tara was loyal, especially to Jax, and no matter how many times she tried to convince herself otherwise, to her it was cheating.

She would go months on end without accepting another date, which was usually how long it took to convince herself that maybe this time it would be different, though it never was and the sick cycle continued. But Tara's whole world was about to change. She knew that without a doubt. Because when she'd come home from the hospital today and checked her mail, there had been something waiting for her that had ripped her heart from her chest and left her hollow.

Sitting in the living room of her tiny apartment she stared at the paper in her hand. The envelope it came in was post marked from Charming, dated three days earlier. She should have known that whatever it contained it couldn't be good and just thrown it away. But she couldn't. She still clung to the hope that maybe, just maybe, it would be Jax trying to reach out to her. She should have known it wasn't. After all there was only one person who knew her address, and she didn't think that Jax would be asking Donna for it.

Still, she nearly dropped the simple piece of white paper when she read the ten words that were inked across them in black.

_Jax got married last week. Thought you should know. Donna. _

There was a physical pain in her chest and Tara was certain that her whole world was falling apart. This hadn't been part of the deal. She couldn't move on, so he shouldn't have been able to either. He was supposed to marry her. Only her. They were supposed to have a small little ceremony by the tree they'd claimed as kids. Opie as best man, Donna as maid of honor, and the pastor. No one else, just the two of them and those three other people. They were supposed to ride off together to Big Sur or the desert and spend at least a week naked, enjoying the pleasures of each other's bodies. They were supposed to have kids and grow old together. That had been the deal they'd made late one night as they lay naked in each other's arms. She may have left for school, but he broke the rules. No one else was supposed to wear his ring.

But she wasn't just heartbroken. She was angry. She'd been unable to move on, she still loved him so much, but all the while she'd been pining for him he'd been falling for someone else. Had he not loved her as much as she loved him? How could he move on, when all she saw was him?

Tara didn't know how long she had spent staring at the ten words that had broken her entire world before she crumpled the note in her hand, but when she threw the note down on the table she spotted the business card that had been slipped into her bag a few days ago. She wasn't going to call him, hadn't reacted to him at all when he'd approached her in the coffee shop. He was so different to Jax, too different. To be honest, he seemed a little old for her, and as shallow as she knew it sounded, he wasn't in the same league as Jax physically. But now all those things that had been so wrong, seemed perfect. If Jax could move on, could get married, than damn it she deserved a chance at it too.

Picking up the business card Tara sighed. She swiped the tears from her face and picked up her phone, dialling the number angrily. It only rang a few times before his voice sounded through the receiver.

"Joshua Kohn"

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><p><strong>Well, what did you think of that little twist? Please don't get out your pitch forks and torches and chase me down. lol. <strong>

**Thanks for all the reviews to the last chapter. I promise something fluffy next time. I just need to actually write something fluffy. lol.**

**See you in 20 guys, **

**xx Ally**


	49. Una Venta

**49.**

**Setting: Season 4, Episode 4 "Una Venta"**

**Rating: M *WARNING: ADULT CONTENT***

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><p>"You're not leaving before the boys wake up are you?" Tara asked, her eyes still closed, Jax's forehead still leaning against hers.<p>

"No. I'm going to say goodbye." Jax whispered, pulling back enough to look into her eyes as they blinked slowly open.

"They won't wake up for a while." Tara reached up between them to take hold of the zipper on his hoodie. He was shirtless beneath it. Having woken up early, Jax had thrown on his jeans from the day before, along with his hoodie and headed into the nursery to check on Thomas. He'd stood beside the crib, staring down at the peaceful, beautiful face of his youngest son for god only knows how long. He'd lost track of time staring at his cherubic face. He was so beautiful. This amazing mix of him and Tara. He was perfect, and it was too easy to get lost watching him. The slow rise and fall of his tiny chest. He finally dragged himself away to make notes in his journal and that's where Tara found him. Looking down into her still slightly sleepy face, he saw the mischief lingering behind her eyes and couldn't help but smirk as she slowly dragged the zipper down to expose his naked chest. "Come to bed baby."

Her husky voice left no room for argument, but arguing was the last thing he wanted to do. His lips quirked softly, his head tilted in a slight nod, as Jax allowed Tara to tug him out of the nursery by the fingers she had tucked into the waistband of his low slung jeans. They were only two steps into the room when he pushed her robe off her shoulders and let it lay forgotten on the floor as they stepped over it. Jax pushed the door closed behind them and the slow seductive air around them shifted. Standing beside the bed, Jax watched motionless and enthralled as Tara slipped the hoodie off his shoulders with gentle teasing fingers. Those same fingers danced slowly and softly down his chest before lazily unbuckling his belt and unzipping his jeans, all the while her eyes stayed focused on his.

Tara smirked slightly before dropping to her knees in front of him and Jax was slightly embarrassed by the gasp that left his throat at the sight. There was something incredibly powerful in the vision of Tara on her knees before him. It was typically a submissive position, but with Tara, there was nothing submissive about it. Jax continued to watch as she dragged the denim, along with his boxer shorts, down his legs. Tara's hands gripped his hips as he stepped out of the material, kicking them behind him without a second thought. Her hot breath, panting through her wet open lips caused Jax's heart to pound and his own breath to shorten. She was so damn sexy. And then she was moving. Leaning forward, her lips bypassed the place he wanted them most, and lay delicate kisses on his hip bones. Along one side and then switching to the other, her fingers dancing up and down the outside of his thighs. Her mouth never engulfed him, never even brushed his erection, and yet she had him harder and hotter than he had ever been in his life.

And suddenly her lips were gone. Jax opened his eyes, unaware as to when he'd closed them, and looked down at her. Tara was looking up at him, her eyes grazing over every inch of his skin on the way to his eyes and he could feel them. Feel her gaze on every part of him, felt it burning him in the most delicious way. She stood before him, leaning in slightly and then took him in her hand. Jax moaned as her warm hand engulfed his engorged flesh, his eyes rolling back in his head.

"I love you so much Jax. You and our boys are my whole world." Tara whispered languidly into his ear, her lips moving gently against his skin and causing a shiver to run up his spine. The feel of her hand around him, moving slowly over him as her lips caressed his ear while she whispered over and over how much she loved him became all too much and he was suddenly frantic to feel her, to touch her, to be inside her. Jax quickly pulled the tank over Tara's head. The boxer shorts she wore, that had once belonged to him, were gone in an instant, and finally they were both completely naked.

Pausing again, Jax reached up to cup Tara's face. He looked deep into the chocolate eyes that had been a permanent fixture in his dreams for the past 14 months and felt the emotion welling inside of him. He loved this woman more than anything in the world. Would do anything for her. Had killed for her and would again. He'd wipe out everyone in the world to keep her safe and yet everyday this instinct, this feeling in his gut, told him that danger was closing in around them. He feared he'd have to kill again to protect this amazing woman who somehow loved him.

"I love you. You know that right?" Jax whispered as his fingers tangled in her soft hair.

"I know." She whispered back and his lips were on hers. Jax didn't know who had moved first, and he didn't care, all he knew was he needed to get her on the bed. He needed to lay her beneath him, slip inside her warm body to find the only perfection that existed in this world.

As he hovered above her, so close and yet too far, Jax ran his hand from her cheek, down her neck and along the side of her body all the way to her knee. He gripped the soft flesh in his hand and gently raised her leg to rest on his shoulder. Tara gasped as her body shifted into the new position and his arousal bobbed against her. The look in his eyes was as intense as she'd ever seen him. Things had been slightly off for a couple of days, she knew that, wasn't blind to any of the things that she was sure he hoped she was. But it was too soon to let the world in. She'd only just got him back, any problems and struggles that were coming down the road could just take a damn detour, cause for right now, he was hers and she was his and that was all that mattered.

Jax slipped inside her slowly, almost too slowly, never breaking eye contact. His hand ran up and down the calf of her raised leg, the other supported his weight beside her head. He almost loomed over her, his strength and masculinity on full display, the sight making her quiver. He was beautiful, had always been, but his slight darkness and the intensity of his soul made him sexier than anything this world had yet to produce. And when he claimed her body like this, all of that sexiness was unleashed on her. It was overwhelming, disarming and intoxicating. It made every nerve ending in her body come alive, her skin became almost overly sensitive and every touch seemed to produce a mini climax. This man, this amazing, powerful and seductive man, belonged to her. And when he was inside her, his power became hers.

Jax moved slowly at first, building into a deliciously torturous rhythm. But then something changed in his eyes, a flicker so tiny and only present for a split second. She'd seen this look before. But only once. The night they'd come back together. The night they'd made love with Kohn's body on the floor. He was claiming her. Taking her back after 14 months apart. He belonged to her, but with his body, he was reminding her that she belonged to him too.

Tara raised her hands to cup his face as his thrusts became deeper and harder. She searched his eyes and brushed his cheeks with the pads of her fingers. She knew what he needed, what he needed to hear. She would give it to him a thousand times, and then a thousand more.

"I'm yours baby, I've always been yours." Tara whispered as his relentless thrusts pushed her closer and closer to oblivion, her breaths becoming more and more shallow. Jax panted as his hips snapped almost roughly, his own body seeking release.

"Oh god babe." Jax moaned as he felt her muscles start to clench and quiver around him.

Tara exhaled as her fingers scrambled for purchase on his sweaty skin. One hand slipped around the wrist nearest her head and gripped tight, the other snaked around his neck as she closed her eyes and allowed his passionate assault to send her over the edge with a breathless whisper of his name.

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><p><strong>Hey there guys. Thanks for all the reviews for the last chapter. Glad you all enjoyed it. As promised, a little fluff amongst all the angst. :D <strong>

**Hope you all enjoy, and i'll see you in 15. :D **

**xx Ally**


	50. Family Recipe

**50. - UNBELIEVABLE**

**Setting: Season 4, Episode 8 "Family Recipe"**

**Rating: M**

**I just want to thank Phoenix for all her help on this chapter and the last chapter. She's my saving grace when I'm stuck. So thank you so much honey. **

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><p>Jax looked up into Tara's broken hearted eyes as she pulled her hands from his. He watched confused as she stood from the table, but when she walked around to him, he pushed his chair out and held his arms open for her. Tara quickly moved forward and took a seat in his lap, straddling him and burying herself in his embrace. Jax could feel the warm wetness of her tears on his neck as they fell freely. They were silent, both at a loss for words, as they clung to each other. Jax's embrace was unyielding as he held his whole world in his arms and prepared himself to say goodbye to her again. But not tonight, no tonight would be theirs.<p>

"It's late, let's go to bed." Jax whispered as his arms tightened around her momentarily before lifting her off of his lap and standing. Jax took Tara's hand and led her down the hall to their bedroom. Closing the door behind them Jax turned to Tara and felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. The tears were streaming down her face, her hands shaking and her breath coming in heavy, forced pants. She was the personification of a broken heart and it killed him to see her in so much pain.

Jax moved quickly to pull Tara into his arms. He stood strong and silent, his arms holding her tightly against his chest, as Tara cried a million tears that he himself wanted to shed. When he felt her calm and the tears lessen, Jax pulled away and looked into her red, swollen eyes. Even like this, or maybe even especially like this, she was beyond beautiful. The most breathtaking creature in existence, and she loved him. He didn't know how or why, but she loved him. The urge to kiss her was overwhelming and knowing what was to come it was an urge he wouldn't deny himself. He needed to catalogue her kisses, keep a mental dictionary of them all, because he didn't know how long he'd go without them. He started with a gently sweep of his lips against hers. Soft and tender, just a light brush of a kiss. But it wasn't enough; it wasn't enough to sustain him for however long this separation would last. He needed more.

Gently, Jax removed the top she wore, his hands moving with practiced ease and gentle caresses to divest her of her clothing. When she stood naked before him, Tara moved to undress him. It felt like surrendering, her hands claiming ownership of him as she removed his clothing, just as his hands had of her. But there had been no battle, no war forged, the moment he'd laid eyes on her all those years ago, she'd owned him completely.

The air around them was surprisingly and languid as they crawled into bed. Tara waited and watched while he positioned himself in the centre then climbed into his lap. She lay her forehead against his and let her eyes drift closed as his hands ran up and down the length of her back. Without a word, without coaxing or hints, Tara rose up slightly and lowered herself onto his erection with a shuddering breath. She didn't move any further for a moment, nor did he want her to, she just sat in his lap surrounded by his arms while she surrounded him.

When Tara finally rolled her hips lightly against his they both gasped at the intensity of the sensation. It had never felt quite like this. They both felt it, and it broke their hearts even further. It felt like goodbye, despite the fact that neither one was willing to say it. Tara buried her face in Jax's neck while his hands roamed all over her naked back in an attempt to touch all of her at once.

"You know that I don't want to leave right?" Tara whispered on a sob and Jax released his hold on her, stilling her gently rocking hips and pulling back enough to look into her eyes. Cupping her face in his hands he tried in vain to brush the tears from her cheeks, but more and more fell to take their place.

"I know that babe. I know what you're doing and why, and this is not goodbye. We will be together again soon. You, me and the boys. We will be a family. I swear it; I will not lose you again." Jax's lips came down on Tara's hard, their mouths battling in an almost ferocious kiss as Tara resumed the gentle rocking of her hips against his. Jax's hands dropped to her hips, holding her tightly yet gently. The pads of his fingers rubbing the soft skin almost reverently.

"This is not goodbye. This is not goodbye." Tara panted as she tore her lips from his to suck in much needed air.

"Never. You and me babe. We're meant to be together. To grow old together. I'm not going to let anyone stop that from happening." Jax vowed not only to her but to the fates, to heaven, to the world, to whatever else existed in this and any other life. He would not let this be the end of them; he'd fought too hard to lose everything that mattered to him now. Come what may, he would fight everything the world threw at him to keep her in his arms.

"Promise me... Promise me that you'll come for me, for us." Her voice was pleading, the fear unmistakable. She didn't want to leave, was terrified that it would be forever, when all she wanted in the world was the fantasy he'd promised her the day he proposed. Jax hated that Tara had to go through this. Hated that his world was forcing them apart yet again. Too many times they'd been separated but neither one was willing to give in. They'd both fight for their relationship, for their family and for the happily ever after the world was trying to deny them.

Jax looked deep into her eyes, into the heartbreaking depths of her heart and vowed, like he would a million times. It was the truth, it was real, and it was the biggest battle of his life that he refused to lose. "I promise. I will not leave you behind again."

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><p><strong>I wrote this last week, after the episode aired. I wasn't sure about posting it though after discovering that norrific had tackled the same topic. But since our stories are both pretty different, I thought it was safe. I love hers, so check it out if you haven't already. :D <strong>

**I cannot believe that I'm posting chapter _50_. That's... incredible. You guys are incredible. I really never thought I would write more than 20 chapters when I started this, and even that seemed optimistic. So this has surpassed any and all expectations I ever had. I want to thank you all for this amazing ride. But don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. As long as my muse keeps visiting, and you all keep reading, I'll keep writing. :D**

**Thank you all so much. And I'll see you in 20 reviews. **

**xx Ally**


	51. Payphone

**51.**

**Setting: Payphone**

**Rating: T**

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><p>Jax opened his eyes to the cold white ceiling of the prison infirmary. It took a second for his brain to catch up to his surroundings and understand where he was and why. But then it all came rushing back to him. Standing in line at the phones, the knife slicing through his body, lying bleeding on the floor and finally waking up to the doctors buzzing around him. The same woman who had been there when he'd awoken the first time appeared beside him.<p>

"Welcome back Mr. Teller." She answered in a voice far too perky for the current situation.

"How long was I out?" Jax whispered, his voice croaky and his throat burning painfully.

"About 12 hours. Water?"

"Please." Jax croaked, his throat was on fire, the dryness in his mouth almost suffocating.

"You're a very lucky man."

"So you said."

"Good, you remember our little conversation. How's the pain?"

"Not too bad." Jax answered and tried not to cringe at the pain he felt when he shifted only slightly. His hand immediately flew up to touch the bandages that covered a huge portion of his naked chest. He couldn't help the relief he felt however at knowing that whatever scarring he'd have it wasn't obscuring his Abel tattoo. No, it remained untouched.

"Good, you can have some more pain killers in a couple of hours. Your family has been notified."

"What?" Jax asked, his head snapping to the right to look at the doctor and swimming at the sudden movement.

"It's procedure. Your next of kin was called."

"Oh Christ." Jax groaned. His family would be freaking out. This was the last thing Tara needed right now. She already had so much on her plate; looking after Abel, the hospital, his mother, Teller-Morrow and their baby inside her. She didn't need this stress, the baby didn't need it. Somehow he'd managed to cause her even more pain and heartache. His eyes squeezed shut as his mind was filled with the image of his girl, his strong girl, who now had one more thing to overcome.

"Someone really seems to care about you."

"What"? The doctor's voice pulled him from his thoughts and this time he turned his head slowly to look at her.

"Well there's some woman in the Warden's office, she's been there for a couple hours. She refuses to leave until he allows her to see you."

"Sounds like my Mom." Jax moaned closing his eyes again.

"I don't think so. She looks too young." The doctor noted as she continued to scribble on the chart in her hand. She hadn't even looked up at him the whole time they'd been talking. Apparently decent bedside manner was reserved for people in an actual hospital; prison inmates didn't get the pleasure. Not even half-dead inmates.

"Yeah, she had me young." Jax noted offhandedly before his brain seemed to catch up with him. His mother. It couldn't be his mother. She was at home on house arrest. There's no way she could get to the prison, she couldn't even leave the front yard. It couldn't be Lyla; she wasn't the type to kick up that much of a fuss over anything, certainly not him. And though he could imagine some of the crow eaters that hung around the club being that forceful, all of them new better than to step into Tara's territory. So who the hell was at Stockton Prison riding the damn warden?

"Yeah. I still don't think so. They called me up there to inform her of your condition face to face. She's definitely too young to be your mom. A doctor too." The doctor finally looked up at Jax as the shock registered on his face.

"What?" He couldn't have heard her right. There was no way.

"She's a doctor. And pregnant, that was pretty obvious."

"Tara." Jax murmured in awe. His girl, his beautiful strong, stubborn girl. She had driven the two hours up to Stockton while pregnant and was now laying into the warden. He couldn't help but smile, he could picture the look on her face, the stance she'd take as she took on the head of the prison. When Tara was like this she was a force to be reckoned with, hell, he was surprised the warden was still standing.

"That was it, Doctor Tara Knowles. So who is she to you that she's in there making the warden shiver?" The doctor, he really should learn her name, smirked and Jax couldn't help but smile back at her.

"She's my girl. And that's my kid." Jax stated proudly. His girl, his amazing, wonderful, resilient girl.

"Well, you're a very lucky man. She's very persistent; it looked like the Warden was actually going to give in."

"Doctor Jameson?" A voice from the door asked and Jax closed his eyes, his mind swimming with thoughts of Tara, the smile etched on his face as he pictured her in her fighting stance.

"Yes Warden."

"Is the prisoner awake?" The warden's voice barely even registered to Jax as he drifted happily in thoughts of his Tara.

"The patient is, yes."

"Jax?" Tara's voice rang like music through the room and Jax couldn't help the tear that came to his eye at hearing it. He'd been scared for a while there that he'd never hear that beautiful voice again. Never hear her whisper his name, or even shout it in anger. Never see Tara's beautiful face smiling at him, or rolling her eyes at some stupid joke he made. Never feel her touch. He was afraid that it was all over before they really had a chance to begin. But it wasn't, he was here, breathing. They hadn't taken him out, and now she was running towards him.

"Tara?" He whispered as she appeared at his bedside and took his hand in hers gently.

"Oh god baby." Tara whispered, the fear evident in her voice as her eyes scanned his body quickly. Her hands abandoned his to run gently over his bandages and inspect him with the critical eye of a surgeon.

"It's ok babe. I'm ok." Jax reached up to cup her face, he hated hearing that fear in her voice, that worry and heartbreak.

"I was so scared." The tears ran unchecked down her cheeks, her hand rising to cover his. He could feel the warmth of the tears as they touched his hand. He wanted to take them all away. For her to never feel anything but happiness for the rest of their days. He hated putting her through this.

"I know, I'm so sorry." He whispered his mind and heart rejoicing as she leaned forward and claimed his lips in a gentle but powerful kiss. He couldn't help but smile when he felt her baby bumb nudge up against his arm as she leant over him. His hand stretched out and rubbed the swell gently.

"I love you." She whispered and Jax felt strong, weightless. The pain seemed to vanish from his body, replaced by the warmth that always flooded him whenever she whispered those three beautiful words to him. He loved her so much. More than he could ever say. He'd searched for the words a thousand times, and always came up lacking. He doubted they existed, in this or any other language, to describe the depth of his love for her. And even though they seemed too small, seemed too insignificant he would always repeat those inadequate words, every single day for the rest of his life.

"I love you."

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><p><strong>Now, I know this isn't likely as prison rules are very strict, but come on, isn't it just too fucking adorable to imagine an irate pregnant Tara demanding access to Jax? It had to be written. :D<strong>

**Thank you all so much. And I'll see you in 20.**

**Xx Ally**


	52. Hands

**52.**

**Setting: Season 4, Episode 10 "Hands"**

**Rating: T**

**Big thanks again to Phoenix for her help. She's become my backbone lately and I don't know how I'd write without her. So thank you honey. :D**

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><p>He was sitting in the waiting room, his head in his hands as he rested his elbows on his knees. It was 2am and the hospital was relatively quiet. He was the only person in the room, and the only visitor left on the floor. He should have gone home hours ago, visiting hours had long since expired and she'd stopped letting him in the room not long after. He had probably been sitting there waiting for hours. He should have gone home, but instead he waited. If nothing else, he was persistent.<p>

"Don't you think it's time you let her go?" Margaret Murphy's voice whispered in the still room as she stood in front of the hunched form of Jax Teller. She'd been considering, thinking and trying to get the nerve to speak to him for the last two hours.

"What?" His voice sounded croaky, husky, from misuse and she realised he'd been sitting there in silence for god only knows how long. His fingers raked through his short hair, but he didn't raise his head.

"How much pain can one person take? Enough is enough." She was angry, and it sounded in her voice. This man that Tara seemed completely incapable of walking away from had caused more pain to the young surgeon than she should have ever had to endure. She was angry alright, she was livid. But when Jax Teller raised his head to finally look at her, Margaret was stunned. His eyes were rimmed red, glassy from the tears he'd been crying, and even she could see that his heart was breaking. She swallowed thickly; she hadn't counted on this, and steeled her reserve. She wouldn't let his pretty face and hurting eyes get to her. She would speak her piece and she would make him listen. But as he looked upon her face she watched as steely determination and even outrage filled those pained blue eyes.

"I know you don't like me, or my club, and you're right about the club. You are. That's why we're leaving soon; plan has been set in motion for weeks. But you need to understand something. I love Tara more than anything in the world. I would do anything for her. Anything to take her pain away. She is my girl, my whole world. Whatever you may think about me, my love for Tara is pure and real." His voice still raw from the tears he'd cried was filled with more conviction in his soft spoken words than Margaret had ever heard in her life. She had to stop him, because as much as she hated to admit it, she was in danger of falling for his pretty lines. But as she opened her mouth to speak, he raised a hand to halt her. She waited for him to continue with bated breath and an uneasy feeling in her stomach she couldn't identify.

"I've loved her my whole life. I don't remember a time when I didn't. We spent ten years apart and that love didn't fade. It actually grew stronger, better. I would give up everything for her. My life. But don't you tell me it's time or it's enough, cause it will never be enough. I will never have enough time with her. Not if we live to be a hundred, it still won't be enough." His words became fierce and his eyes blazed as he gazed upon her. But she could see that she wasn't a threat to him, that he didn't view her as a problem or even someone he needed to convince. She could see clearly that Jax Teller was simply stating the facts of his love for Tara. With no ulterior motive and no form of attack. And yet she could also see a primal instinct in him as strong as anything she'd ever seen before, the instinct to protect. He was like a lion ready to pounce and roar. He was growling a warning to her. And the warning was clear; he would not allow her to be a voice in Tara's ear that caused her more suffering.

"You wanna fight me? Try to get in my head and push me away from her and out of her life? It's not going to happen. Tara and our kids are the only things that matter to me. I would take on the world for them, you would be a breeze. Tara likes you, so please, don't be something that we have to overcome, because we will." There was no doubt in his voice or his gaze and she believed him. For a moment was even afraid of him. Margaret knew without a shadow of a doubt that both Tara and Jax would walk right over her to get to each other and that was something that frightened her.

She'd thought that she knew what they had, knew what their connection to each other was. But now she realised that she'd completely misjudged them. She still felt certain that Tara was better off without him; that Jax would only bring more suffering into her life, but she now could see that this was no adolescent bond that tied these two people together. No, what they had was real and true love. Something that Margaret had only glimpsed in her own life but never experienced to the depths that these two young people clearly had.

"I can see you love her, but can't you see the pain your life and your world have brought her? Can't you see that she is better off and safer away from you?" She had to try, even if she knew she would not succeed, she still believed that this man didn't truly understand what he was putting his love through.

Jax stood from the chair, rising himself to his full height before her and Margaret took a step back despite the fact that she knew he would not physically harm her.

"You think I like this? You think I want her hurt?" A tear slipped from his eye and Margaret had to fight the urge to reach out and brush it away. He was clearly hurting and there was something about this man that caused something in her to awaken. It wasn't a sexual thing, more of a... motherly instinct. The thought disturbed her more than she cared to admit that she wanted to shield this man from pain. There was something about seeing this strong, fierce man crying that almost brought her to her knees.

"I would do anything to prevent harm from coming to her. Take on all the pain in the world, so she wouldn't have to feel it. I would mess up both my hands, my legs, every part of my body so she could have her hand back. I would do anything for her. Anything." He almost growled and Margaret was horrified at the tears that welled in her own eyes at the sight of his deep heartache.

He lowered his voice and leaned towards her slightly. "And I would search the world for the bastards that did this to her just so I could bring her their heads." His low, deep voice sounded like a roaring lion and in that moment Margaret Murphy was more frightened of Jackson Teller than she'd ever been of any man in her life. Because she knew this was only a mere glimpse at the violence this man was capable of in the name of Tara Knowles. She didn't doubt that Jax could and would kill anyone who hurt his girl. And despite the fact that it frightened her, and she knew that it should, there was some part of her that was proud. For in that moment Margaret finally felt Jax Teller worthy of Tara Knowles.

Margaret nodded briefly as she continued to hold his gaze. She would never admit aloud that she was proud of herself for never flinching away from it or him. Because she knew that there were men who shied away from the big man in front of her, but she was a woman that did not. Margaret didn't doubt that they had good reason to shy away from this man and all he was capable of. But seeing him tonight, broken and hurting for the woman he loved, she saw a side of him she suspected few ever did. She saw the side of him Tara always had.

"Now, I'm going to go sit with my fiancée and pray to whatever god is listening that she forgives me." And that was when Margaret saw the fear in his eyes. She stepped aside as he walked straight past her and out of the room. She stood silently for a moment before following him. The door was still open slightly as she came upon Tara's room and could see inside. She could see Jax sitting beside Tara's bed, her left hand held gently in between both of his. She could see the tears swimming in his eyes as he gazed upon her sleeping face. But more than anything she could see the love, the overwhelming and powerful love that he had for his girl. She'd never seen a man look at a woman like that before. Never seen such devotion. She didn't doubt any of the things she'd told him this night, or that he would follow through on his promises. He was different, just like Tara had always claimed. He wasn't defined by the motorcycle club he was a part of. No, he was defined by the woman who held his heart entirely and the love he had for her and their children. And that was when Margaret Murphy was certain that Jackson Teller was good for Tara Knowles.

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><p><strong>Ok, there it is, last chapter before the next episode. I'm accepting requests again guys. So review and let me know what you'd like me to write next. <strong>

**Hope you enjoyed it, and I'll see you in 20. **

**xx Ally**


	53. Late Night, Early Morning

**53.**

**Setting: Season 4, approximately episode 3.**

**Rating: T**

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><p>Jax woke confused and turned to look at the clock on the nightstand. 3am. It was too early to be awake, so what the hell could have woken him this early? His eyes drifted shut as his sleep addled brain tried to focus. He was still basking in the wonderful dream he'd been having of him, Tara and their boys down at big surr, enjoying the beach and the peace. Away from the club and Charming and all the bullshit his life seemed to invite in, they'd been having a wonderful day. Pity it was just a dream. He was annoyed that it had been interrupted. He'd been waking up early ever since he got out of prison, his body still programmed for the early rises that the prison 'insisted' upon. But 3am was too early, even for his usual 5:30am starts.<p>

He'd actually been enjoying waking up earlier than the rest of the house, as crazy as that may sound. But it gave him an opportunity he wouldn't normally have. In the still and quiet of the morning he could lay in his warm, comfortable bed enjoying the feel of Tara in his arms, her scent surrounding him and the soft sounds of her calm breaths filling the room. He could watch her, just gaze upon her peaceful, beautiful face. The face that filled his dreams, that occupied his thoughts, the face that meant love, trust, beauty and home. He could look at her without anyone questioning or watching or even giving him shit. Other days, he'd gently pull away from her, slide out of bed and sneak into Thomas's nursery. He'd sit in the rocker, like he had a hundred times with Abel, and watch their beautiful boy sleep. His little chest rising and falling. His gorgeous little face that was the perfect mix of both him and Tara. Their little miracle. He loved him so much and he hated missing out on so much while he was away, but in the dull light of the morning, with the sun rising on the other side of the blinds it was just Jax and his boy.

With a deep sigh Jax shivered as the slight breeze wafted through the slightly cracked window and blew across his chest, and finally his brain caught up and he realised what had woken him so early. He was cold, he was cold because the deliciously warm weight of Tara's arm slung across his chest and her head on his shoulder, was missing. He turned quickly to the left, to Tara's side of the bed with panic rising in his throat. But as soon as his gaze settled he couldn't stop the smile that lit up his face.

His confusion at the absence of Tara from his side had disoriented him. They'd slept wrapped around each other every single night they'd shared a bed. And waking up without her in his arms when they'd fallen asleep together had upset him more than he'd ever admit. Despite the fact that Jax knew, knew without a shadow of a doubt, that Tara would never leave him again, there was still a lingering fear, however slight, that one day he'd wake up and she'd be gone. But with the fog of sleep lifted from his mind, Jax was able to think clearly. So when he'd looked over to the other side of the bed he expected to see Tara there, however he hadn't expected to see their son. Abel was lying between them, curled up against Tara. His little face was buried in her neck as his head rested on her shoulder. Abel's arm was slung over Tara's chest, his hand fisting the material of her t-shirt over her shoulder, his t-shirt actually. Tara's right hand was cradling Abel's head, her left covering his hand on her shoulder, and they were both fast asleep. It was one of the most beautiful things Jax had ever seen. He scooted the couple inches over on the bed that brought him into contact with them and placed a gentle kiss on Abel's head before draping his arm over them both and resting his hand over Tara's on Abel's. Breathing in the combined scent of his son and the love of his life, Jax settled down, closed his eyes and fell asleep with two thirds of his world in his arms.

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><p><strong>Hi everyone, <strong>

**I can't believe that 3 weeks have passed since I've updated. I'm so sorry, and please don't think that I've abandoned the fic. I absolutely have not! I have just had no time what so ever in my RL to write or even come online for a browse. So I apologise for the huge delay and I thank everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I will reply individually tomorrow. Until then, I hope you enjoy this chapter. A little bit of fluff for you all. **

**Love you all, **

**xx Ally**


	54. Home

**Chapter 54**

**Setting: Season 3, Episode 4**

**Rating: T**

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><p>They had been riding for about 3 hours when they pulled into a gas station in the middle of god only knows where. Tara had held on to Jax out of necessity not want or need. They'd been so distant since Abel... it was getting worse. She'd just swung her leg over the back of the bike and stood straight when she and Jax were approached by Clay.<p>

"Doc, I need a favour." He'd asked quietly. Tara had looked to Jax out of habit and saw some form of understanding on his face as he looked at his step father. Tara nodded and followed both men to the bathrooms. If you could really call the little hole in the wall a bathroom. It was a toilet and a sink, nothing more. Tara was quiet as she watched Clay struggle to remove a small pouch from inside his jacket. When he seemed to be in extreme pain as he failed to grasp the zipper Tara gently took it from his hands and opened it. She wasn't surprised to find the syringe and vial inside it. Without a word she injected his heavily arthritic hands and watched as he sighed with relief and the pain faded from his face.

"Thanks Doc." Clay muttered as Tara put everything away and handed it to the older man. She watched him walk to the door, where Jax had been leaning during the entire process. Clay slapped Jax on the shoulder and walked out of sight.

"You coming?" Jax grunted. His voice wasn't exactly filled with anger or disdain, but there was no kindness or affection either. It was the only voice she'd heard from him since... Tara shook her head and motioned to the toilet. She was aware she hadn't spoken a single word since they left the home that would be Nate's new address, but she had a million things running through her mind and no words to say them with. Jax nodded and closed the door behind him as he left.

Tara wasn't sure how long she stood there staring at the closed door. Couldn't have been more than a few minutes. But as she felt the tears stream down her face she finally turned away from it. There was a crummy mirror above the sink. The edges were wearing off and there was a crack along the bottom, but it was still clear enough that she could see her own dead eyes staring back at her, the tears staining her cheeks and the wobble in her chin before the sobs began to wrack her body. She took hold of the sink and let them come, let them take over and possess her. She needed this, needed to cry for all she was worth; for all that she'd lost and would never have again.

Tara tried to calm herself down after a few minutes. The sobs were making her body ache, and she knew that crying like this wasn't good for the... She couldn't even bring herself to think the allow herself to acknowledge what was growing inside her, what they had created. Abruptly her stomach lurched and Tara threw herself down on the disgusting tiled floor in front of the toilet and threw up everything she had in her body, as little as it was it didn't take long to dispel and for a few minutes she was merely dry retching. The ache in her body the sobbing had caused had nothing on the pain that was ripping through her now. Just as she thought that this last heave might be the last a fist pounded on the door.

"Occupied" Tara called out with a weak voice as yet another retch rocked her body.

"Tara. Hurry up, we're ready to go." Jax called. Tara sighed and closed her eyes against the tears that welled in her eyes. She wanted to go out there and yell and scream at him. To pound her fists into his chest, to tell him that she wasn't going anywhere with him, that she was done. Her feet were itching to run and if it wasn't for the little bean inside her she couldn't honestly say that she wouldn't have run already. A part of her really wanted to rip the door open and scream at him that he was just going to have to wait until the baby he'd put inside her was done wreaking havoc with her stomach. But instead she wiped her eyes and called out that she was on her way.

Tara dragged herself off the floor and over to the sink. Splashing water on her face and trying like hell to hide the signs of her tears she took a deep breath and opened the door.

Jax walked up to the door annoyed. The guys were all ready to leave and Tara still hadn't come out of the bathroom. She was making them all wait, holding them all up, and it was embarrassing him. He was shaking his head as he stomped up to the door, but as he raised his fist to the door he stopped. He could hear her in there. The distinct sound of retching and the weak sobs that followed every heave. She was sick. A part of himself that had been cut off, dead, for the last couple of weeks awakened and he had the urge to burst down the door, take her into his arms and take care of her. But the memories of all he'd done and everything he'd said kept him rooted to the spot. He wasn't that guy anymore and he couldn't be. He was doing this for her own good. Stealing himself against the truth he'd convinced himself of, Jax raised his hand and pounded on the door.

When Tara's voice called out that she was on her way, Jax was all prepared to turn and walk back to the bike, to wait for her there. But he stopped, he knew Tara, knew that by the time she'd made it to where the bikes were parked that she will have pulled herself together and there would be no signs of anything being amiss with her and Jax needed to see the truth in her eyes before she could build that wall up.

The door creaked open and if Tara was surprised to see him standing there waiting for her she didn't show it. But what he could see was the deep red around her eyes that told him she'd been crying for a while. Saw the ghostly pale skin of her face tinged slightly green that evidenced her sickness. Saw the defeat and fatigue in her eyes. Again he wanted to reach out for her, wrap her in his arms and tell her everything was going to be ok. But everything was not ok, and it wouldn't be ok, and he wouldn't have her become Donna. He wouldn't hold her bloody and lifeless body like Opie had held Donna's. He couldn't and wouldn't allow that to happen. They stood there staring at each other for a few minutes before Jax looked away.

"Come on. The guys are waiting." Jax muttered. Looking back up at Tara he could see her nodding slightly, her eyes cast at the ground and her hands shaking slightly. Jax forced himself to turn away, to move forward and toward the bikes. He could hear her soft footfalls behind him and without turning back to her he climbed on his bike and held out the helmet to her. Tara took it gently from his hands without a word and climbed back on the bike hesitantly. He waited while she did up the helmet and waited for her to slip her arms around his waist. He heard the click of the helmet fastening but then nothing. She didn't reach for him, didn't touch him, didn't even move. With a sigh Jax reached behind himself and found her hands resting in her lap. He took hold of them and pulled them around his waist. He could feel how stiff her body was, she was like a board against his back, trying not to touch him. Shaking his head slightly and releasing a deep sigh Jax started the bike and headed back out on the road.

Tara allowed Jax to pull her arms around him. She wasn't being difficult by refusing to do it herself. She wasn't trying to make a point or start a fight. She simply didn't have the energy. It had taken everything she had to follow wordlessly behind him as they walked over to his bike when all she wanted to do was stop. She wanted to stand her ground and tell him to leave without her. She wanted to watch him ride away and allow the sobs and pain to take over her body like they'd been trying to do for the last few weeks. She wanted her life back. When she'd sat on the bike, she'd tried to make her body do what it was supposed to. She really had. But by the time she got the helmet clicked into place she'd lost the last bit of energy she had and her hands had fallen listlessly into her lap. When Jax had grabbed them and pulled her arms around his body she had to physically stop herself from jerking away from him. It wasn't that she didn't want him, want to be with him, to hold him and love him. No, she still wanted that more than anything in the world. But this wasn't her Jax. Her Jax had been left behind on a dock staring at a quickly disappearing boat.

Tara knew that things were bad. Beyond bad, they were dismal. She knew that when they got back to Charming that something had to change. That something had to be done. Her running shoes were calling her, but that option wasn't viable anymore. The quickly growing bun inside her had eliminated that option. But she couldn't see a way in which she could stay either. He hated her. As much as that killed her to even admit, it was the truth. Jax hated her and her heart was shattered.

Tara was aware of the stiffness in her body, aware that if they had an accident right now, the way she was, she'd break every bone in her body. But she couldn't bring herself to care, nor could she force her body to relax. Her hands gripped the other tightly, trying not to touch Jax and her head, which usually rested against his shoulder, was tilted back and away. Her completely unnecessary sunglasses in the setting sunlight hid the tears that welled in her eyes as her mind whirled with a thousand thoughts each more terrible than the last. She had decisions to make and no idea what to do. But she had about 150 miles in front of them to figure it out. All she knew for sure, was that this hurt that had been overwhelming her from the moment that Irish bastard ripped her son out of her arms was about to engulf her and she didn't know what would be left of her once it did.

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><p><strong>Ok, So I know I've been absent. And I'm really sorry about that. But with the show being off for a while and everything, my attention has been elsewhere. I will continue to post on and off until season 5 starts, but only as inspiration hits me. I'm not going to force myself to write something when my heart's not in it, and I don't think you guys want me to do that either. <strong>

**So, add the story to your alerts if you haven't already, so you can be alerted when I update. Thank you to everyone for reviewing. I promise I will get around to replying eventually, but I'm also really time poor these days. **

**To all my girls at the forum, I'm sorry I've been MIA and I promise I am trying to get back to you guys asap. **

**Love to you all, and please, stick with me. When Season 5 rolls round, I'm going to be updating as regularly as I was during season 4. **

**xx Ally**


	55. Season 4 Home from the Hospital

**55.**

**Setting: Season 4, Just after Tara's return home from Hospital.**

**Rating: M**

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><p>He stood in the hall watching her. Tara was staring at the shower, not moving, not even blinking. Jax didn't know how long he leaned against the wall just watching her, but when he pushed off and headed towards the bathroom he knew he'd barely glimpsed the amount of time Tara had been standing vigil in the bathroom.<p>

He'd made it two steps when he saw the first sign of movement. It stopped him in his tracks as her left hand rose to cover her mouth, a second before her shoulders started to shake. He was in front of her, pulling her into his arms before he'd even registered that he'd taken a step.

"Baby, what's happening?" He asked softly as he held her gently against his chest, careful of her casted arm.

"I want to take a shower. But..." She trailed off as a sob wracked her body. He waited for her to continue, his hand running up and down her back as the other tangled in her hair. "I can't wash my hair, or my body, or even get my clothes off on my own." She whispered.

"It's ok baby. That's what I'm here for." Jax answered as he pulled away enough to look into her eyes.

"How Jax? How? In the hospital they gave me sponge baths and sent me down to the salon for my hair. There's no salon here and I can't get this arm wet." Tara gestured to her damaged hand dangling in the sling around her neck. She'd only been home a day and a half; the nurse's sponge bathed her in the morning before she left the hospital yesterday so this was the first time the shower situation had come up.

"I got it covered babe. Wait here just a sec."

Tara stood in the bathroom wiping the tears from her eyes as Jax ran off in the direction of the living room. He was back in front of her a moment later with a triumphant smile on his face. Like a little boy who'd done something right Jax pulled something from behind his back and held it in front of her face.

"What is that?" Tara asked as she squinted at the strange contraption. It looked like a hand held shower.

"It goes on any tap and turns it into a shower. See, the hose connects here." Jax answered pointing at one end of the hose; on the other was what looked like a shower head. "We'll bring a chair in here, you can sit back against the sink and I'll wash your hair. Just like a salon." Jax smirked at her.

"How did you think of this?" Tara asked still in shock at what she was looking at. Of all the things for Jax Teller to present her with, this was by far the strangest.

"I asked one of the nurses what I could do to make life easier on you when you came home, this was one of her suggestions. I didn't know where to get it though so I asked Floyd, he ordered it in special."

"You did this for me?" Tara asked in awe, her bad-ass biker was asking about hairdressing supplies to try and help her, to make life just that little bit easier in a bad situation. She fell in love with him all over again in that moment.

"I'd do anything for you Tara." He whispered and the conviction in his voice brought tears to her eyes. Jax pulled her back into his arms, holding her head gently against his chest.

"What about showering though?" Tara asked, her voice muffled against his shirt.

"Giving you a sponge bath is not exactly a hardship for me babe. In fact, it'll fulfil a fantasy."

Tara couldn't help but smile at his cheeky comment. "Anything to get me naked, huh?"

"Absolutely. It's my mission in life. But speaking of getting you naked... Who exactly gave you those sponge baths?" Jax as he pulled away to look at her smirking face. It wasn't a smile, but it was something.

"It was a woman, don't worry."

"Good, I would hate to have to kick the ass of some little male nurse or some shit." Jax smiled before leaning in to kiss her gently. "Come on baby, let's get you clean." Jax whispered with a leer as he reached for her belt buckle.

"Why does that sound so dirty coming from you?"

"It's not me babe, you're the one that needs cleaning." Jax smirked as he unzipped her jeans before running the water in the bathtub. Turning back to Tara, Jax lifted her into his arms, walked into the bedroom and deposited her on the bed. "Can't have you falling, now can we?" He smiled as he went about removing all her clothes. A tear dropped from her eye as he took such great care removing her tank top and bra, handling her hand like it was the finest crystal. When she was completely naked, Jax quickly stripped down to his boxer shorts and carried her back into the bathroom.

"I could have walked in here Jax." Tara smiled softly.

"Let me take care of you baby. I need to take care of you." Jax whispered and Tara looked up to see the overwhelming guilt in his eyes. He blamed himself for this, but she never had. Tara cupped his cheek gently, running her thumb along his cheekbone. This was never his fault, she knew that, and had never held him responsible.

Jax leaned over the tub to check the temperature before turning off the taps. He took hold of her good hand and under her bad arm and helped Tara step into the tub, keeping a tight hold on her as she lowered her body into the water. Jax grabbed a towel and folded it into the perfect cushion to prop up her arm on the side of the tub.

"Scoot forward babe." Jax whispered as he pushed his boxer shorts down his hips. Tara watched as he stepped into the tub behind her and pulled her into his arms, her back against his chest, and her head on his shoulder.

For a long moment they just lay in the warm water, Tara enjoying the solid strength of Jax's arms around her and his body behind her. Her whole body was engulfed in his and for the first time in days she felt truly safe.

"I love you so much." Jax whispered against her ear right before placing a tender kiss beneath it.

"I love you too." Tara whispered before a shudder ran through her body caused by the gentle caress of Jax's hands running down her neck, over her breast, brushing her nipples and sliding down her stomach to rest on her thighs.

Despite everything her body still reacted to his and the small quirk of his mouth, pressed against her neck, let her know that Jax was aware of the tingling that was starting in her lower abdomen.

"Let me make you feel good?" Jax asked in a voice so soft Tara almost missed it. She knew he was asking, not demanding, knew he meant to only give her pleasure, not taking any of his own and she knew that if she told him no, he would stop without another word. When she nodded softly, his amazing hands smoothed down her naked thighs before sliding back up and around to slip between them. At the first touch of his fingers to her sensitive flesh Tara couldn't hold back the moan that fell from her lips. Her body was more urgent for this than she had realised, more needy, and his expert fingers knew just where and how to touch to have her quivering in his arms.

"Jax." Tara gasped when he slipped one of those long, strong digits inside her.

"That's it baby. Just relax and let me make you feel good. So good baby." Jax whispered as his mouth kissed, sucked and nipped at the delicate skin behind her ear.

Jax always knew just what to do and when to do it. Whether he was using his hands, his mouth or his body. He knew how to take her to impossible heights and bring her down with a gentle landing. This was no exception. Minutes later when she lay panting in his arms, her limbs useless and limp, Jax picked up the clean washcloth off the side of the tub and started to softly clean her whole body.

He washed her hair, and used his new gadget to rinse it. And by the time he was finished, Tara could barely keep her eyes open. Gently and carefully, Jax positioned Tara so he could step out of the tub. He wrapped a towel around his waist and lifted her out of the tub. Wrapping her in the softest towel they owned he carried her to their room. Tara watched with drooping eyes as he dried every last inch of her skin. She never said a word as he slipped a pair of panties up her legs and into position. She stayed quiet as he helped her into her favourite tank. And her eyes never left his face as he lay her down in bed, placing a spare pillow under her broken hand. When he tried to stand up, Tara stopped him with a gentle hand on his cheek.

Jax looked into the warm eyes he knew so well, that he dreamed about almost nightly, that were his safe place and his paradise but had been so filled with sadness the last few days. But not right now, not tonight. No, tonight he saw nothing but amazement and love. He covered her hand on his cheek with his own. Tangling their fingers together. And leaned down to gently brush her lips with his.

"Never doubt how much I love you, please." Jax's voice was pleading as Tara's eyes filled with tears.

"Never baby. Never." How could she ever doubt when he touched her like she was the most precious thing in the world? When he looked at her like she was his world? When he kissed her like he was amazed that he was allowed to? When he cared for her, protected her, loved her like no one ever had before?

Jax slipped out of her reach and pulled on a pair of boxers before climbing into bed. He manoeuvred his body as close to Tara's as he could possibly get and carefully slipped his arms around her. Together they closed their eyes and let the world, bad hands, and cartels drift away for as long as sleep would take them.

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><p><strong>Hey guys, I'm back. :D <strong>

**Hope you're all still with me. At this point I'm looking to post a new chapter every week. That's the plan anyway. We'll see how it goes. The last two episodes haven't given me much to work with yet. We're seeing almost everything, but once I watch them a couple more times, hopefully inspiration will strike. **

**If you have any requests, let me know. :D **

**Love you all and I'm so pleased to be back, I hope you guys are still following, will still review and my long hiatus hasn't driven you away. **

**xoxo**


	56. Season 5, Episode 2

**56.**

**Rating: T**

**Setting: Season 5, Episode 2.**

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><p>Tara watched the taillights as the van carrying Jax, Opie, Tig and Chibbs drove slowly out of the compound with tears in her eyes. That may very well be the last time she will ever see him alive. She didn't want to think about that, to have such toxic thoughts enter her mind right now because she simply could not believe that to be true. He was coming home. He had to. It was as simple, and as complicated as that. When Bobby came up beside her and slipped his arm around her waist she had to swallow hard to stop the tears from falling. Instead, she put her arm around his shoulder and let him lead her into the clubhouse, taking the comfort he was offering.<p>

Tara let Bobby lead her to a table and sat down when Happy pulled the chair out for her. She smiled at both men as they joined her.

"It's going to be alright sweetheart. I promise." Bobby whispered as he took her hand.

"I know. I know you guys will do everything you can to protect him." She tried to smile but feared it looked more like a grimace.

"I do have some bad news for you though." Bobby smirked slightly so Tara figured it couldn't actually be bad news, just unpleasant.

"What?" She drew the word out and looked between Bobby and Happy who were now smirking at each other on either side of her.

"You're stuck with us two now. Hope that couch of yours is comfy." Bobby smiled and Tara couldn't help but laugh.

"Both of you huh?" She looked at both men and smiled as they nodded their heads like little boys. These two grown, bad-ass bikers. The ridiculousness of the situation was not lost on her and she couldn't help but laugh. "Alright then, which one of you is going to squeeze into Abel's toddler bed?"

The guys looked at each other and Tara knew that there would be some masculine way of deciding this but right now, all she could do was laugh. Glancing at her watch though she couldn't ignore the time. She had to get home to her boys. Her babies.

"Come on darlin' we'll follow you home doc." Bobby stood and held his hand out for Tara's. She took it and for the second time that night, let him pull her into his side and lead her away. When they stopped in front of her car, Tara hesitated. She was still getting a hang of this queen thing, but she knew there was something she needed to do. Feed the men.

"You guys mind making a stop on the way?"

"Where at darlin'?"

"Either of you eaten?"

The guys smiled at her as she opened the driver's door. She watched with a smile as they both ran to their bikes. The image of Bobby running to his bike would stay with her forever, and she was sure, no matter how she was feeling it would always make her laugh. Tara pulled her car out of the lot and glanced in her rear-view mirror. The surgeon heading down Main Street with her Samcro escort. It was a strange life she led.

Two hours later she sat at the kitchen table, with Thomas drifting off in her arms, Bobby sitting beside her with a beer in one hand, the other draped over the back of her chair in a protective manner and Happy playing with Abel. It was a strange family she had but it was hers and not for the first time, Tara could see the merits in it. Could see why Jax would risk everything to protect it. And was awed that every one of those men would give their lives to protect her. No matter what everyone else said about them, these guys were her family, and she knew the deeps of their hearts, knew what lay beneath. They were good men trying to get by in a bad situation. And as queen, they were all now her men and you protect your own.

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><p><strong>Hey guys, <strong>

**I see that so many of you have stuck with me. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. If I don't get a chance to reply to your reviews individually please forgive me, I'm extremely busy in my RL right now, and finding time to even write a chapter is difficult. But I promised a chapter a week, and damn it I will deliver. **

**Now, I have a serious question for you all. How do you all feel about Opie chapters? I have a couple planned that include Opie in a sweet way, but considering recent events I wasn't sure how many people would like to read those now. :( So please let me know if that is something you'd like to see or not. **

**Thank you so much everyone and I'll see you in a week. Please keep reviewing. I really love hearing from you all and appreciate the feedback. **

**xoxo Ally**


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